nervous and exhuasted, awake for 36 hours, driving home to mission control, i eventually threw myself into the shower when the phone rings, emilie broken down, i offered to assist as any anti hero would, drive out to meet her at the garage, we go for a drink, me peppermint tea her beer, as the moon hangs over the water, crowds of youth next to us in the throws of hormonal activity, reality shape shifts, my will is weak, heart heavy and my soul is slipping into realms of strangeness, where words get jumbled, thrown into the whirlpool of mixed emotions and confusion, this is the place where things happen, but tonight it's emile talking about kiting, the wind and tangled lines and i confess, i was not hearing words just that voice. when i looked into her eyes they were ablaze, maybe it was the moon light, but they were on cold fire.
i heard how she fucked her friend again, how she needed to play his game and win, how she enjoys the game and slowley everything disolved and i was melting, the universe was melting, everything melting, then i gave her the cd i made, it was called 'melting' so it seemed appropriate. briefly we spoke about dreams and i told her about my tiger dream (located elsewhere in this blog) then she drew me a picture of a little red riding hood, dominatrix version, i asked her what was in the basket and she drew a pair of handcuffs, which i knew she was going to draw. my knowledge of her is uncanny, i feel as if i know so much more than she does, i feel as though nothing can surprise me anymore, but i am so tired and distortion creeps in, doing its thing, i know my limits, i know when i am defeated, i know that i can never be defeated, i know to much, the secrets of the universe, the revelations, the physics of it, the mystery, the beautiful truth and it's paradox. Me.