event's have conspired, twisted and turned rapidly, i am disillusioned by a friendship. i have been lied to, manipulated and deceived by my old enemy. alcohol. 
alcohol has possessed the spirit of love and left a small six month old baby, a grandmother and myself to flounder in it's ugly wake.
so these words are for you, but they are not inspired by you, there is nothing for me in the situation you chose to live in, no songs, no story, no muse, nothing. it's boring as fucking bat shit and cliqued. bukowski may have written two good books but he was a pathetic human being with very little humanity and in history will be forgotten and filed under a below average zombie who beat his women. i am aware that you are sick, i am aware that the disease makes your decisions but i am also aware of the consequences of doing absolutely nothing. evil is when good people do nothing.

i have seen your future many times, once ten years ago in visions from the future, we did everything together in the spirit of love, and you had a girl, remember?

you were young and embarking upon your oblivion and perhaps i was clumsy in my communications.

i also saw your other future it was chaotic to say the least resulting in your death-wish but i had no power to keep hold of you, i felt quite exhausted and the last words you said to me, seared like fire writing from the old testament into my brain, i never forgot them when ever i thought of you. it was the most insightful statement you had ever made and resoundingly accurate. 

my future without you was a similar one but i understood the process was metaphorical, i died many times, over and over until it became like putting on my favourite suit. i transformed myself. i saw many possibilities and i was able to transcend all known limits. you can't even comprehend this, i see your cynicism when i speak of this but you must know deep down what your demon knows about me.

ten years pass until we connect again. 

this time i am fully illuminated and i see through all maya into the eye of the soul. i see everything very very clearly, i even know why you wore your fathers top, the one that hides your neck and i understand my visionary gift better than the last time when it was undeveloped and untested. i know where every road leads, i know where every possibility and probability will take me, i know your fate and it's not pretty unless you make the commitment. i know the very nature of you.

it’s not hate that directs me old friend, it’s something much better and it makes me sad that you would diminish me by thinking i have not learnt from my history and experience. 

i have no fear now, i cracked the very codes of existence and my rewards are the love i have been blessed with from the people who know my intent and power. the universe loves me, it races through my veins like space itself (just like the song that brought us together) and stars shine inside my mind and my heart is a million suns you can't ever extinguish. i refuse to surrender to the malevolent force that possesses you, it fears me now it is terrified of me, the roles have changed. you will hate me soon.
i can banish it by two different weapons. my red charkra or my green one
i chose my heart because your demon has no defence against the truth of that which it cannot fathom and fears, it can only increase its deception and manipulation and therefore gets weaker. it's an ugly thing, weak and destructive, very pathetic, sometimes i've often wished to film you and replay it so you can see how vile you are under it's influence. this thing is my enemy not you, it has put your child at risk and it will enter her when it is done with you. i will do my best to prevent this and you will loathe me for it.
perhaps it possessed you before you even had your first drink, i don't know exactly, that's academic. it's here and i call it, i name it legion, for it is many. it exists within your friends who poison you and then use you, for there is strength in re enforcing itself by similar entities. they only exist to keep you enslaved. 
in you it has found the perfect host, you have unlimited resources, financial, you have disposable multitudes of people to do your bidding, you had a future but it's sucked most of that up into the void and it has a child in the wings now, a fresh host.

your friends, they are the doorway through which your annihilation will walk. i have seen this over and over, it never changes.

i posted on your face book wall to you're 500 friends, 'if you can't respect the mother respect her baby' and you took it down almost immediately. that was a strange impulsive response to the truth.

consider that a small intervention, eventually your demon will de friend me but keep your other friends close becuase it uses an array of people in it's web. eventually you will disappear and reinvent your circumstance overseas or in the northern territory far away from memory, eventually you will repeat the same old patterns and you will make the same old mistakes and be a shell, burnt out and pathetic while your daughter battles with you or deserts you.

why do i persist in the relentless pursuit of the impossible?

it's nothing to do with you anymore, it's your child. 

i've spent a great deal of my life protecting children professionally and personally. it's my nature.  

understand this.

humility is strength. understand the power in this incredible lesson lest it will destroy you and your loved ones. when you were pregnant and crying in my arms because of your shame, i said, 'surrender to something greater than the self.' you wanted a baby and now you have one, it's not a fashion accessory, buying will not make it love you but being responsible will. you have no choice now but to learn responsibility will bring freedom. submission to something much greater than you will save you.

you’re choices are your reality, therefore your own responsibility. apply this with wisdom as i am not sure if you will let me see her again and therefore i can't guide her.

you should teach her this if nothing else.


the future is unwritten although the past is the seed from which many possibilities sprout. nothing is promised, everything is possible.


i don't know what you will do, i don't know how your defence mechanisms will present themselves, one after another barrage after barrage, you cannot defeat me and i am not diminished by them, it's time for truth, it's time for the rawness and pain and the stripping back of everything until there is nothing left except to start. 

despair is really the beginning of hope

you may read this and feel disgust, ashamed and betrayed, i have told you how you will hate and loathe me and this will come to pass but it will not be you. it will be the demon i bind. the process is tricky, because after it is cast it may return, which is why you either submit now or meet your sad demise alone.