i wake up in a desert, in a white shirt, black jeans and some sort of bracelet, my hairs a lot longer, i have a huge beard and my skin feels cold from a long desert night.

i brush the sand from me, dust and some debris, it falls off in some kind of fairy like time, sparkling like glitter, silver and gold.

it's hot already, the suns low on the horizon, there's some big black bird flying in circles in the distance.  i'm standing with my back to a huge tree, joshua tree, a yuccu. it's massive, towering over me, casting a long shadow on the red dirt.

on the first branch i notice a rope hanging down, as i look closer i see it is a noose that has snapped. instinctively my hands feel along my throat, there's something not quite right, the abrasions i can feel are raw, scared tissue and traces of blood where the skin has broken. i start walking towards the bird. the glare of the sun ahead makes me look down at the dirt and i can occasionally make out a single pair of footprints.

what the hell is this, a dream, a nightmare? 

i can only hear my breathing, like a steam train travelling at a slow consistent speed, puffing out, breathing in. meditative, i intuitively move to 4: :4 :4 :4 breathing cycle. i feel my body stretching out and move some energy through it, straightening the spine, stretching muscles, getting a sense of space within my body, my steps become stronger, determined. the bird is doing it's circuits but starting to descend now. from about 150 yards away i see theres something there, a body and my walking gains momentum.

i have to get to it before the bird, i start running.

i'm shoo-ing the bird away, it's a big raven or crow or something ominous and after hoping on the bodies chest it seems to sweep itself to the side and watch me as i pass, and look upon the body that lays still and silent upon the ground.
that's me, no point in denying the inevitable obvious, i'm laying there neck all broken, limbs awkwardly sprawled out, i must have made it this far from the noose, stumbled out in my dying last breath's. 
the bird looks at me, its head cocked to one side as it pecks into the broken skin of the neck and pulls up a chunk of bloody pulp. it's repulsive and horrific but the graphic image as it pulls upon some reluctant tendon stretching this bright red stringy flesh has an attractive beauty, there's somethings strangely liberating about watching yourself being eaten. to some inner part of my nature this seems fair and reasonable. the bird hacks away at some more bloody flesh, and opens his wings spreading them wide, magnificent creature, caws once and shoves his beak down into the feast.
soon i'm watching other birds fly down, ravens, crows,  carrion, all deathly black, they feat upon me occasionally stopping and watching me, as if they know something i can't quite fathom, as if to reassure me. i feel myself expanding, growing larger as my corporeal body is disseminated, i feel my blood in the earth being absorbed, draining down into the substrata, being fed into root systems of trees and flowing through trunks, upwards into leaves and flowers, i feel my essence in flight, a million pairs of eyes are mine, i see everything, i feel myself within worms and bugs, gaining insect awareness, sound, smell, time, taste, movement, my energy is larger as i feel myself diminish in body. 
i'm everywhere, in the air looking at the earth, moving though the currents in wind, gliding over plains and deserts and forests, i am expansive, unbounded in death, i'm more alive than ever.