i'm travelling through the night time, with it's creatures and features, the 24/7 vibration blues as salvation drugs kick in deep and hard, the forecast says rain but its crystal clear night with abundant stars sprawled across the curvature of space. a cosmic orgasm by some life giving being we could never comprehend. the milky way comes over us all creamy way. 

i'm wrapped up in clothes and scarves like a troubadour gypsy expelled from the population along with his compadres, a vagabond bunch of desperadoes and heavy hombres, badasses and desperadoes. we have south american pine cone voodoo happening, a shaman waves some palo santa and mutters some icaros. we don't need to be part of your mass population, we don't need friends like you, we don't need validation from ghosts and zombies.

a girl in the front seat passes me a cd, 'is this okay captain?'

one glance at the cover tells me it is, 'oh yeah, that's perfect.'

the shaman nods, the music kicks in and we approach the city.

she smiles, clambers into the back, falling onto us, snuggles up close to me. her hands are cold, fingers link mine like some sort of organic locking device. her other hands clutch her compadres hand in a tight clasp.

the bass kicks in, we smile, i nod my head and click my fingers on my free hand. 

'i wanna love more.'

she passes me her half blazing joint. 

the city streets swarm, the drunk hordes, the unregulated body temperatures of girls in skimpy clothes, tight tee shirts, unstable heels and short skirts. boys following impulses that can only lead them to girls. it's a loved up symphony, a hadron sex colliding machine, chemical ecstasy a short term solution to the intense situation we all find ourself within. 

i am the voyeur of utter sensuality, orchestrating hedonistic impulses that are followed through like a satanic indulgent pleasure. my dissolution leaves me absorbed in pleasure only, the only truth i find is in the lie.

it has integrity, it has authenticity, it has so much more value than the truth. i rather accept the lie for it is what it is, than the truth for what it is not. that's how dedicated and committed i am.

pleasure. give me danger little stranger, pleasure principles, pleasure of indulgence. living in the moment is a satanic concept really, an abolition of responsibility, let's face it human nature is selfish and now i want to be selfish. at least for a night. 

mikhalia pulls up and reverses into a space on oxford street. she waits for the song to end before switching the engine off. 

between her alexia and emily i share a trust. 

the zen girls are unpredictable. it's like casting the i ching or playing chicken in the bermuda triangle. they create a zone of possibility and probability, it's taken me a while to understand their physics and in all honesty it's not the physics that one needs to even understand it's the acceptance of being in the non determined state. it's nice and easy to live in a place where you enter a probability and then have a choice but the zen girls are not about choice, they abduct and then inform. reformatting, imprinting. when the experience is over you are in a different place or different mind. it's like molecular structure is completely rearranged, an unholy trinity, born again in theory. 

usually they come visit and smoke weed, share some mushrooms, sometimes it's just sex, sometimes it's to play a cd or do some housework for me. i'm not sure why they take an interest in me, it's not like i lead an exciting life. when i ask them they just say, 'we like hanging with ya mission, you're the most interesting man we know.'

so right now mikhalia is adjusting her clothes. i scan her like anyone would scan a venesian milo, she's looking very much like she belongs in the 30's tonight, a sexy parisian nightclub look from a lost era, confident sexy and chic. she flashes me a fast smile and runs her fingers through my beard which has grown wilder than ever.

i hug the shaman who is getting into the drivers seat ready to depart for his next appointment. i thank him for driving. mikhalia grabs me tightly and pulls me away.

'come on, we gotta go someplace special tonight.'

she takes my hand and emily takes my other arm while alexia goes running in her leather boots into the newsagent to buy something essential, quite possibly skins for joints. we wait outside some weird window display, guessing at what kind of products this shop would sell. the display is very ambiguous. a structure sculpture made out of coat hangers with no discernible shape. 

when alexia catches up with us she's wearing a wide grin and marches past us pointing to what i think is the neon sign ahead, 'oh this is going to be a great night guys, i can feel it in my bones.'

great night, i don't really need a great night but the girls are set on entertaining me, i just hope the music will be right else i'm doomed. no doubt they will want to dance and persuade me to join them. no doubt i will be subjected to the horrors of social activity and integrating in some weird club with strangers and having to reverse engineer scrambled eggs conversation from people i will never know and whom can never know me. the girls will protect me but eventually they will dance and leave me alone and no doubt someone else will invariably find me interesting. aggggh! 

i'm quite the reluctant hedonist these days not sure how to have a good time anymore, jaded and worn out, no, i must dismiss that thought lest it send me back into a reclusive misanthropic mode. the new me is all about good times. i have untold resources now, money is not an issue thanks to a strange and ridiculously large windfall. i have no stress anymore, no needs for any kind of monetary security as it's all taken care off. i can basically do what i want, only limited by these strange conditions of another year of plague 2022.

but big nights out, getting wasted, dancing and carrying on... my old bones just seek a quiet life. my gears should be going downwards, instead they move into turbo and accelerate me forwards.

the girls now pick up their pace, walking into the heart of darlinghurst like an elite gang of colorful glamorous assassins after a successful big hit, it's the big payoff. i'm their prisoner or handler, blurred lines, hard to distinguish.

we walk passed the neon signs. a few bouncers involuntary turn their heads to face the women i'm sure it's not me they are interested in, they are all compelled by the force of beauty, it's natural biology. we take a left into a dark alley and my curiosity is sparked, this looks like a place to get mugged more than dance.

suddenly the trio stop and gather around me.

