outside the flats on grandview drive evan my friend who has returned from the farm is discussing stars with me, we are pondering why stars appear to move in the sky and as evan explains his questions and i fathom for an answer a thought hits us. here outside these apartments on a friday evening its probable that people behind the walls often hear drunken conversations, along the line off..

'ere wot you doings kissing my girlfriend?'
'shuf up you fuck wit shazza is aving my baby.'

nope tonight they would be overhearing a conversation about astro dynamics and the elliptical orbit of the earth.

The Prince of Nothing is a series of three fantasy novels by the Canadian author R. Scott Bakker, first published in 2004, part of a wider series known as "The Second Apocalypse". This trilogy details the emergence of Anasûrimbor Kellhus, a brilliant monastic warrior, as he takes control of a holy war and the hearts and minds of its leaders. Kellhus exhibits incredible powers of prediction and persuasion, which are derived from deep knowledge of rationality, cognitive biases, and causality, as discovered by the Dûnyain, a secret monastic sect. As Kellhus goes from military leader to divine prophet, Drusas Achamian, the sorcerer who mentored Kellhus, comes to realize that his student may well be the harbinger of the Second Apocalypse.
The key feature distinguishing the Prince of Nothing series from its contemporaries is the importance of philosophy to the work. The plot, characters, setting, and metaphysics of the Prince of Nothing are intertwined with philosophical positions unique to the series.
Bakker has mentioned that this series was primarily influenced by the works of Tolkien and Frank Herbert.

i've just finished reading the trilogy of books that make up the series and although i have no real enthusiasm for fantasy books this was a brilliant concept, remarkably executed and although very demanding and challenging well worth the three weeks it took to read. here bakker plays with ideas of Nietsche and Kant with some zen type concepts along the journey, i lost myself in the complex characters and rich world particularly his use of magickal schools and their branches of magick, thank god for the glossary at the back of the third book which is about half the thickness of the actual book. i won't be diving into fantasy again as books like these are very rare but i certainly feel the genre has come a long long way since the hobbit.

what is art?
what makes one persons art better than another?
why do artists seem to create something then manufacture an construction to explain it?
is art a fraud?
is it intention?
is it craft?

i'm discussing these points with a friend in newt town, i like his thought process unravelling the artificial aspect of everything, i like his trajectory but i feel he is missing a vital ingredient. art is often directed by the subconscious, therefore the intention is not often conscious and only through transpersonal exploration do we see what direction we are being driven.
a craftsman is not necessarily an artist, intention is sometimes unknown to the conscious mind, the art industry is a fraud but art is genuine, artists are driven to find meaning in things that often don't have meaning therefore the construction can be dechipered after the creative act, either by the artist of the viewer. there is no way one mans art can be measured by another all creative arts are equal in merit. art is the manifestation of an idea via the creative act.
these are my answers to the questions.

lets get metaphysical

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: #1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. #2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.

went to see the kranski sisters at the opera house, very unique, kinda strange, three australian gothic sisters, slightly twisted but one of a kind. they did some great tunes, simple arrangements yet very effective. 'pull up to the bumper' was a highlight. i don't know how they keep a straight face. it was good to catch up with val and olga, we met with my brother and had a few drinks before walking down to circular quay. i've discovered a vodka bar that's kinda cozy.

many years ago i played in a strange r and b punkish band called the 'blue meanies' i think we even played a gig, my memories are very hazy. i was a young petulant kid with dumb attitude and no talent, just hanging out with some rock rebels finding my way in the world. we rehearsed a few times in a big house in south london, in the attic. i recall two brothers, one was terry, i think he played guitar. he was good. i never really got to know him, in fact i probably irritated the hell out of him, being a terrible front man, i'm no entertainer and i had not found my voice. i didn't understand music very well, i didn't know anything, just a horrible teenager with punk attitude. anyway terry was always the wise one, he seemed to embody the daoist ideal, lead from the back. he was kinda strong in presence and knew some good riffs. i think we all went to see bo diddly together but i really can't recall. anyways terry is the geezer who left the comments and i was so happy to hear from him, terry if you are out there write me an e mail, captainmission@thedeepfix.com i'd love to re connect and apologize for my arrogance, naivety and possibly stupidity and maybe if your up for it hear about what you are up to these days.

ps. terry, you are quite correct, you defier of theories, i hope you delve into my musings and you will see that my ideas are ever changing, always contradictory and filled with strange ideas that may or may not be true, bits of prose, memories in future tense and some kinda diary like ravings. i often have no idea what i am writing. great to hear from you and best wishes man, please drop me an e mail.

