i speak with meredith in adalaide, it's so nice to hear her voice which has two components, one being a non stop talking machine which basically will just speak about anything with intermitent laughter as it rambles onwards like a steam train going down hill at the listener tied to the track. the other part is a 'soft' voice whoch fortunatly is present most times we speak, it's possibly the most calming sound you can imagine. it's influence upon me is narcotic, i'm not sure if i have ever encountered anything like it, a whispering gentle sound with plenty of space between words where sounds manifest, dolphins, birds and random coded alphabets, some i understand and others i don't. it's as though i'm a wounded tiger in pain and distressed and as soon as i hear her voice i instantly calm and am enveloped by an ocean of tranquility and peace. 

my pain, at the moment is a back pain that has moved into my shoulder, it really is accute and feels akin to someone stabbing me in the back with a sharp but large blade. i have had to take painkillers to assist. i cannot rely upon merediths voice so i may have to buy some weed as im not sure i can stand it much longer, the pain is terrible and limits my movements.

when i do speak with meredith it is between long bouts of her sleeping as she is recovering from a chest infection, plus months of stress and trauma. i imagine she is exhuasted and i feel helpless being so far away. she sleeps, i sleep and maybe we can meet in our dreams. her sleep is ridiculous although when i was on anti histamines i also slept long hours, sleeping between sleeping but i must admit meredith has beaten records, sometimes she sleeps for 12 hours, wakes up to say hello and five mins later sleeps for another 12 hours, and this last period she has slept for 5 days like this.  

jake popped in today and we take mum to the big shop where she buys a potato in the jacket and meets some people from out of town. she's tired but does well walking a long distance. at home we all collapse, i sit by the window watching the evening sunlight dancing through the trees, the birds singing a summer song and i just feel everything, saturating me, intense vampric sensory inputs, the slightest noise, the most miniute sensation of wind upon my skin, the hyper sensual curve of a womans flesh, the artery that pulses upon her neck, slightly in sublime slow motion as it starts standing out, looking magnificent and powerful, all that blood and life in one throb. 

i do a bit of cooking for mum, but she hates my food just as much as i can't eat hers. she needs sugar, salt and a selection of poisons whereas i am attempting to be as clear of these things as possible. often i will make my own breakfasts and dinners, usually for breakfast greek yougurt with fruit and bran, the apples and berries are really good here in the uk. dinners usually consist of green lentils and veg, or sardines. i can't really eat anything mum makes. even her sandwiches are awful due to the processed bread everyone seems to eat. if i am out i try to find a bagel shop, cream cheese, smoked salmon and capers are my weakness but then very ocassionally when i feel like it i induldge myself in fish and chips. the ones i had with tez and jean were the best so far. strangely everyone seems to eat indian food here, i'm amazed at how it has become so popular, and normal. i don't mind it once in a blue moon but it appears everyone seems to eat it here. often i'm asked what i want for dinner and i say 'anything but indian' and find as i sit down to eat, it's indian food. weird man. it's not that i dislike it, it's that i cannot eat it every day.