'we wanted to surprise you mission,' emily whispers as mikhalia and alexia grab an arm each and gently make me face a steel fortress like door covered in graffiti and sporting a keyboard industrial coded lock. mikhalia's elegant finger stretches out and i hear the sequence of discrete blips as she punches the numbers. she pushes the huge mighty door open and then one by one we file inside.

'what!'

'it's our lair, you have mission control we have the lair.'

i'm amazed at the contrasting interior, as soon as i walked through a small passageway i was looking into a massive warehouse space, mostly decked out in a plush, very feminine living space. 3 different coloured chaise lounge, purple, hot pink, and black all from different periods. the black a classical goth chic, the hot pink straight out off 1966 and that purple elegantly detailed sculpted finesse is pure french baroque. they triangulate around a beautifully ornate circular coffee table littered with a mix of up to date fashion magazines, travel journals and computer tech mags. there was the open copy of the collected works of baudelaire looking well worn and a copy of nietzsche's 'beyond good and evil, and lastly a closed book with a lace bookmark sticking out a third of the way through. it was jung's 'red book.'

we sprawl out on the lounges, emma starts rolling a joint, 'shall i put some music on?'

'i'll do it, something classical i think.'

'rackcy number 2 please emma.'

'yes that would be perfect,' alexia says.

the soft piano drifts in from hidden speakers, and i sink into the cosy atmosphere.

'let's play a game,' emily suggests.

'i have a game we can play. mission has known us for a long time, he's a smart cookie. lets see if he can match the book with the girl. each one he gets correct he gets to fuck.'

'hey, come on mikhalia. i'm not that easy you know.'

'ah come on mission, play with us, guess the book.'

'he's going to do it, you know he is.'

it's obvious. i did it straight away, emily the poet, alexia the shadow dancer so jung leaves mikhalia the darkest mind in the room, obviously beyond good and undoubtedly slightly evil.'

they start purring and fawning over me like i was the cream and they were starving cats, it's a mixture of erotic and humiliating at the same time, but what the hell, i'm done with values, nobility, fuck that, lets just indulge in the fickle wanton flesh, after all it's kinda hard to resist and why....my moral compass points up.

i kiss all three of them and we giggle a bit and smoke more weed. 

later i say, 'hey are you going to show me around your lair.'

'ah well i think you have seen more than enough for one night.'

emily whispers, 'we could introduce him to yuri.'

i perk up, 'who's yuri?'

'oh you know him, well off him, we sort off know him to. in fact we have him downstairs.'

'okay look i know you zen girls are into some weird shit but now i wanna see yuri, i'm curious.'

'well actually it is why we brought you here. we kinda got side tracked.' 

more cute giggles and coy looks.

they lead me past the open plan kitchen area, i can't see any food but do see a very swanky looking silver coffee machine.

mikhalia opens the large silver fridge and pulls out a bottle of champagne, she grabs three glasses from somewhere and places them in a line on the bench. then she pops and pours, each girl takes a glass. 'to mission, our friend.'

they know i don't drink, they know i loathe champagne but mikhalia throws me a cool bottle of water so i can acknowledge their toast.

'that's so very kind, here's to the zen girls.'

'oh your an honoury zen girl mission.'

'i smile, 'okay, l'chaim, to life.'

taking our drinks i am led towards a silver doorway and emily pushes a red button with an arrow pointing down. a door slides open revealing a plush elevator. the mirrors on either side reflect us to infinity and i wonder if this would be a good moment to die. 

i do this a lot in life, find my peak points and identify them, usually with girls and sometimes in nature or after catching an amazing wave, or seeing the church play live. i figure i done it all now, what's the point, i rather exit on a high than low. my life is intersected with these points, perfect moments.

our decent is so elegant i hardly notice until the door opens again. 

this time i'm greeted by what looks like a cross between nasa mission control, the batcave and some sort of hi tech survivalist bunker.

the lighting is strange, executed in a way certain key points are illuminated while others are hidden in the dark.

'now this is a very lair like lair,' i say as i follow them around the maze of lighting. 

'it's the lair inside the lair,' one of the girls whispers.

after a moment we stop and a large column and array of desks, computers and digital equipment that sprawls out. i'm speechless, not sure if i am in a state of shock or disbelief, for there in a science fiction styled glass container filled with liquid and what seems to be nutrients and bubbles is the head of yuri bezmenov. from his neck are a selection of floating filaments that appear attached around a central stem, a cpu.

yuri's eyes are closed, his nostrils indicate a deep breathing although it's possibly instinctive as there are no lungs and oxygen seems to be passed through the water in a light gas bubble cloud.

'how?'

i stammer, it's just one word but it's a huge concept and i'm overwhelmed with what is not just inconceivable but also incomprehensible.

'oh mission, you hate details, it's not important. what we wanted to do was introduce you to a hero of yours we acquired. it's our gift to you.'

i grab the nearest glass, it happens to be alexia's and i drain it, letting a long breathe escape when it's done. i find myself sitting down, looking up at his face. it's him, the bald head, the heavy eyes, the angular features, all that's missing is the spectacles.

'let's wake him up.'

emily activates something, and the density of the bubbles increases. 

his eyes open slowly, and they move from the girls to me.

'ah, mission. i am honoured.'

i fumble for words, 'oh no, please, i am, please, ah forgive me...i'm ...somewhat shocked.'

he laughs and then his eyes sparkle.

'i read your blog every time you make an entry, some of those posts are very interesting.'

'you read me?'

'ah yes, you are inconsistent but interesting. i'm sorry for that twin flame period, it seems you suffered but suffering is relative correct?'

'yeah, i'm okay now, that's what matters right. and it's just experience. a really bad one but experience nonetheless.'

