cold, ice cold almost as mission control's supply of wood reduces before my eyes, it's the algebra of diminishing returns as the winter marches the fire burns more brightly until there is no fuel. i calculate i have sufficient to get me through.  both meredith and myself cannot quite fathom how cold it gets here, and i explain in my history of travelling and living in various ice climates this is the coldest place i have stayed.

we have eaten psychedelics and laughed the cold away, she's a funny girl, always made me laugh hysterically. she say's she loves me but i don't believe it. she knows i love her, which is something. i dunno  love is a verb for me. who knows where this will lead, i just don't want a repeat of past mistakes, a flame on, burn out type situation, i need something reliable, consistent and real. these qualities seem very reasonable and simple yet they have alluded me all my life, bad choices and an over developed sense of loyalty, yet i am who i am. however there's a lot going in our favour, and a high potential this could work for us. like, love, lust. we have that, despite the weird quantities and mix, we also have a past, we have a now and we have a future which is brighter than ever. 

for the moment we have about 48 hours left before she returns to adelaide and there's nothing really major that can happen in that time to change the harmony although separation anxiety may kick in somewhere. peas in a pod for about one month. soon i will be on my own,  falling into my routine, beach in the morning, training for one hour, home and work. my energies will be focused upon finishing a few novels, and getting home cleaned up. it looks chaotic, meredith living out of suitcases, my kitchen cluttered and spilling over with weird medicines, condiments and cooking utensils. the book mountains. all these things need attention. everything requires time, the resource i value most.