in the western lands, the real outback lays in wait, the mystical landscape of the dreamtime, the closing of the mists, avalon is lost to the english as the dreaming fades thanks to a diet of various toxic imports, namely alcohol or as my outback hosts call it 'grog' and the less sophisticated 'piss.'
i spend my time defending my choice not to drink it, i am considered the strange english man, who is to polite, to quiet, as here in the suburbs i attend a bbq, where poor slaughtered animals are eaten by drunk and obnoxious fools who brutalise their wives and women folk and persecute my good self for retaining my basic principle of abstinence from alcohol and meat eating for pleasure. i am taunted endlessly, they throw darts at me, attempt to strike me with a huge stick, they talk about abandoning me in the desert and then my worst fear dumping me in the shark infested ocean. i smirk it away and in false bravado mention i will take as many down with me as possible. they don't seem to care, their beer and vodkas have made them loose all humanity. i hate this but i stand my ground, they goad me into playing stupid games, pool and darts, amazingly i am very good at both and win thanks to some sort of divine intervention.
the girls join in, like little piranha fish around a pack of sharks, these girls stick by their men, admirable and pathetic. a quick backhanded slap and i guess the defeated hearts of suburban housewives are entrenched in these relationships. i hate this, frittering time away with zombies, trying to find a way to keep the peace until i can get away. one by one the vodka pulls them under, the beer pickles them, thinking becomes slow and sluggish, the sentences can't hold, words become garbled nonsense and then i move in for the kill, striking while the iron is hot, i roll up a big fat spliff and smoke it while they shut down neuron after neuron, popping out like the perth lights once popped on for nasa, now in some strange fated time loop my light comes on.
fuck you moronic drinkers and abusers of women, fuck you all you selfish bogon pricks.