my father is dying. 
it's a strange kind of helplessness i feel. i don't really discuss it much with people around me, i don't want sympathy or advice, death is inevitable it comes for us all. i accept it. but the helplessness is i planned to visit my father in july, it was all laid out like a well mapped out family plan  but this changes things. my family is quite fractured, communication is their challenge, mixed messages and the only reliable source is my son, who is remarkable in not just keeping me informed but being accurate.

meanwhile my friend is dying from cancer on the spine. i do what i can to help, what can you really do in the face of death. 

i have to meet my family responsibility, it's going to be hard but i need to make some decisions and then attempt to actualise them. i knew this was coming, i thought i may have a few more months but it looks like it's upon me.