i forget everything, in an ocean of quanta, simple things float, dense things sink, information games played out by an army of slaves in combat with an enemy that looks like you, hostile takeovers disguised in friendly fires. generals and majors, sitting up high on the mountain tops, looking down at their armies, pawns, knights and some dumb looser in a tee shirt singing the military blues, 'i'm just a foot solider in the army of love.'
i forget the forgotten days, the remembered nights where victory had the same taste as defeat, almost.
some one speaks, asking you your rank, 'i'm just a foot solider, in the army of love.'
later in the trenches you're checking your artillery, you have enough ammo to sink a battleship, but your people have no enthusiasm, they have vacant looks in their eyes, like afflicted, shell shocked, already defeated, they have seen it all and just want a soft exit.
it's night time when the fear comes, you're already frozen but now there's a cold fever sweat, a horror, creeping its way up your spine, nerves are shot to pieces. when the enemy comes it comes hard, that training kicks in, over rides fear, you been here before, it's second nature, war, hardwired into the first brain. the enemy has your face, it's easy to get confused, you have to transcend your attachments to yourself, learn to love your enemy.
magnificent explosions light up the skies, yellow flares, orange flames, short bursts off trails, some deep blue plasma flash. you watch them fall, one by one, in their strange suits, chameleon skin, you see your own fear in their eyes, you taste it but its bitter and leaves you feeling nauseous. the same nausea you had as a civilian, the one camus wrote about, it's deeply entrenched in your guts, deep in your bones where the culture gestates.
some one falls over you, you scramble out from the trench, a splatter of blood hits your chest, s body collides into you, it's a comrade, you pick him up and point him forwards for a date with a plasma bomb, bits of flesh fly across the sky. that was some one, once. they use conventional weapons, ones you are familiar with, but they have an array of non lethal ones that you and your comrades fear, you have seen the eyes of those who are under the influence, you have gazed into the abyss itself. you do not fear death but the alternative terrifies you.
running, there's no way out, just gotta keep going, get away, find a place to hide, i zig zag my way through the darkness, short bursts of illumination guide me to a few good intermittent dug outs, a pile of bodies makes good cover, a burnt out shell from a tank, a small supply pod, a ditch filled with mud and the dead, a trench and a small bunker where i grab some pulse grenades and a pair of night vision goggles, which prove invaluable. as i move i encounter individuals, some naked, they look lost and tranquil, they mumble to themselves and i see they have succumb to the phycological weaponry, the hallucinatory and mind altering gas, the aztec bombs, mayan cluster missiles, dante inferno blast, the ignoble end of many a solder, to be forever lost in the forest dark, some have said there is no return.
my legs ache, my arm burns, and i can feel my heart beating far to fast, the thirst to stay alive keeps me moving forwards although i am disorientated, not sure if i'm heading further into enemy lines or am i getting further away, it's hard to tell as carnage is everywhere, there's no release. 
keep moving, that's how you stay alive, i clamber up out from the bunker and before i can get my legs out someone runs straight into me, throwing me back, i flay outwards, falling backwards. the body on top is screaming, i punch it hard in the face and then there's a scuffle but we are both frightened and disorientated. we realise we are on the same side, ironic, sides don't mean much anymore, when you're on the front line all sides contract to one line, the line that keeps you alive, its stay alive or die, thats the choice.
the kids crying, he''s lost, he just wants to get away, i offer him some stim gum and water. he nods gratefully and i tell him to stick by my side, 'we will get out of here kid, just stay close.'
once again we clamber up, our faces are covered in mud, i can't see anything, it's pitch black, no lights, fires must have burnt out now, not even a trace gun. the goggles help us move out of the war zone, it's far to quiet, my sensory system is screaming at me, it's unnatural, we run outwards, seeing the start of some woodland, i move towards the trees, suddenly a huge explosion, some sort of negative bomb implodes, light is sucked into the darkness, the young solider flies past me into the void, swallowed by the darkness. i grab the ground as i feel the pull, my left hand grabs onto a twisted piece of metal that seems embedded in the ground, it's the landing skid from a helicopter. debris flies past me, a few bodies and some crates. i hang on until the tiny black hole is extinguished, my body crashes down as gravity takes control as the dominant force. 
i'm on my own now, running into the woods, i run and run deeper, until there's no more running left, until my legs are spent and my heart feels like it will explode, i am on my knees hyperventilating, the ground seems to spin, the stars, i can see stars there, through the treetops, i can fucking see stars. 
i lay on my back, breathing heavily looking at the stars, i can see andromeda seven, i laugh but end up spluttering, i regulate my breathing, i can smell fresh air, the air here is clean, i suck it down filling my lungs. sparkles appear, shimmering shapes, i see them come out of the night, is this the enemy, i'm defeated, i surrender to the future, i can't remember anything, who is the enemy, who am i. what was i fighting for, why am i on my back staring at these shapes, i can't remember even having a memory.