'yes, experience. it's all experience. until someone gets poked in the eye. ha! ha! ha! the girls speak off you so often, so i am happy to finally meet you.'

'mr, bezmenov can i ...'

'please yuri is fine.'

'what the hell are you doing in a glass jar?'

the girls acquired my head and brain, froze it and began reanimation when technology was proficient. they were young, 11 year old kids, i didn't want to disappoint their ideals. they kept me in deep freeze for 25 years. then i find myself here, catching up with time. events.'

'you were correct about everything yuri, a visionary in many ways. your life was worthy, i thank you for an incredible education, you shaped my political life in the same way orwell did.'

'i wish i were forgettable individual, a man who history abandons as being fruitcake. a man who got it all wrong but unfortunately for humanity i was correct right?'

'exactly like you said.'

there's a silence for a few seconds. yuri smiles and says, 'you have a much wider spiritual experience than myself, i am conditioned in the politics of man, whereas you are the spirit. i am spending my time understanding this spirit.'

'does it help you?'

a wry smile, 'i am already dead, i need no help, you do.'

i've never been good at accepting help, always been so independent but yuri is right, i need help when it comes to living. i can't keep pursuing hedonistic impulses. self destruction is so passe even if it's very stylish.

'how yuri, how do i move forwards. i'm a man who has everything, money, friendship, family and the grace of god but i reject everything as i slide into the meaningless of it all.'

'it is all meaningless mission, but you are not here for meaning, meaning is what you give. it is your mission to write yes.'

'it's my will, my true will. nothing else matters, it's so compulsive.'

'then continue to write the meaning for the world.'

'but i'm no saint, no one likes my stuff, it's all pulp stream of consciousness meta fiction. i write for my own needs and impulsion.'

'you believe you follow a star but you are mistaken. you are a star.

'now, go write. i must sleep.'

his eyes close slowly and remain shut.

i watch the bubble activity slow down and return to a gentle stream.

'we can't sustain him for long, maybe a few minites max. it's getting shorter every session.'

i turn face the three, 'it's remarkable you have him.'

'ah well we acquired him for you mission,' emily says.

'age 11?'

'we have always been very forward thinking.'

mikalah grabs my hand and we return through the labyrinth of the basement.

'what now?'

'when was the last time you had a spa?' 

 

joan rivers was a really funny woman

she knew how to aim her blows

that outrage and barbed witticism

she had no shame when it came to the female orgasm

she knew a thing about men as well, how they operate 

she was outrageous 

and courageous

you could never extinguish her

yet many tried 

she was no old jaded tragic

she just gave back, the comedienne

what a piece of work!

her big old heart was no small thing

joan rivers went out making me laugh

that's gotta count for something

 

 

 

 14-02-22

strange occurrence.

i found myself in a second hand bookshop i used to frequent, i'm having a great discussion with the owners father whom i have known from the old days. he is a jazz aficionado and i always loved the music he played when i used to peruse the shelves, we exchanged hello's and he pointed to the science fiction section as he knows that's where i like to peruse. it's a big shop, filled with rooms, corridors and nooks. the area he pointed to was half filled with books while plastic bags piled over the rest of the floor, sometimes several deep.

'as you can see we are tiding up,' the jazz man sayeth, 'but we have some shelves filled with science fiction.'

i peer in, noticing that yet again book shops always make the mistake of mixing up science fiction with fantasy.

'there's a big difference,' i say, 'science fiction appeals to a smaller cross section and is a more challenging read.'

he's bemused by this and we embark upon a long interesting discussion upon writers and how they should be categorized within these genres.

a lovely young lady stands at the counter with her pile of books, all classics and i suggest that he serve her, as he does he explains that i am a writer and we are discussing the differences between sci fi and fantasy.

she agrees with me and then asks what i write.

and at that moment the jazz man says, 'hang on, i can show you and pulls out a copy of my book which he has under the counter.

i'm bemused by this strange occurrence as the girl buys a copy and the jazz man gives me the cash, which in turn is used to buy an andrew vachess book by me.

the young lady asks if i can sign the book for her and i do, inscribing it with a dedication and i notice my book piled up with her purchases of chaucer, charles dickens and keats. how very strange life is. both myself, the young lady and the jazzman agree we have shared a beautiful moment. 

happy valentines day

memory of me drawing a sketch of this idea to explain it -

when i was 14 i came up with a theory about humanity evolving towards what i called the matrix. i explained it to a peer of mine as each individual has a role to play, and by finding their true nature and working towards their destiny, the matrix will evolve and activate. on a global level it will be akin to a massive evolutionary leap. this was way before the film the matrix and the internet.

what i had no idea about was thelema, the philosophy of true will which coincidentally aligned with my idea. thelema was looking at an individual level quite correctly whereas i was looking at a collective. 

it's weird how this memory surfaced today.

an unnamed washed up drunken misanthrope hides away from humanity in the mexican jungle with a small group of indians known as chiapas who see more than just a washed up failure who drinks, hunts and sleeps. 

when he gets very sick the shaman 'black ant' saves him and while he's at it, also exorcises the alcoholic spirit and they dub the man 'wise owl.'

in his recovery wise owl listens to the mosquitoes, their buzzing and noise appears random and meaningless but as he listens he begins to hear patterns and formulates a theory of language which can be communicated by wise owl's home made flute. 

thus begins a strange and brilliant tale, first written in 1947 a tale which is relevant now in terms of ecological devastation,  the idea of colonialism and what happens when one species assumes they are in control of the universe over another.

