what can i say here. kid sex offenders are fucked up little wankers that need to be put down, they destroy lives and there's nothing anyone can do to heal them and therefore all monies and funding should go towards helping the survivors. 
no matter what training i could have had there's a line you draw personally, it's a thin one and it's different for everyone, it's the line that you draw between limits, tolerance, acceptability, morality, values and that shit. i was working mine out still, i always have attempted to have a boundary but it's a strange thing because once you draw the line you attract the very thing you repel. 
in hindsight this is all about the nature of fear and the power fear has over people. i hadn't worked it all out yet, it came at angles and was messy and complex, which is ironic because the very nature of fear is very elegant. personally i had never encountered a pedophile before although when i was a child i had an uncomfortable moment with a strange man who seemed to have a wandering hand, but i was a feisty little brat who yelled out and caused a big fuss attracting a lot of attention and he scurried off but i recall the energy of the experience, obviously it was not a nice one. it had a deep penetrating evil about it, something quite repulsive and the perpetrator matched, although i was young and memory is blurry that was my single encounter with that type of energy, it was nothing and nothing eventuated save a stranger put his hand upon my knee in a cinema but it was the dark energy that left a mark somewhere in my subconscious. this dark energy is in the heart of all perpetrators, some call it evil and on one level it is, on another it is very human. i know people are stars, some are planets, some suns, some quasars and moons, some binary, etc but there are also some people who are black holes sucking every thing into their void and no amount of therapy can fix them.
but lynda believed that it could and i guess at the time that was good enough for me.
i once asked the worlds leading authority about this. 
he gave me a good answer which i will share later in the story so hang in there. 
right now we were dealing with children, all under 16, children. 


lydia presented the information very well, she was professional albeit clinical managing to keep a nice boundary between her and her staff. she gave us enough space to set whatever framework we wanted within her model so every one felt they were contributing something but the most important aspects were re-enforced continually. 
these would be highly manipulative children, some would be very   intelligent and some would have street smarts but they were all dangerous, some had committed murder and most had tortured their victims before raping them, they required two people supervising them at all time, even when they go to the bathroom and to top it all the supervising staff had to keep in sight of one another at all times. 
this was because statistically some one working in the program was a sex offender themselves. within this frame we came up with the program routines and the meals and some structurally dependant decisions. i mean you gotta have the right kind of space to always stand in a doorway so you can keep your eye on the kids and the other staff or the child that has gone to the bathroom. it was logistics and i went with the flow. gradually we had the program taking shape, in our imaginations we played out the routines, the movements and ebbs and flows of the client base
but things had changed with the information about statistics, there was a nervous distance imposed between everyone, a suspicious element crept in and into the minds of everyone, judgements were being made and paranoia infected us.
myself i was coming into work dressing in a sarong with my nails painted by emma and her girlfriends, who thought i was working for a telephone marketing company so i instantly thought people must think it's me, but it was lydia i was worried about, she looked at me much deeper than she had done in the past and it constantly made me act awkward towards her which only reenforced my paranoia, so one day i said, 'i'm feeling freaked out lydia, this is really freaking me out, i don't know how much more i can go on but i want to tell you it's not me.'
'what's not you?'
'the pedophile,' i blurted out, thinking this is probably the most bizarre conversation i have ever had.
'i know mission, i know it's not you, you come nowhere near the profile.'
'there's a profile?'
'you need to start paying attention in class.' 
'well i don't want you being suspicious of me, it was driving me mental.'
'i'm not suspicious of you at all, i have a very good idea who it is, but let's hope i am wrong.'
'okay,' i paused, 'so we are good?'
'yes, i just want you to listen in the training instead of day dreaming, you seem like your miles away?'
'yeah, yeah sure, sure i will, thanks i appreciate you being honest with me.'
lydia was correct, i was miles away, escaping into my imagination of french girls in bikinis on a beach playing frisbee, of waiting in the surf for that perfect wave, of driving along the avalon headlands around the bends on a summers day, of anything but the subject matter at hand. it was time to apply myself and commit to the next twelve months at least so i decided to move away from avalon, i decided to say goodbye to all my friends and the life i had known and emerge myself in this new experience and face whatever lay ahead, the worst decision i have ever made, yet the one i had to, as destiny and fate were about to collide and form the face of fear itself. martin o hare, made one appearance towards the end of the training, he came in and said he was the man behind the whole program, it was his brainchild and that we would ultimately follow his direction and that lydia was only concerned with the clinical aspects of the program and therefore not that important.
we were all quite shocked and somewhat confused by this but he was not the type of man you challenged given his status and reputation, so there we were, after all that training,lambs...