massive strange forces are at work in captain missions life, cyclic patterns are converging through the space time continuum, events unfold where they lay exposed like a archaeologists excavation ripping open the earth and leaving an ancient temple gleaming in sunlight.
i'm packing some clothes, a few shirts and pants, some books and music, i travel very light, escaping gravity, but you can never escape the past. the past always comes back.
it's my last night in sydney i go down to have dinner with miss renwick, dinner consists of el sal beer and asparagus, see that's my kind of girl.
she plays me the soundtrack to our life together and then as if i am under the hypnotists spell, she's taking me on a very strange personal journey, one i don't really understand until about two in the morning when i suddenly have a massive meltdown and i'm not sure why, either i'm sad because i lost something i love or i'm happy cos i found something i love, but either way any heightened emotional state for me now results in a tangle of confusion, however while we were drinking beer and listening to this music from our past i felt as if a key was unlocking memories, entering very deep into my dna and i could feel the fragments and emotions of our relationship escaping confinement and we remembered. i saw photographs of us together, and we looked great together, natural as if we were happy.
the result of such an opening of feelings was amazing and transformative, memories, events, songs, people, all seemed to rise from some dark under the surface layer where i could name them and frame them with amalias help. and the picture we made was good, it was actually really brilliant.

i don't know something happened that night, a saturn return, a loop come full circle, history repeating itself, fate coming to correct a mistake, you see how fate hunts you down when your unprepared and not really expecting it, it always comes, unresolved shit being resolved when your busy keeping your head down, some sort of weird magnetic pull adjusting the forces between us, magick, voodoo, fucking love / not love. i can't deal with that so i jump on a plane and fly to korea. but i am wearing a turquoise necklace amalia gave me, and i love wearing it for some strange reason.

life just beats the crap outta you, it batters you every which way, that’s the fucking truth, there’s no way around it, you reach my age and you just want to have a simple life, find a girl, get a dog, keep it together. i'm a fucking ancient old man on the way down. don't have any money, no property, no prospects, i have an amazing son called jakob and a dog called pan, i have brilliant friends and a heart full of soul, that's gotta count for something.