this is an outstanding book, rafael bernal is a mexican joseph conrad but with science fiction overtones, and a style that is compulsive. this book will blow your mind!

come closer 

by

the deep fix

sara gran has a beautiful mind
it's dark and gothic 

like an old druid

something eerie leaking out her psyche

on a haunted typewriter

in strange loop time

come closer baby

lets follow the signs

now wave your wand

hold my hand

jump in the void

let your mind expand

sara gran wrote it down

in her book of shadows

filled with spells

turn the pages

whats that symbol

come closer baby

and do the ritual

now wave your wand

hold my hand

into the void

let your mind expand

sara gran

you are the one

with your weird poetry

and detective eye

with your words and tales

and hideous truths

such beautiful lies

come closer baby

close to me

come closer baby

close to me

  

those idiots, a legion of power crazed crocodiles salivating at the thought of more. more this more that, i want more. 
your thoughts betray you. 
more power, more fame, more control, more glory, more money, more sex, more accolades, more more more, till you can't get any more in. then what?

i'm reading max seeck's novel, set in finland, a place i like in summer. all that snow and long endless night in winter time would drive me nuts but my visit during summer was quite beautiful. home of moomintroll, my childhood escape. i remember a few years ago walking through a market down near the ferry in helsinki, a women selling tiny statue figures of strange little creatures. 'you put them in your garden, or under plants, they encourage growth,' she said with sincerity. 

'yes, i have many friends who live within my garden.'

we smile, she asks if i will catch the ferry.

'yes, i will.'

helsinki in summer is profoundly beautiful, the sun gets into everywhere no matter how concealed, it's like the light that curves around corners.i visit the momin shop, it's two stories and filled with every momin product you can think off. i think about tove, wonder what she would make of such consumerism and market capitalism. it's a global empire now. she would probably turn in her grave and then on the other hand proudly feel how her art has influenced the children who couldn't quite dig mickey mouse.

i was that kid, a kid alone looking at the stars in wonder. i still am, only the stars have lost a little shine, and so have i.

hey you!

i enjoyed 'threshold' very much, particularly the ending which is excellent and completely paradoxical as it is the beginning of something else. everything ends with dmt and everything begins. i think personally the reason they keep it from us is 'they' know once experienced humanity has to re evaluate everything, history science, health, language, everything including cosmology.

i moved through the ayahuscia into the dmt, into the machine that runs the simulation. it's an alien experience, complete in every way known, it's the unknown. in order to access it one requires not just courage but madness, the same kind of madness is found in the poets, the idea of piercing the veil, breaking through, it's a shamanistic impulse to tear through the bullshit and behold the truth.

there is no language for this truth, no symbol, nothing can communicate it, just like the flea can never understand the fact it lives upon a dog, in a home, in a street, in a neighborhood, in a town, in a city, in a country, on a continent, on a planet on system, in a galaxy, in a universe.

dmt opens the door and through some quirk, for a fraction of time, allows you to see into the void but not long enough to ever establish a base there.

i've had large doses, met the machine intelligence.

ayahuscia opens windows but dmt opens the door.

 sex in the city?

sex in the country?

sex in the bed, kitchen, garden, hallway?

sex in the church?

sex in the pool?

sex outside in or inside out?

sex to go?

sex to go go?

sex to come?

sex sex sex!

i am peculating on a project, looking for a really innovative designer to work with. some one outside the box and with a gothic sensibility. i don't want no light worker on this one, i want someone who has a vividly dark imagination and twisted creativity. in fact the project requires more than one individual as stylistically it will be very diverse. multi media would be good.

from threshold

adam szymcrzyk a man so cool he did not have any vowels in his surname declared that the festival would adress the multiple crisis the world was currently enduring, mass migration, the renaissance of the far right, looming ecological catastrophe and so on. leaving aside the crisis of his unpronounceable surname, you could see his point - it really did feel like an emergency time on planet earth - but this institutional yoking of an art to political engagement seemed symptomatic of a broader cultural synergy, everywhere you looked, art was becoming indistinguishable from social work, progressive politics, liberal guilt. to join the tribe called contemporary art it was required that you loudly declaim a humanitarian worldview and place your work at its service.

threshold is like reading the 'fear and loathing' of the modern age. it's a travel book about books, philosophy and drugs. rob makes some great observations, ironic, poignant and creative, a writer i have taken to immediately. 

 check my blog on august 24 2020 then click this link

playing some nice tunes around mission control, the groovy morning spills the beans, in strange explosions of sunlight and fragmented waves, i plug in to the signal. 

changes, turn and face the strange.

well i'm not nailed to the cross but i was, it didn't last long just a few hours. i was not bleeding badly and there were no cuts, although things happen around me fast. 

fast love, fast life, fast death now, i'm not on any track, path or road. i have no idea what's next, i'm a crazy jazz cat doing what i do, moving through love, moving through life. 

the book i am reading has me, it's 'threshold' by rob doyle, a first person narrative of the author as he travels, takes drugs and philosophise, its part confession but one any middle aged boho could relate to, and i do.

i kinda like the writers cynicism, his internment between youth and middle age, his lazy lifestyle and hedonistic impulse, i like his honesty and it's what missing from modern writing, it transgresses, it offends and it's original although influenced by a succession of great writers, hst, burroughs, sebold, dwyer. cracking open the head, spilling the bubbles, lets have a look at life amongst the humans. 

hanging out in the faux italian villas of the central coasts cultural center, the small niche coffee shops, alternative fashions and  lovely little groovy areas where interesting objects de arte are on display, we wander through like old druids. man and son, cleaved from the same flesh, it's uncanny how alike we are and the strange karmic thread that weaves through us like some sexy double helix.

