hanging out with mum and dad i been kinda feeling strange about them, us and it. was i a good son, probably not, did i make them proud, err possibly not, did i reward them their sufferings, err definitely not. i high tailed it out of london before i could even vote, i hated england, the whole history boiled in my bones, it's empire, it's hypocrisy and it's class structures, it's defeatism. i did like the punk years but now i hear the clash in my supermarket piped through tinny speakers i just feel; depressed. europe called, america, north america and asia, and any thing that reminded me of my past was forgotten, including my parents. instead i think i broke the commandments, not all of them, i've yet to kill someone and i never covert a neighbors wife, in fact i can't even recall the commandments but i do recall rejecting the idea that some invisible being control my behavior and thoughts and destiny.



people ask me about my hostility to radical islam, it's strange that i even have to justify it, i'm hostile to radical judaism, christianity and buddhism as well, equally but it's an aggressive meme with a virulent nature towards other meeker memes. i want the meek to inherit the earth. my son is gay, i am a jew, whatever that means,, i take drugs, listen to a band called the church, enjoy sex, my best friend is a lesbian, i like technology, i'm not very pc, i don't have a problem with what anyone else wants to do as long as they respect my right to do what i want. is that wrong? so bottom line is any religious or political ideology that wants to infringe it's control upon freedom is a problem to me. i don't really like the government, the tax office or the rta either come to think of it.
anyways, it's just my point of view and what do i know, only what i know. it means nothing in cosmic terms. but i'm sure i am a cock and a coward and it pains me that im lodged in someones head irritating them, i never set out to irritate anyone, my blog is basically a canvas where i sit and write strange things that enter my head, some of it weird and descriptive, some stupid and silly, some political and controversial and some esoteric but i acknowledge there's a lot of crap to, it's not meant to be a serious romp through my consciousness, its just my strange expression. i give names to things that remain un named, i look for meaning where meaning is unclear, i make comments on coconuts with ill intent, i find some beauty in the elements and some chaos in humanity, sometimes i find beauty in humanity and chaos in the elements, i'm no saint, i'm no angel, i'm just a fool (not an idiot, but then again..) attempting to take one step forward as i take two steps back. don't pay me no mind, i'm a glitch and somewhere in my program i'm not even really ment to be here. peace.

i think about my fathers frailness, he was a strong independent man, now he requires a walking stick, his hearing is going (mine to) i am constantly explaining and repeating things, he seems happy just to read all day rather than explore the environment, he is interested in angelic communication and appears happy that i have an interest in enochian. he always had a head for mystery and loved that side of his family, one i rejected but found as i got older was making it's presence felt in some way, maybe it's in me genes.

i want to tell my family i love them all but i am enslaved by that strange autistic trait that never allows me to get close to anyone, anyone, it's painfully difficult for me, it's like a terrible curse some one placed upon me, yet it's there in my heart. i'm scared of loosing my dad. it's really killing me.