it's very cold, the bitter winter has arrived and it is chasing my heels as i reacclimatise myself. i need to get some firewood, the fire will make all the difference. to counteract the cold i end up taking myself to bed very early. it's the warmest place in mission control, and at 1900 i tend to read for a few moments and then fall asleep, waking up just before sunrise at 0600 and heading down to catch the sun rise. whales are migrating south at the moment so if i'm lucky i may catch a few but now the rain has come going outside becomes tricky and my enthusiasm less.

today i return to work after 7 weeks away, this creates a split in me, half not wanting to go, the other dealing with the reality. it's been so nice being away from all the stupid people i work with, their petty scheming, undermining and competitive natures. however i have a mission there and need to make a considerable dent in it while i can. 

everything is so uncertain, it's not just an uncertain moment, it's an uncertain decade. war, plague, hate and lies, it's all there at the door and i have surrendered to the fight, all you zombies can eat yourselves while i just bunker down and keep my own peace. just gotta stay away from the vast amount of ignorant people, especially the new ones who claim to be awakened. it's almost like saying 'your spiritual' those types are the ones i avoid. 

yesterday i had a conversation with someone who wanted to find a partner, 'they must have integrity,' and i thought, there's a demand you will never meet. in my mind integrity is a moment to moment thing, under the right circumstances it can change and often does, so there's no point desiring it, all you can do is find your own and know that it to will shift and change as your life does. integrity is a warning sign, like spirituality, if you have these things there is no need to speak of them.