i dunno, i don't write often about my son, but he is amazing.

when i was 16 i left the UK and traveled, ending up in sydney australia. he left sydney and traveled and made a home in london, same street i was born. he worked hard to find his place in the fashion industry and now travels the world, having been to all the places i went to, even the north beach in zanzibar where the remote and infamous beach bar lay. 

time and space have been kind to us, both immersed in the same books, films, politics, health regimes and family. he replaced me and i'm living the life i always wanted.

when it's time to say goodbye we hug and it's some hug, it's the best hug ever and there are a few tears. i drive home, passed empire bay, i smile all the way knowing i did bring something beautiful into the world. there's not much i am proud off but i'm proud of my son, he's intelligent, worldly, independent, kind and gentle yet strong and powerful, he's sensitive and empathetic, he's true to who he is. what more can a dad ask for?

yeah we make some plans for the next year, groovy plans, look out world.

so we meet in a cafe where the music is soft low frequency jazz, dwindling sonatas, moonlight outside, candlelit interior. i'm in a movie, the one where the guy smokes all the way through, jazz cigarettes. he wears shades and a looks like a west coast cultist, on the run from the masters of the galactic corporations, on the run from the heat, on the run from the past as it blazes a trail at his heels. comes a moment in that movie where you have to turn and face the strange right. else you just keep running. 
this past looks good, wow, impressive and sleek, like a thermo nuclear porn star exuding confidence and control, every structure bends her way, gravitational forces are at work. i perceive it with my seventh eye. 

i order some coffee for us, the coffee here is very good and there's something interesting about a city that allows people to smoke indoors a small slice of liberty in the cake of oppression that is forced down our throats until we choke.

zendra gives me the look. the wry one, the one that says everything i need to know. 

let's have sex, lets travel. she's ready to hitch wagons, i'm ready to ride. how about we finish our coffee first, i'm not quite the man you knew. 

really she says, i never really knew you.

no i was a different person, i'm still different, an anomaly apparently.

she smiles and takes the joint from me and puffs on it, she says she likes holding the joint, likes the way it smells, but doesn't really smoke at all anymore.

i take it back from her delicate fingers, and replace it with a sugar sachet. 

i always recall you had a sweet tooth and loved your lollies.

yes, and i still have my teeth, all good, shining like stars she flashes me her immaculate teeth, they do look amazingly white and dazzling. 

coffee arrives and we drink it down fast.

what now?

pack a bag, meet here in an hour?

i need more than an hour, let's make it noon.

that leaves me 4 hours. 

come on, don't you have loose ends to tie up.

no, they are tied up, put in a sack, driven to the docks and thrown into the bay.

she stands up. i hope you put weights on that sack.

don't need weights the loose end was heavy enough. 

noon. i will be here, she leaves.

we are deep in the simulation

on the verge of something new

despite all this fascination with 

the disappointing truth

an underground super collider

an overground god machine

technology has us by the balls and 

it is not going to set us free

i recommended 'when we cease to understand the world ' to a friend who absolutely hated it, he said his hero's, the scientists mentioned in the book were degraded and exploited by the author. he said it was repulsive. he certainly didn't mince words.

i took a moment and reminded him it was fiction but he continued as though the writer had transgressed some kind of code about deconstruction and post modernism. 

it's fiction, i said again but to no avail. i endured a barrage of opinion and apologised for recommending it, then he said, 'keep recommending books to me though.'

mmm, well i may just suggest 'william burroughs' next. 

feel 

the 

magick

it's very rare for a book to seduce me from the first page but benjamin labatut's 'when we cease to understand the world' not only had me transfixed from page one, it maintained the magnetism throughout. the book is only comparable to howard bloom's 'lucifer code' but this is published as fiction. indeed there are snippets of fiction, indistinguishable from the fact and the facts range from the red stains under goring's fingers and toes as a consequence of his addiction to dihydrocodeine of which he took one hundred pills a day to the rivalry between schrodinger and heisenberg. we sweep from this opening vista through the most important scientific discoveries of the 20th century in the quantum realm, the personalities that made them and the effects of their physiology. this is no ordinary book, it's extraordinarily vivid, packed with incredible information about pure mathematics theory without been mathematical. it really is a deep dive into the mental framework of the people whose minds worked outside the parameters of everyday life and the devastation their ideas when come to fruition and fully realised have made upon civilisation. 

currently we are in an age of science, where religion has been replaced with the scientific creeds and as people fall under it's spell, just as they did with religion, the true horror of science is revealed in this book and the stunning conclusion that exposes the real branch of science that betrays humanity.      

'when we cease to understand the world' by benjamin labatut, is a brilliant journy through history and science, each paragraph so information rich and beautifully written you can't help but read it again, and again. this is an extraordinary book and for once deservedly shortlisted for the booker. 
i don't want to go into details because that may spoil your experience but personally it is rare to find a book that swims against the grain of thought contemporary society has engineered to stop being heard. we live in a vast orwellian age,  information is controlled, reality is changed by language and the perspective, the thought police are dressed up as moral conformists and if you transgress any of their codes, you are labelled sexist or racist. your past is trawled for aberrations and thus the the age of technocracy is upon us. algorithm determine everything,  from the weather down to personal health, choice is removed or overtly disguised but in reality is no choice. jab or job, is that a choice? 

so as science is forced upon us it's refreshing to read why science betrays what it means to be fundamentally human and humane. 

a brilliant book and i am only on page 20.

