i didn't sleep well last night, some anxiety over a work issue pushes me into a corner i don't want to be. i speak to a friend and she suggests i fight, but truth is i don't want to. i'm tired of it all. it's endless, all i do is clean up other peoples mistakes and then get blamed for it. so perhaps this is a moment where i must at least stand up for myself. however most of the time when i work i feel surrounded by people who are really not present and seem to get rewarded for it. in fact i think most bar one or two even know what their job actually is.

the surf this morning is huge and strong waves propel me into blue rooms, it's exhilarating, powerful and gives back to me what is taken.

i return to mission control and get stuck into some work, paperwork, putting affairs in order. there's a certain amount of online forms i need to navigate and phone calls, but i power through and finally it ends. 

my mind is focused although tired, that's the beauty of neptune, always feeds me what was taken. you name it, neptune returns. my relationship with terrible beach is now better than my relationship with avalon beach where i spent my formative years learning the surf. sure those days i was in much bigger dangerous waves, i was reckless and unafraid but now i have learnt to respect and honour the ocean, always stay within my boundaries.

as the sun sets i contemplate a new job. i could really walk into any job in my field but i figure i may do something new, something different.