late night shenanigans art mission control with meredith and myself,  and thus, no sleep for me, but i did have a groovy night. 

the day seem to slip into easy action, some chores, some shopping, some chatting and then i seemed to hit the ground running, as sleep deprivation claimed me and an early night pulled me in it's overwhelming gravity towards the deepest sleep i have had for years. nice. 

as it happens i seem to be passing my health tests with fling colours, the heart specialist reckons i'll be off my meds in 8 months after referring me to newcastle hospital who are doing experimental surgery on AF patients. he said my results are perfect. my results regarding lungs will be finalised on monday when the results from the breathing tests are reconciled by the respiratory doctor. and then there's the outrageous UTI I had from out of the blue which made every one panic thinking it was some form of tumour or or cancer, after a blast of very strong antibiotics and an MRI  it appears i am okay.

this is fantastic news for me, specifically as i require a positive outlook to be productive. by tuesday i should know more and be able to plan some movement.

meredith is still here, all good, very cool, she's perfect including all her weird flaws and idiosyncrasies, possibly the most eccentric individual i know, yet we are uniquely compatible. it really is bizarre but it really is lovely and easy. so there's that!

well today i have a number of tests being run on me at the hospital, i guess when the results are in i will know but until then it's chop wood carry water.  to be honest i feel okay, just another challenge and just another day on planet earth.

 oh dear. have i run out of time? 

it's hard to second guess, but this morning i had a health scare, ha, who hasn't had one since that fucking jab, anyway, it appears i need urgent medical health. all the fucking medication I am using for my heart issue is effecting every other organ in my body, especially my kidneys, thank you spike protein. i never needed you in my life but you forced your way in thanks to stupid bureaucrats and zombies who do what they are told. i'm not even angry just feeling defeated as the closer i get to what i wanted the further it gets. not everyone gets happy endings, someone has to loose out in order for someone to win, but what the fuck is the game, control, domination, power, or just an insane pathology. 

tick tock the time bomb goes, the second hand makes it's circuit, there's only one way out mission in this game of chance, and that's in. the red wire or the blue, i was never very good at choices. i'll just pull them both and see what happens.

last night in perfect harmony meredith and myself sat down to watch a magnificent tv series called 'pluribus' written by the 'breaking bad' writer. a strange transmission is picked up by boffins who discover embedded inside a code for altering dna through rna (sound familiar) however this code transforms the survivors into a new kind of human, a human that shares a hive mind and only wants peace, tranquility and to transform others, (a meme) and despite the billions of deaths there are 12 humans globally who are resistant to the virus, and the series follows the life of one. a brilliantly flawed character and both meredith and myself like her a lot. there are some great ideas in this show plus a original humour that is refreshing to see on modern tv. ah, science fiction, still the best genre.

waterboys 'endless store'

 

the waterways, from the fishermans blues sessions released upon atlantic rain, the gift that keeps on giving.

the ice cold penetrates every aspect of mission control including my old bones, even my blood feels like it's freezing over. my guest is also suffering so i investigate the local wood dealers, all have pushed their prices up due to the ice age but I'm in no position to argue. 

when the wood comes it's dumped outside in a pile and we both load and stack it outside the front door, the work almost destroys me, my back is already damaged and now it just feels terrible. however mission control is  very hot, the fire works wonders.

while catching up at work i notice i have about 6 months long service leave, it's quite a big chunk but i'm not sure what to do, the last thing i really want is to travel anywhere, but next summer if the weather is good, i may take a month off for surfing activities and just to relax, maybe if i can afford it a week away up in brissy which i've always wanted to explore. however current contentment and lack of curiosity will probably keep me local. plus i had a lovely visit from meredith who drove up from adelaide to visit, and so far it's been well, like 20 years gap never happened, but it did, i guess it would be foolish to avoid it. both of us have changed but in good ways, wiser i guess, and we are determined not to rush into anything and establish a close friendship before anything else. that bit's just happening naturally and it's really nice. she's a very peculiar individual and her traits compliment mine, the only thing i need to do is really a few simple modifications and forwards we go.

yesterday we went for a lovely walk in the sunshine, had a nice small simple lunch and just spoke about our weird history and how amazing it is to be together. in the evening we watched a scary australian movie she recommended, 'bring her back' which was excellent up until the messy ending which although satisfying could have been better. 

i've a lot of medical appointments this month, heart, chest, kidneys ect so it's nice to actually have someone who is happy to be my next of kin, in australia, who will assist me. unfortunately jake is in london.

it's very cold, the bitter winter has arrived and it is chasing my heels as i reacclimatise myself. i need to get some firewood, the fire will make all the difference. to counteract the cold i end up taking myself to bed very early. it's the warmest place in mission control, and at 1900 i tend to read for a few moments and then fall asleep, waking up just before sunrise at 0600 and heading down to catch the sun rise. whales are migrating south at the moment so if i'm lucky i may catch a few but now the rain has come going outside becomes tricky and my enthusiasm less.

today i return to work after 7 weeks away, this creates a split in me, half not wanting to go, the other dealing with the reality. it's been so nice being away from all the stupid people i work with, their petty scheming, undermining and competitive natures. however i have a mission there and need to make a considerable dent in it while i can. 

everything is so uncertain, it's not just an uncertain moment, it's an uncertain decade. war, plague, hate and lies, it's all there at the door and i have surrendered to the fight, all you zombies can eat yourselves while i just bunker down and keep my own peace. just gotta stay away from the vast amount of ignorant people, especially the new ones who claim to be awakened. it's almost like saying 'your spiritual' those types are the ones i avoid. 

yesterday i had a conversation with someone who wanted to find a partner, 'they must have integrity,' and i thought, there's a demand you will never meet. in my mind integrity is a moment to moment thing, under the right circumstances it can change and often does, so there's no point desiring it, all you can do is find your own and know that it to will shift and change as your life does. integrity is a warning sign, like spirituality, if you have these things there is no need to speak of them. 

back home. finally. it was quite a journey, lots of delays and waiting in planes and airports and then being singled out for customs in Sydney, which was ridiculous as I need up being the guinea pig for the drug dogs when a customs officer planted a bag in my trolly to test her hubby. obviously she asked me, but the irony was not lost. i touched down at 6am and was home at 11am. 

straight into the garden which is a mess, then laundry, unpacking and putting stuff away and then showering, shopping and sleeping. i went to bed at 1630 and awake at 0500 the following morning. my back still hurts but i'm determined to catch the sunrise at terrible beach this morning.

it's neither hot nor cold here, very mild for winter and there are even a few people surfing, i say hi to a few locals and have my first good coffee in a month, i saviour every drop. i still have bags under my eyes and it may take a while for those to go away but generally i feel good.

later in the day the sun goes behind a cloud and i can feel the temp drop. chilly. back home for more domestics.