sometimes you come across a book that is so absorbing 'nothing' can pull you away from it, or so i thought as i sat in a cafe at terrible beach, my head buried into the pages of the history of prussian blue, the colour. 

i mean it probably sounds very boring to the average reader but far from it. the book itself starts with reportage of the amphetamine's used by the german high ranking officials in the nazi party,  through to the suicide of hundreds of officers and citizens,  with cyanide based drugs which leave a tinge of blue traces on the skin, into the ancient production of paints using insects as a base, right into the advent of prussian blue in painting. it's fascinating and every paragraph held so much information i could feel my mind devouring the journey through history and science , especially when it came to the story of conrad dippel whom swedenborg describes as, 'the wickedest of demons,' and indeed dippel sounds like one of the forgotten interesting personalities in a history you feel quite grateful didn't exist at the same time you do.

then i get an unexpected message from a friend i have not seen in ages, and an invite to pop in and say hello and suddenly putting down my book becomes the easiest thing in the world. 

as far as recording studio's go 'damien gerard sound studio' is the perfect place to record if you enjoy an unassuming comfortable environment and space where you could literally pack an orchestra into the recording room. 

the whole place has excellent energy, part industrial and part embedded in nature despite me feeling like i was in newark nj on the drive through the towns sprawl.  

i met steve outside, it's wet and cold, perfect conditions to record under seeing as though the beaches would be closed as wild weather interrupts what has been a typical sydney spring. 

the insides are huge, in fact compared to most control rooms i have been in, this is a perfect space with a great view into the large studio space below. i meet ash whom is a recent church member and the producer (andrew?) who seems to be multitasking a number of roles in front of a mixing desk.

i'm also introduced to the glorious rachel whom instantly makes me feel comfortable and relaxed. 

as i am being introduced a song is on playback, and my selective hearing overrides the other sensory sources because what i am in fact hearing is... the church. 

you will be pleased to know the sound is classic church, obviously that's going to be an ambiguous statement but the music and lyrics encapsulate everything i love about the band. the quality of the sound is excellent as i distinguish between the various guitars and tim's unique drumming and percussion, that little roll i hear is perfect. a very underrated drummer in my humble opinion, plus there's piano which i find always adds a layer of interest to the band. i think it's why i love 'after everything' so much, piano on some church songs really give songs an extra dimension for the listener. the guitars move along, in classic church mode, bleeding into one another, layering, creating ambient sounds, drones and textures,  forming new tones and there's steve's base which exudes a style of his own and therefore a unique sound. not being technical i have no idea how he gets that particular tone but it's got that pumping rhythm and groove that makes the music move forwards and defy gravity. throbbing, is a word that springs to mind, like the subtle pulse of a spaceships drive. lyrically, obtuse as ever, and just when you think you may understand what steve is singing about it becomes something else. 

ash, is recording a guitar part, and adding something to the outro, steve offers a few parameters and ash delivers, he nails the parts completely and they sound quite brilliant as we listen back. 

i don't know quite how musicians do this but this is what makes a band a band. it's not like a painter who is singularity adding to a canvass. in a band there's a blend of influences and inspirations and steve has picked the best complementary musicians for this new incarnation of the church. don't be alarmed readers, the magick is not just still there, it's now radiating out on a wave of cosmic energy. 

two years of lockdown hell, two years of disruption and chaos, two years of global weirdness, pandemics, politics, police brutality, health discrimination and tensions, control and restriction. and now we have a new church record. its sudden liberation baby. the light at the end of the tunnel as far as i can see. a new church record is like the rite of spring. time for rebirth, rejoice and celebration. if you are anything like me, i've been hanging out for this. 

creativity, beauty and expression is the antidote for modern times. the church encapsulate the very essence of intelligence in music. this is not rock and roll, but it's not genocide, it's expansion.  

this album was written two years ago and is concluding now. 

steve told me he writes the words in the studio, well after the music is complete. imagine that, i always thought it was the other way around! 

we chat about the evolution of the church band and he simply suggests the church are just an idea he had a long time ago, then he shared the idea with others who believed in it and they came and went, but the idea is still alive in the present members and steve, the original member who carries the flame. i'm reminded of those candles where the middle one lights the ones around it. at the centre of it all is a great creative force, seriously, you think steve kilbey is prolific, wait till you see what he has in the pipeline. lots to look forwards to and music is just a fraction of his output. 

i hear the amazing song ash has just added the final guitar parts to, it's beautiful, one of those church songs you do not want to end.

then as steve plays me the opening song to the new album, and i listen to it in silence, it's epic, we all agree, very hawkwind inspired but with that edge that steve sometimes sings with, a commanding voice and beckett like lyrics, 'ascension' ascends ever onwards and upwards in the spirit of space rock. 

then the closing tune, 'second bridge' and this one is a total surprise, the opening bars are completely unexpected and immediately captivating, all expectation shattered. this is different and new, exciting and very rich.

what am i listening to here?

it's all to big, overwhelming, like the sonic version of  the big bang and i'm thinking what words describe this to the reader, it's thoroughly original. Very ambitious.  i can hear some frames of references but i don't know if they are real or just my mind looking for an anchor to use as a reference point. it's got a bit of the beatles, mostly george harrison, but it's bigger, denser with a slow build up to a crescendo of sounds. i wonder what holds all this together, and it's again that combination of individuals whose sum is greater than their parts. that's the ingredient that makes certain bands so amazing.  

