it's okay don't panic, i am used to people hating me, as soon as they find out my background the gates are open and it floods out. i'm a veteran. girls who have loved me so utterly and completely suddenly find me repulsive and leave, friends i have known for years suddenly abandon me, ha, even my best friend dr. crack found it paradoxical, he couldn't get over it but he stuck with me till the end cos he loved me. 
i'm okay with it, it's not my place to defend a whole civilisation, i'm not after anything from people, if you wanna loathe me, go ahead, i'm available, project it all, for what is hate?
i forgive everything, ha! i forget everything, jesus and buddha teach loving your enemy and non attachment. i'm not attached to history, to ideas, ideological memes, religious or political, all of them serve no purpose for me. but they do for you. i love my enemy, i thank them for assisting me on my path, for representing my shadow.
i understand it's something deep at work, some energy needing to express itself. let it out, its better to release it than repress it although i won't go quietly into a gas oven so expect some resistance if it comes down to that.
life is short. i want to love right, i don't want to fall under a shadow of fear, it's to vampyric for me. 
everything will come out in the wash, the lambs and the wolves and the wolves dressed in lambskins, from where i am its best to love them all.