hanging out in opium dens in east berlin's turkish quarter i had a chance encounter with a serpent from the government, a beaurocrat who peddled in petty information and cheap gossip designed to look like diplomacy, he was a strange individual, some kind of malevolent energy hung around him like a bad aura leak. i didn't want to get to close to him and his radioactive fallout but he kept encroaching into my space man. opium dens have an unwritten code of conduct, one being you don't interfere with another clients narcotic states, but this snake was obviously beyond following etiquette as he smashed into my colours and spoke in his strange accent making petty introductions and small talk, i had half closed eyes and the other half was at some desert oasis drinking fresh water and having oils massaged into my loins by two slave girls with exotic perfume and nice friendly eyes, the closer i got to them the closer he seemed to intrude until i was confronted by a small snake with tiny pin prick pupils and a pencil thin mustache.
'and your....?' he was saying n a high pitched irritating snake voice.
'your what?'
'your name is...?'
i paused and thought hard, he seemed to get frustrated and said, 'my name is blank. what is your name?'
'ahh,' i sighed, 'blank huh?'
'yes, and you are...?'
'mission' i replied but i was bored and wanted to escape back into my dreams.
'i cannot reveal your mission until i have your name sir.'
curiosity perked me, a mission, mmm this whacko government official has confused me with some one else, but here i am in this place at this point in time and he won't leave me alone, so i decide to play along.
'i cannot reveal my name to you mr. blank, until i have seen your id.'
'most irregular. i assure you i am who i say i am.'
'yes we are both who we say we are.'
he breathed out and moved even closer.
'your target is in the regency hotel, she is staying in suite 7, top floor,' he thrust an envelope at me, 'here are the details and half the sum as promised. the other half on completion'
with that he got up and disappeared into the smoke filled atmosphere. i returned to my oasis satisfied i had perceived his id. what an ugly id it was.
after a shower i changed into my suit and caught a taxi over to the regent hotel, i picked up a bunch of iris's from the hotel foyer and re read the file as the elevator made its rounds.
she was a piece of work, nice looking educated and deadly. i liked the look of her eyes, there was nothing there, they penetrated you with their emptiness.
later as i knocked upon her door a voice, her voice asked who it was.
'mission' i said.
the door opened and she stood before me in a gorgeous deep red outfit. her eyes were even more vacant than her photograph and she had dangerous lips. i handed her the envelope. even her nail polish was vivid red, the colour of blood.
'so have you come to kill me?'
'no. i have just come.'
'well that's a shame, what are you good for?'
'well i can always come again.' the double entendres were taking over and things were not going the way i planned. i stepped inside.
she let me.
the room was sparse but huge and there was quite a large and well filled drinks cabinet.
'come on in, can i fix you a drink or would you prefer something slightly more exotic?'
'exotic.'
she walked over to an oriental ornate cabinet and pulled out a pipe, an opium pipe. she beckoned towards the bed. i sprawled out upon its soft cushions. she stood tall, gradually her lips seemed to come towards me, massive huge lips blocking out the room, i was lost in that kiss, and when i opened my eyes i was back in the opium den with the monotonous govt. official.
'so what is your name,' he said.

i cast a sad reflection , somewhere in my forties, a strange individual, pottering around casting strange incantations and messing with the cosmos, i came unto a strange revelation, a scientific and great mystical truth and i dare any one to defy it's reason.
everything started with the big bang, we are part of that process and everything around us is part of that process, therefore everything shares the same father, for want of a better word. and in it's incredible diversity life as we know it on planet earth has but one unifying code, the dna. in fact dna is the life, humans are just one manifestation of the experiment. and dna is actually evolving not humanity.
sadly humanity doesn't seem to be evolving at all, a classic example of this follows

some one who has great power over me, a woman i can't say i like but i am forced into a situation where i have to at least be diplomatic approached me the other day. she was telling me how she was working with some tibetans and how she loved their Buddhist attitude and how she was a Buddhist and how if only evil israel adopted a Buddhist approach to the Palestinians then everything in the world would be hunky dory. I agreed because to argue the point would be pointless. Later that evening she locked her daughter in a room as a punishment, i could hear the screaming, 'mummy i want to go to the toilet' which lasted about two hours. i was very disturbed but as i said i am in a position where if i act it would work against me. so i go about my own business casting no judgement but jesus fucking christ, some people are just dumb.

i watched an episode of a show called torchwood, a friend had burnt a few shows on a disc, the show was about 5 hours long, called, 'children of earth' and wow, it was excellent although it could have been longer and slightly more detailed. however it was a very confronting tv show.

i also went over to help val, who was moving studios, it was good to see him although he was a bit stressed out. i really count him as part of my tribe, he's an amazing guy and his moment is coming.

i know i know but i do love this. genius.