in the inferno of london, tempratures sizzle, records are broken but there is no respite outside of cold beer, air conditioning, off which there are very few places that seem to have this luxury due to council regulations on emmissions. the heat is overwhelming, my mothers apartment is sweltering and it appears the car is the coolest place to be. my brother has lent me his car and in the evenings i take mum out for shopping adventures, a few dinners and some juants around the local area. at the moment the sun sinks around 9pm so wer enjoy the twilight hours although it's still very hot. at night it's impossible to sleep as i'm covered in a layer of sweat and the atmosphere is overwhelming. it's hard to breath. i usually stay awake until 4am and as the faint dawn offers glimpses retire to bed, where i may sleep for 6 hours. 

i've been watching 'peeky blinders' which is better than i thought it would be, in fact it's excellent. much better than 'the soprano's.' the acting is sensational, the script amazing and the soundtrack full of surprises. but it is a great story and completely captivating, no wonder bowie loved it.

currently reading my first adrian tchaikovsky book, 'shround' which is science fiction and so far really good.

london is indeed an onion, it's layers are deep and it takes a considerable amount of research and walking skills to pentrate it. the mithras temple underneath the bloomberg building is at it's heart although i suspect it goes deeper. 
as you decend a time line shows you how london was overlaid with various structures and events, one covers the other. it's quite something. there is indeed a hidden esotericism. secret societies, hidden messages in sculptures and architectures, one could easily feel lost within a labyrinth or at the outskirts of a maze. there's a weird formality to it all as initiates pass through invisible gates and doors, and enter chambers unveiled and deeper knowldge revealed beyond ythe pagan heart and astrological centre. one can never be certain about how deep it goes but what is known is the deeper yo go the harder it is to return the same as when one went in. london is a city of mysteries, conspiracy and concealment. it's heirachy is almost inpenetrable which is why the keys to the city are needed. and also why only a handful have them.

on a lighter side i visit some of christopher wrens churches, st. pauls is the obvious one but st. mary le bow is the one which interests me most as it determined my birth as a cockney. those born within it's church bells are true londoners aka cockneys and i was well within it's circle. rebuilt after the great fire of london by wren it now stands magnificently as a testiment to his finest achievements. one has to acknowledge his genius when you stand inside and look upwards. it's as close to holy as a man could get in human endevours. 

on the darkside i also visited one of wrens students designs for churches nicholas hawksmoor whom one could say was not a christian at all, his designs were neo pagan and possibly satanic. paying special attension to the locations, one can see an obvious pattern.

if one includes the london eye into the pattern the structure takes on a more obvious meaning as the all seeing eye.

st. lukes in oldfield, st.george in bloomsbury, st.john in horsleydown, st.george in the east, st. annes limehouse, christchurch in spitalfields, st. pauls.

peter ackroyd's novel is well worth reading as is iaan sinclairs, lud heat

martin and i take ourselves out for a movie, it's been so long since i have visited a cimema it's quite the novilty, unfortunatly 'disclosure day' is the movie we chose and although i am a big science fiction fan this one is very flawed. let me point out the acting, directing and idea are very good but the script and general narrative are very weak.  sure, it's a good theme and quite topical, what would humanity do if the knowledge of alien visitation to earth was revealled. personally 'the man who fell to earth,' is much better and far more intelligent than spielbergs movie. the central theme is 'empathy' is a form of intelligence that only highly evolved species can use. yeah all well and good in theory, but humanity is also suffering from a form of suicidal empathy, which would have made an intersting counterpoint to the whole movie. aliens meet isis. 
the film is a kinda chase movie, along with the usual dips into convential religion faces extra terrestrial life philosophy, god created man in his highest image, but 'only upon earth' some smart nun responds. and the control of information versus freedom of information, let the public have the facts. 

meanwhile spielberg throws in his usual sentimental moments reducing an adulty experience into a childhood one. meh!

martin condfesses he didn't really understand it and even through i understood it, i wish i hadn't wasted my time.

the japanese dinner i had with martin was excellent, tofu noodles with vegtable. 

 i speak with meredith in adalaide, it's so nice to hear her voice which has two components, one being a non stop talking machine which basically will just speak about anything with intermitent laughter as it rambles onwards like a steam train going down hill at the listener tied to the track. the other part is a 'soft' voice whoch fortunatly is present most times we speak, it's possibly the most calming sound you can imagine. it's influence upon me is narcotic, i'm not sure if i have ever encountered anything like it, a whispering gentle sound with plenty of space between words where sounds manifest, dolphins, birds and random coded alphabets, some i understand and others i don't. it's as though i'm a wounded tiger in pain and distressed and as soon as i hear her voice i instantly calm and am enveloped by an ocean of tranquility and peace. 

my pain, at the moment is a back pain that has moved into my shoulder, it really is accute and feels akin to someone stabbing me in the back with a sharp but large blade. i have had to take painkillers to assist. i cannot rely upon merediths voice so i may have to buy some weed as im not sure i can stand it much longer, the pain is terrible and limits my movements.

when i do speak with meredith it is between long bouts of her sleeping as she is recovering from a chest infection, plus months of stress and trauma. i imagine she is exhuasted and i feel helpless being so far away. she sleeps, i sleep and maybe we can meet in our dreams. her sleep is ridiculous although when i was on anti histamines i also slept long hours, sleeping between sleeping but i must admit meredith has beaten records, sometimes she sleeps for 12 hours, wakes up to say hello and five mins later sleeps for another 12 hours, and this last period she has slept for 5 days like this.  