one thing about the church music is steve never insults his audience with banal, formulaic songwriting, the music is interesting enough to challenge good musicians and alert listeners. the band assume their listener has some intelligence and enjoys being challenged via songs, not just played on the radio once and forgotten because each play is it's own reward and there's always something new to discover. 

so, what else can i share. i'm very excited to hear the completed work, i know all church fans will fall in love with it. there is no doubt in my mind this will gain a lot of respect.  it's certainly rich enough to maintain mystique and there's a linear feel to the production that's coherent and elegant, which is kinda what you want on a record. i think this may be the big one. i feel it's potential in the three tunes i heard.  the church have always been incredibly generous to their followers. long concerts packed with songs spilling over, amazing extra discs, steve kilbey always gives 100% and this new album is equally as generous. a lot of thought has been put into making it, and i would go out on a limb and say, this album, is going to be very special. i can feel it in my bones and based upon what i heard.

so a big thank you to rachel, ash (a very lovely soul) and producer extrodinare for letting me sit in. it really was lovely to meet you all. and finally steve, whom has always been an inspiration to me. 

onwards.

the science of today is computer modelling, not really a science at all. put a bunch of numbers into a program and get a result. science when applied to human life can only be verified by applying it to human life which is why trails for vaccines take a decade at least. i know enough about the thailidomide scandal not to think science in medicine has beneficial effects. the company that produced it marketed aggressively exploiting the safety and effectiveness on morning sickness yet it had never been tested on pregnant women. ten thousand children were born with radical deformities due to this safe medication. during the trail afterwards no guilty verdict was given. thus is the reach of the pharemcutical industries. pfizer a different company has a long history of legal issues, silent payouts for drugs they push and aggressively market to govts. around the world in long complex contracts that not only allow for no accountability but also allow for the drug company to seize assets from the countries if they fail to follow through. this is becuase one of the owners of pfizer is black rock, a financial investment company which basically funds warfare. it has a complex web of arms manufacturing, private security and pharmaceuticals companies that all work together and recently were given status 'to big to fail' just like the banks in the financial crisis.  yeah, stick that in a computer model.  

i read that there is an article today in the guardian that bastion of 'fair and balanced' reporting that most trendy australians think carry some credibility and most english people gave up on years ago when they realised it was an upmarket version of green left weekly but sadistically printed daily. it said social media posts had been put into an artificial intelligence simulated program and found conspiracy theory's about vaccines are connected to folklore and witchcraft. obviously denigrating folklore and witchcraft as being some thing only primitive tribal people incorporate into their culture.  whereas the sophisticated modern westerner should embrace science, authority and the rigorous handover of individual sovereignty to the state. all aligned with the principles of the guardian.
however what the guardian fails to comprehend is the most effective medicines are based on folklore and witchcraft is just a variation on physics. vaccine skeptics are as varied in their beliefs and not all think the same. unlike the guardian readership. we have very different reasons for being skeptic and these cannot be fed into a computer and understood because it confirms with your confirmation biases. ie. valium comes from valerian. in valium there is no valerian as it's synthesised. valerian grows free valium costs. 
why people seem skeptical is not even about conspiracy, it's about fact. sure people layer the fact with whatever conspiracy they want but the basic facts speak for themselves.
all science requires rigorous debate, all perspectives must be understood and agreed upon yet any debate about this vaccine was shut down and scientists and general practitioners were told they could be struck off for saying anything about these vaccines that was negative. my gp told me this after one hour discussion. even on the exemption form there is no exemptions. it just says if you had a bad reaction the first, if you have anaphylactic shock the second can be administered in hospital. there's no religious exception either, everyone must get vaxed. 
this vexes me. if you have immunity why do you need a vax?
the other facts that speak are why do these drug companies have indemnities? if the product is so cool why can't it be certain of its own safety. and as far as bill gates goes, he has been pushing vaccines on people for years, yet his background is computers. he has invested everything in vaccines along with illumanaries such as weapons and defence contractors black rock. 
dot's. join em, you get a picture. a picture may not represent truth but the guardian is just a picture as well, conspiring against conspiracies is still conspiracy. 
here's a simple question.
what exactly is inside the vaccine?
also why is sweden reached herd immunity without the totalitarian govt. influence. 
riddle me this people. and maybe i'll understand why i should trust the ridiculously  powerful who seem so enthusiastic removing the only control i really have, that over my own body. 

i read unfaithful music disappearing ink, by elvis costello, it's impressive and i enjoyed some of his stories, particularly contemporary ones. reading about his childhood was i guess obligatory in any autobiography but the scene he describes was slightly before my time in the north of england so it all appeared a little alien to a londoner like me, however elvis is a good writer and the book is one of the better autobiographies a rock star has written. 

i also started reading up above the city, down below the stars by barry adamson which is excellent, a really autobiography where he exposes his dark side and writes beautifully. 

what shines through both books is music, and how from a very young age both these individuals heard the music. barry also saw the film, he's a really good soundtrack man as well as a bad seed. 

walking, sitting reading, getting the body in order after near death always takes a process of re integration, it's like humpty dumpty, now way will he be the same kinda egg as he was before the fall. so, the big challenge for me is to remember to take the meds. the doctor said if i don't i will die, so the stakes are high. i usually take the evening ones at 5pm but a few times i forget and end up taking them at 12 midnight. that throws my morning meds out as i take them at 7am so therein lies the problem. 
as far as reassembly of the egg, i'm probably a little scrambled and need a few months to get my mojo working again. 

the greeks, a civilisation that gave us so much that we live in the shadow off, a mighty empire that like all offered light and darkness. 

the greek healers had a oath, they based it on their gods of healing, apollo, asciepius, hygiela, panacea...

over the years there have been variations, subtle changes but in the original it states, 'i will abstain from all intensional wrong doing and harm.'

in the 19th century it became 'practice two things in your dealings with desease, 'either help or do not harm the patient.'

yet the last amendment a few years ago to the oath took out one simple and vastly significant line.

