friday night in a basement in kograh we rehearse, there's a little bit of trepidation, we often sound outta whack and inconsistent, there's a lot of chaos that slips in but tonight that chaos is controlled and we transcend. i find my voice, the band work on their dynamics, we start getting our shit together and the sound is very good. i have taken on board nevins comments, he really is a wise dude and understands things i am just grasping, everything he says it actually worthwhile hearing, considering and trusting, i like the way he works and plays, actually everyone is so brilliant i'm lucky. loius makes some amazing sax sounds on the squelching machine but he's tired he's worked all day, it's fucking blood sweat and tears when your in a band, it's a labour of love and a little bit of resentment, i understand this, i feel it to, it takes you away from your family, it costs time and cash, it's very demanding.
val plays with the ferocity and innovativeness of a surreal painter and together it comes, sucked into the vortex. i sing without the lyric sheets and it makes a big difference, much smoother, more present and i remember most of the words, there's a couple of lines i get wrong but no one seems to notice except val who smiles. i feel good about things. however i feel bad that we are fucking all struggling with cash, nevin pawned his guitar for $30, vals in the shit. looking for a way out, i'm fucking living on friends charity as my cash goes in to the band, this is what it's like, suffering for art, yet when you play a set that sounds good it's not suffering, it's rewarding and everything makes sense. kick the blues away with music, music heals man, it heals me, always has always will. sound waves man, it's all energy. we make a trance dimensional energy, we will take you there.
nevin and i talk about working on a project, it's very appealing, and i think the band will really like it.
anyways i have had no sleep, maybe a couple of hours, i wake up sneezing and feeling awful as the neighbours are making a racket, the rain is depressing, the heat filters in, the sun is to bright, i need a blood transfusion and i have no cash for coffee.