there's no easy way to write the rest, it's a dark journey into some dark areas and most of it will be uncomfortable reading and you won't like me, or you might not even care, it don't matter, it's my story and my journey, i can't help what happened, i was trapped in it's tidal currents, swimming as best i could and i survived. i did what i could do, i fought and fought hard but ultimately fighting just wears you out and leaves a shell. 
your not gonna believe this story, your gonna say, old captain mission is making it all up but i am not, sure i take some liberties but they are necessary in order for me to tell the story. all you have to know is the truth is stranger than fiction.


the first kid to arrive was bobbie, he was sixteen, charged for raping his three younger brothers who were six, seven and nine. he had also raped two people with down syndrome, both children. he was suspected of having sex with the family dog.
dressed in sweat pants and matching top his speech was effeminate with a twist of sarcasm and he chain smoked and liked to exhale in directly into peoples faces. in this he was not indiscriminate, he singled out people he knew he would annoy the most, he was well practised in his grooming technique and his behaviour was always manipulative. everything had a motive and it was extremely well calculated to make everyone feel uneasy. in my initial scan i could see his rejoice in this power.


my reading of people is unusual, i get energetic impressions, it comes from their aura and the space between their behaviours. it sounds like psychic powers but it's just a sensitivity. i can get to the truth of a matter fast, what's difficult is them reasoning why, because there is no logical or measurable qualitative way of knowing such things, this can be self destructive, it burns away at my insides, as though truth is a fire and the only way to extinguish it is to call it. i call this my intuition but it's more than that, it's my compass as well. i guess i've a refined intuitive ability and it always points true truth.


another child was marcus. he had come from quite an impoverished background, quite opposite to bobby. his father was on the run, an armed bank robber, he had actually shot a woman in the back and escaped in a police car. marcus thought this was very cool and worshipped his dad. occasionally his father would make contact with his son and we were informed that we should notify the police if this happens. i'd have to say marcus was the most damaged young boy i have worked with, very destructive nature, resorting to raw aggression and violence when he was under the slightest stress. 
my first impression was that he would be the key to keeping the group stable, i was spot on.
this kid radiated a dark energy, intensity and hypnotic, it had a magnetism that i imagine rasputian must have had, a dark brooding kind of child, with violence oozing from every cell within his body, there was no child in there anymore just an angry and dangerous presence we were well to be weary off. 
his crimes were pretty horrific, the rape and torture of babies, far to gruesome for me to revisit, the torture and slaughter of animals and the various histories of assault and battery, aggravated violence and two murders. he would be the hardest nut to crack but as it happened gary and i managed to do this by breaking all the rules of therapy, however we were the only ones that he responded to and our peers were constantly terrorised and in fear of his rage.
there were other children, but these two are enough to think about for now, all you have to know is the others had similar histories, some much worse. 
can it get worse?
yeah it does, evil like this has no depth, it just goes onwards sucking up all light for those that fight need to be aware that when you fight monsters you must take caution lest you become a monster yourself as old nietzsche reminds us. 
old captain mission was young in those days, i had that vitality and fire in my blood, i wanted to feel like i was doing some kind of good and contributing, looking back i was someone else, i can't recall the details but i felt lighter, like i could walk across water but each weekend i would find myself in bars and clubs trashed and wasted trying to forget the contents of my head, trying to escape my fate, trying to avoid the fear.