mmm, wake up, have a quick chat with jules who gives me some great strategies on dealing with families, i walk dog, god i love my dog, he's been the most loyal companion i have had, stuck with me through everything, good and bad, been there for me with his wagging tail and happy face, licked me when i needed licking, saved my life once, put up with my habits without complaining and generally just been fucking a great friend, if only i can find a girl with those qualities. i drop him off at renatta's who is looking after him, he knows something is up, he looks really disturbed while i hand over a sack of dog food and stuff. i have to race away lest i display some weird emotional strangeness.
over to amalia's where we spend the day err, well what did we do, what ever it was i felt good, it felt safe and calm and i dunno, am i just going soft in my old age?
anyways amalia, how can i describe her, she's about three different kinds of people, possibly four, three are the coolest girls you ever met, like freezer cool. instantly loveable, one you just wanna fuck, one you want to cuddle and one you wanna jump on an aircraft with and go on some adventure. ha! ironically we did none of the above, she is off overseas to the US while i will be travelling europa. anyways we discuss weird impulses and behaviours that seem computer generated, like buying stuff on e bay, waiting for the delivery, the idea of addiction, the conceptual ramifications of these things into other peoples lives and the idea that we are both somewhat jaded with it all. the human spirit cannot be nourished by e bay, amazon and these things we distract ourself with, the answers lay in love and spiritual practice, and i don't mean fucking sitting meditating in a cave.
holy men / women cannot impress me with walking on water, tricks and trinkets, spiritual people leave no impression upon me unless they are able to take that light they preach with and walk into the total darkness.
i recall my friend and i running a course on post tantric sexual energy and towards the last week one of our class, an older man who had remained quite consistently detached said,'i don't need this, i am in a state of love all the time.'
to which my friend very quickly said, 'that's great, now take that love downtown mogadishu. (the capital of somalia)
a brilliant response.
the point i am trying to make is when your sage wanders into these dark spots and works in those areas then i respect them more than the tricks and chitter chatter of love peace and happiness nonsense from the safety of their mindsets.
personally right now i don't think i wanna walk into downtown mogadishu but i served my apprenticeship and so has amalia. that make's her cool in my book.
oh yeah so we have a history. i can't recall much of it but she was young and i was possibly a different man, pre brain blow, so whatever happened is ancient history. i'm only interested in now and nows good.
we also watch two episodes of the second series of 'in treatment' which is awesome, really brilliant tv. there's some incredible truth about this show, the writing is excellent and the therapist is very good, he engineers the energy, the politics of control and power, just like a magickian would, he is a mirror and his mind reflects back, his creation changes. this is energy work made visible, tangible work, very powerful, very honest and very real.


home to attempt packing. or at least something preparatory, mmm. maybe.