the morning is overcast, clouds roll by threatening a downpour, and i really should be asleep but instead im watching dawn enter like a mahler tune, the ocean looks uninviting and angry, it's tinged an angry grey, and choppy waves scream, 'stay away.'

from up where i am it all seems far away, this new spot, cocooned in sipping coffee that tastes more like chicory, munching on sourdough toast with a cheap thing peanut butter. i dunno, i'd splash out a little myself but it's not my cafe. the music is pure 70's middle of the road rock, it's awful. but i'm shielded from the elements and protected from a cold wind.

i've left my book in my car so have to make do staring out at the world, my exhuasted brain can't make sense of it. all i want to do is fall asleep but i have to go to work. 

work is busy, it's nuts, everything is distorted and everyone is demanding of my time. i'm finding myself burning up from heat, as though my body is just steamed up. there is no respite. the guy i work with is okay but a bit stupid, has no insight really and just makes life harder but making so many mistakes, everything he does is half hearted and i have to correct. at one point in the evening i catch my reflection. heavy dark bags under and around my eyes, i look terrible. a spectral figure, half dead. i'm a little freaked out, a little scared at my appearence. some audtor is on site and comes over to interveiw me, she's asking me loads of questions and although i answer them correctly i feel myself wanting to scream and bite her. it's just me, being overtired, being pushed to a limit. i somehow manage to answer all her questions and make her laugh. luck.

by 2130 i feel myself fade, as though my race is run. it's a surrendering, i just give up. all the fight is knocked out of me now, i just no longer care. when the race is run, it's run.