some sort of toxic energy is inside me, it started when i was driving a few months ago and felt strangely possessed to drive fast, cumulating in loosing my license, this energy has been feeding upon me and growing, it's possibly fall out of the psychic attack i have been under, a serious of elimination and deduction leaves no other option, i need wendy the witch to extract this residual energy and bring some equilibrium. i feel toxic, my ego is out of whack, i say things i don't mean, i behave in a random and ungracious way and i have lost control of my own moral compass. i'm confused by myself, confounded in others. i will have to see wendy soon although i have entered a period of imposed dieta and cut the tobacco from my spliffs, perhaps tobacco has cross contaminated my energies as well. it certainly can't be of use unless i'm using it in mescal preparation.
so here i am vulnerable and in need of help. wendy is the only person who can really do this effectively. 
val offers some insight into the snuff music situation, i like his thinking, it's far removed from the normal way of doing things. it's good to hear his voice. 
i meet a friend down the street, i haven't seen him for years, he's russian girls dot com guy, always looking for love in the ukraine, he's been over a few times and is returning. he's convinced australian girls are mad and would make terrible partners, i don't know.
i've met amazing australian girls but they do seem to suffer from the same type of persona, they are repressing their feminine nature, i'm not certain why this is, possibly as a reaction to australian males, but the reaction is counter productive, there's no point in out fucking, out drinking, out smarting the male, it's far to competitive and pointless, because it's not a game. this is why i am attracted to the feminine principle and women who embrace it or are not threatened by it. it's strong enough and dignified enough and does not need disguising as masculine when it's respected.
russian bride dot com and i sit around talking about this for an hour, it's interesting as most of the males i know all feel the same way, australian women have some weird dysfunction when it comes to embracing their femininity, i guess it's trendy to these days, i don't know, what i do know is it serves no purpose at all. society is weaker for it. men are confused by it, their roles are questioned and undermined and the result is a mess of sexual identities that are in discord. 
russian bride dot come tells me that ukraine women all want a solid male foundation who will not drink, cheat or disrespect them, they want to feel loved as women. i guess this is the major difference between, australian girls don't know what they want.
russian girl dot com sips his coffee and asks if i want to go to the ukraine with him. 
no i say, i don't feel like i need to go anywhere at the moment, girls will come to me, it's on the horizon and getting closer, i don't want to actively seek it out, the universe will present her to me, it's already in motion.