fucked up on mescaline and half a bottle of tequila out in the mexican dessert with a gun and my sombrero i was shooting chickens when a girl in a red dress comes strolling up. she looks like a glamorous south american goddess part animal, mostly feline, a cross between a jaguar and an amazon supermodel. she walks right up to me and pushes her hand onto my chest and says in her sexy whisper says she want's my weapon. i hand it to her reluctantly, my experience with girls and guns is pretty negative, i'm still carrying a few scars and sometimes walk with a limp. she takes the 45 and inspects it, her eyes scans the barrel as she puts the sight up to her lips in a provocative manner. actually if she got any less provocative we would be naked covered in peanut butter.
a chicken runs towards us, she adopts a stance and shoots, but the gun is out of ammo and i just hear the click, the chicken squawks and runs past us, i grab the gun from her and pass her the bottle.
that's how i met her, strange but true. jaquinta.
later im in her convertible, we are driving from tijuana to santa fe, the highway stretches out into the horizon, it's classic americana, all we need is some robert johnson on the cd but what we have is her collection of eskimo folk music by the residents.
she's a kooky girl jaquinta, kooky and sexy. i lean back and look at the blue skies vast and expansive, stretching out like a ocean of calm. i'm relaxed, super relaxed, the valium is kicking in, i have not felt like this in years, my body feels like jelly and i have a wide grin plastered over my face. i shift my gaze onto jaquintas legs, oh yeah, heaven. she smiles at me, her hair blowing in the breeze, her foot down, the music blaring out, the sun pumping out waves of heat, i feel like i am flying.
later we pass a dead cow. it's stinks and i have to look away, it's actually disgusting and i feel slightly nauseated, the tequila starts to argue with the pills. i fall asleep and dream i am living in australia. when i wake up it's night and we are in a motel room.
jaquinta is having a shower, i'm on the bed. she walks out wrapped in a towel, smoking a joint. she's wearing her heels. i'm a dead man i think. we roll around for a few hours, i'll spare the details but she's a wild animal, the room looks like hurricane katrina passed through. i fall asleep and quickly dream i'm living in australia.
later we head out to the local town, the bar is filled with sexy looking vampires and nocturnal creatures, playing pool, drinking, dancing, they all seem friendly enough and jaquinta comes back from the bar with some drinks while i gaze out the window at the stars. i have this strange feeling, like i should be somewhere else, but the sight of her brings me back.
she leans over and bites my neck. it's a cute little nip and i push her away while moving in closer.
'we will be in santa fe tomorrow' she says lighting up a discrete joint.
'yeah babe, santa fe.'
'i have business there,' she says.
i nod my head still thinking about the dream. i'm living near a beach, it's beautiful, i'm happy, content, there i am in a vision, driving my car, a family car to work, i drive down a freeway, there's trees on either side, tall magnificent gum trees and cockatoos swoop and shriek between the sides of the roads . suddenly i am back in the bar.
jaquinta is smoking a joint, she is still talking about santa fe, she says she has to meet some one at noon, someone important, she wants to get an early start.
we leave the bar and head back to the motel, i fall into a deep sleep and dream again of my life in australia. i have this crazy job where i work with people, part of a big organisation, a govt. dept, mostly idiots but generally it's a good job. i have a dog, a girlfriend and a active social life, it all seems incredibly rich and colourful, i seem at peace.peace, i must be happy. it's like another me, a part of myself living a totally different life, a life i can't obtain in tis one, i seem to be peering through a window at another version of me, a responsible one, one that actually got his at together. i can see the details, the subtle differences, the choices, the forks in the roads, each tiny moment splitting.
i wake up to jaquinta offering me a coffee, the smell invades me, thanks babe i say.
we roll around a little then we jump in the car and head towards the highway. santa fe is about 4 hours north. the sun is rising, the heat is making its presence known, it's going to be a very hot day. above a vulture flies, following the car. im in the middle of telling jaquinta a story from my past when suddenly she pulls off road and we veer left.
'what are you doing.'
'gotta make the appointment.'
'but santa fe is that way.'
'yeah well this is where i am heading.'
about 40 ins later we pass a tree, it's a joshua tree. underneath, in it's shade is an indian sitting with a dog. the car screeches to a halt.
jaqinta turns off the music, yells out in spanish. the indian waves us towards him.
we prepare for vision quest, jaqcinta tells me we have to do this, she says we have to bathe and fast, we have to meditate and chant, focus our minds and then drink the brew the old indian gives us. i find a spot under the tree and lay down. the old indian offers me some water to wash my face and hands, he offers me a spliff, i relax.
time passes, clouds come and go, and then the sun makes its way across the skies, it's shadow crosses the desert. the temperature drops, the indian starts chanting and jaquinta makes a fire. we get smudged in sage. we drink the brew. i smile at jaquinta and settle into my space. vision quest.
i ask the great spirit to heal me, help me find my way, show me what i need to do, help me see through the veil and understand the truth.
for a moment i get a flash of guilt, all the reckless living. the mirror of the soul. the infinity of energy. explosion. dissolve time, mind, space everything. the horizon slips away, my hand tries to reach out for it, it stretches out before me. i look at it, the other hand before me, suddenly they start to flame, yet they do not burn. bright primary reds, yellow flames. and in my palm there is the eye.
i wake up, the fire is dying, the dog licks my leg. no one else is around, no sign of any one, even the car is gone. i call for jaquinta but i acknowledge her absence, deep down i know she is gone. if indeed she was ever there.
im under the stars, the realms of potential at my fingertips. i pull out a wad of notes, yeah enough to get to australia, i smile, i put my arm around the dog and laugh. the night is filled with stars.