blah! i am exhausted and can't quite catch up with myself, a lump of flesh holding a bone machine together along its essential organs. the sun streams through filtering its way through my jungle, wild animals make their calls and i stumble to the shower and then to make my morning coffee. after which i check upon my messages and then haul my self towards work, got a number of stops en route. man's gotta make a extra buck here and there, besides i'm attempting to plan my year and it's going to involve a lot of logistics and money which strangely keeps pouring in, without any effort. however like all physics there is an equal and opposite reaction thus i am hit with a number of real world fines, taxes, charges and fees.

take my unregistered car which i had no idea about. since they removed the sticker and made it electronic i never received a reminder this year. so when i get pulled over by the fat controller he issues me with a massive fine which i then have to pay plus my reg. 

ironically the very next day i get my reminder in the mail. cue the gods above laughing as they pawn with my life.

next various bills i struggle with, the cost of living seems to have doubled in the last few months. groceries i used to pay $10 for are now $50. it's nuts, plus my washing machine ceased working and $500 later i ponder weather it was worth repairing, after all new ones are about the same price with a guarantee. this disposable world, i fucking loathe it's stupidity. ultimately people become disposable.

anyway's death and taxes stalk me, my two very great and loyal friends have terminal cancer so i do what i can. no point in beating around the bush, you gotta confront death and laugh in it's face or transition with grace and ritual. i've done it and it's not easy, but it should be. it's all in attitude. however i want my friends to stick around and hang with me, i don't have many left, so it's sad for me to think they suffer and are in pain. fucking cancer.

one of these beautiful people is coming to visit me on monday, i'm looking forwards to seeing her. strangely she lives overseas and texts me one morning to say she was at the airport and would be visiting me on the 20th. at exactly the same time i received that text i am talking about her to a work colleague. then about 5 hours later i am wandering through the sci fi dept in dymocks when i hear this voice call my name, i turn and there she is. 

we hug and swap war stories, smiling all the way through, she is amazing. both my friends are, one gets me home safe and sound every night saving me from the perils of micro sleep. what am i going to do without them. loyalty. it's worth fucking millions.

so the phone is ringing hot, i'm in demand, everyone wants a piece of me, which is rare but occasionally it does happen. i am exhausted and it's still morning, coffeed up to my eyeballs, ready to roll. 

let's go mission, lets go!