down at freestate, not the cafe i really hang out at but everyone else does and i like them a lot, so here i am chatting away, swapping stories. 
the lord mayor of terrible is peter proud, a great guy who i really like a lot. he swims every morning with monique and they are close friends. andrew is monique's husband and he's part of the tribe as well, another great man. so they are telling me a story about a white picket fence.
peter just bought a house and i joke, 'all you need is a white picket fence.'

the story starts with peter and monique finding an advert in a local magazine, white picket fence free to whoever wants it. if it's still there, it's yours. so pete rings up, and gets the street address, he sets off with monique. as they approach the street they realise they don't have a house number and the owner is not responding to texts. they drive up and down the street and see a lone white picket fence standing around a small house. it's the only one on the street so they disassemble it and heft it onto their utility. as they drive away they get a text from the owner which says 'she wants to give it to someone else.'

peter looks at monique and monique looks at pete, she yells, 'drive.'

and they do.

another story, robert is having a holiday in queensland at fortitude valley, and one night him and a friend go out to a huge club which has about 8 other clubs inside. each club has a theme, one is gay, one for transvestites, wone for transexuals, one for band d, ect. rob goes to the bathroom where he is propositioned by a guy offering a free head job. now robs a big biker guy, he races bikes and is pretty intimidating but he comes out of the bathroom and catches his friend who is very nervous, 'we can't stay here, it's not for us.' his friend says.

'yeah but if you go to the bathrooms you get a free headjob.'

it was hilarious and i burst out laughing but two lesbians at our table stood up and left.