jake popped in today and we take mum to the big shop where she buys a potato in the jacket and meets some people from out of town. she's tired but does well walking a long distance. at home we all collapse, i sit by the window watching the evening sunlight dancing through the trees, the birds singing a summer song and i just feel everything, saturating me, intense vampric sensory inputs, the slightest noise, the most miniute sensation of wind upon my skin, the hyper sensual curve of a womans flesh, the artery that pulses upon her neck, slightly in sublime slow motion as it starts standing out, looking magnificent and powerful, all that blood and life in one throb. 

i do a bit of cooking for mum, but she hates my food just as much as i can't eat hers. she needs sugar, salt and a selection of poisons whereas i am attempting to be as clear of these things as possible. often i will make my own breakfasts and dinners, usually for breakfast greek yougurt with fruit and bran, the apples and berries are really good here in the uk. dinners usually consist of green lentils and veg, or sardines. i can't really eat anything mum makes. even her sandwiches are awful due to the processed bread everyone seems to eat. if i am out i try to find a bagel shop, cream cheese, smoked salmon and capers are my weakness but then very ocassionally when i feel like it i induldge myself in fish and chips. the ones i had with tez and jean were the best so far. strangely everyone seems to eat indian food here, i'm amazed at how it has become so popular, and normal. i don't mind it once in a blue moon but it appears everyone seems to eat it here. often i'm asked what i want for dinner and i say 'anything but indian' and find as i sit down to eat, it's indian food. weird man. it's not that i dislike it, it's that i cannot eat it every day. 

i travel by train down to worthing to meet my old friends tez and jean, it seems srange seeing them in 3d as we usually speak via skype messenger. it's a short but very nice few days, the weather seems to confine us to indoors but we have a couple of excursions, some great food and late night chats. my strange sleepy maliase seems t overwhelm me and i find myself having seistas and retiring early. tez says it's due to the fact i am at rest, my body is easing into holiday mode but i think it may be something else, some sort of weirdness. however i enjoy my sleep and it's the best ret i have had in months. it's hard to leave them, but i return to london. the train journey sees me staring out the window at south london, as we roll passed battersea powerstation and all the horrible buildings, the strange homes and streets and the city seems part victorian, part 70's and mostly brutal. dark grey clouds and sleet don't help.

the next day i take a trip into london, wander around soho my old huants and carnaby street where i worked as a kid, down into covent gardens, i find a bagel shop and get a really good one. in foyles i pick up a few books, i avoid the esoteric bookshops as i have no cash. the city is heaving with people, and in a shop i meet an interesting italian lady, she's really nice and we strike up a conversation about olive oil, and i tell her about my love for italy. on the way home i notice all these young girls and women, dressed up to the nines, all looking glamourous and a woman with pink fingerpolish explains me someone called harry styles is in town, hence the girls. i have no idea who he is but london looks quite the spot with all these girls out and about.

i made the mistake of buying another caitlin starling book and once again what started as a great novel became a bad one 2/3rds through. it's a shame as i would like to find a few female writers i like but it's just not happening. the novel has a great premise and begins in a monstic castle under seige, and they are running out of food. the three charachters are very interesting, all female. one a waif whom sctraches together a life in the carverns discoveres a mysterious precence under the foundations which offers her a terrible bargin. the other is knight, a warrior who devotes herself to her king until he is supplanted by the arrival of the saints. these saints bring what appears like salvation but it is also a debuched fall into savagery and illusion. and the last charachjeter is a witch who has managed to use her powers to create water fit for drinking but cannot quite work out how to create food. 
while the monastry seems to decend into madness and horror the three women challenge the arrival of the saints and expose their true nature. it's a great story but the last bits seem to just fail in the same way as her previous novel, 'the luminous dead' did.

seven days, the season changed, the heat of spring reverts to a winter cold summer with rain to match. i've scrapped together some clothes from what's left from my dad's wardrobe, a highly unfashionable man who went for the greys, navy blues and innocuious lower wavelegths. i'm grateful although i look like a man out of time. 

i've been pottering around, there's not much left for me to take home, martin and jake got in first but the single painting i want is still hanging there. i measure it up and discover it's to big for my suitcase. i'll have to have it shipped out when jake returns with his stuff that's going into storage.

i've really enjoyed seeing my aunt  and uncle sydney and yolande and their son mark and his family. marks wife is one of the worlds greatest cheifs, she is amazing and i love her food better than anyone elses. she's also got a brilliant sence of humour and knowledge, in fact they are a very intelligent couple.

sometimes i hardly sleep, just reading and watching stupid tv shows. i did see the short series 'half man' which i liked for the same reason i liked 'baby reindeer.'

i have finished 'sleeper beach'by nick harkaway which was fantastic. a really unique piece of story telling and a mix of hardboiled noir and science fiction. my single excursion into the city was pretty disasterous, i had a good look around forbidden planet and waterstones but only found the new 2 volumes of alister reynolds revelation space short stories and his halycon years novel in my fave format which i immediately purchased. but london was dirty, over crowded and tense, i just wanted to get back.

i was on a quest for a certain trophy, and after some nifty running around and scouting i found something suitable. i hope it will do as now there's only going forwards.