'do no harm' removed.

some say it is to herald the euthanasia movement, and others say it's to counter the hypocrisy, you sometimes have to harm a patient in order to save them, but it is none the less food for thought such a removal comes about just before these covid vaccines. no conspiracy here, just coincidence or is it the other way around? 

by the way, 'do no harm' is an ancient code known amongst witches, decent ones at least who practised the healing arts. 

 i've always thought steven king writes great short stories, but very few of his novels work for me. okay 'christine' is excellent, and i loved 'pet cemetery' as it explores grief so well. but if you have not read short stories like, 'apt pupil, the road virus heads north, survivor type,' then you are missing out. 

many attempt to imitate his work in their novels, and imitations usually fail for me. i need something that is distinctly unique and less formulaic than his novels. so when i picked up imaginary friend by stephen chbosky, the author of 'perks of being a wallflower' i was hoping to find something original but instead found a b grade novel that could have been a bad king book. i mean it's well written and parts of it are very interesting but it's basically a christian horror novel and therefore falls into a predictable pattern. i liked the characters, the idea although it became to messy at the end, i liked the imagery but it became sentimental and weakened the whole concept. anyway, i would say unless you really like king novels don't read it.

while i was laid up for a couple of weeks i also read thursday murder club, by some english well connected comedy writer whose name i think is richard osman. ah here it is. anyway's he writes a murder novel about four old retirees in a upper class type retirement village. he's very good at being sensitive to the characters and gives them all a certain dignity but it's just a crap middle of the road novel i'd never really want to read but it was the only book available for a week. anyway, it's pointless as far as i'm concerned. 

.

everything is just chill. the last two months i basically had time out, wandering the beaches, basking in the sun,  reading a few books. it's been lovely, my old bones have new life, the rest of me may be falling apart but generally i feel pretty good. a new regime of health, before china nuke us. it's all good i detach from everything a little, including myself. it is remarkable how often i have escaped death, this time was as unexpected as snow at xmas at bondi. really weird but it makes sense on so many levels. 

anyway, people have been so lovely, really great. i'm lucky, i don't have many friends but everyone of them was there for me, and everyone of them did their bit. i'm grateful to them. really grateful.

i was watching dr. malone give an interview for epoch, i've been following his stuff closely as he is the inventor of the dna vaccine and has always addressed the current situation with caution and a growing bewilderment. he's no anti vaxer, he's no facebook warrior, nope, he's a scientist who knows what he is talking about. and like most scientist that know what they are talking about he has been silenced. fortunately there are platforms which do not ban people and do not censor. malone is consistent, he's accurate and presents the data in a clear and easy way. 

the biggest issue is the vaccinated have invested so heavily in their ideology they cannot even bare to listen to any other point of veiw, they cannot understand the full picture and refuse to occupy thoughts with anything counter because it overwhelms them.  it reminds me very much of 1939 germany when jews were told to tae a shower to delouse. the cynical pessimistic ones fled, the optimistic stayed. 

here we are in the age of technocracy, mass brainwashing through media replaces a reasonable president with a demented lunatic. where are all those democrats now? the facebook androids who constantly hounded trump, who called for impeachment every day and every change they could. the media whom focused on him, his wife and family, ignored his successful economic direction, his peace plans, his record employment achievements, where are their voices? 

it's all virtue signalling. hypocrisy and ignorance. the same goes for the vaccination movement, the facts no longer count, only the ideology. 'look at me' people post, 'i got vaxed.' what they really are doing is showing everyone how they trusted a massive corrupt pharmaceutical company, corrupt governments loyal to the united nations, corrupt technocrats and willingly took the shower, only this time it's a spike protein that will destroy their natural immune system and or kill them when it get's stuck in the brain. it's not even a vaccine by therapeutic standards, it's an experiment and you are the guinea pigs. everyday i check the usa, the uk's and the au's stats buried beneath the complex website, it's very hard to navigate, very hard to know what words these vaccines now use to identify themselves, and very under acknowledged.  but the facts are more people die from the vaccines than covid. so how come that is not reported. also how is it not reported that when diagnosed positive the public are not given any treatment plan, all they have to do is take a combination of ivermectin or hydro, vitamin c and d, zink and possibly some nac. if it's early days you can zap the virus with a dose of iodine.  plenty of medical scientists all try to warn you, but they all are silenced and cancelled.  

trust the science people say, yeah well science also led to the bomb, as john stewart said, the last words of this civilisation will be proclaimed by a scientist, 'oh look it works.'

 i often notice how the media seems to rejoice when an unvaxed person dies of corona virus, it's like a little celebration of death and a warning that everyone must get vaxed. yet the individuals whom die of being vaccinated or die of corona virus after being vaccinated are not reported and or under reportaed, in fact the uk, usa and au govt. websites hide the numbers in plain sight and you have to dig deep to find them. a lot of countries have a reporting system but their governments do not promote them and the numbers under represent the facts.

you have no choice but to look into alternative media sites to find answers, you have to know that the person has no agenda and that he / she has the right qualifications to at least know what they are talking about. most of the people i listen to are scientists's doctors, virologists and sprucing an opinion. they have clear factual evidence. sometimes i do listen to opinion, but from both sides, this way i can sort out whom i listen to, the promoter of vaccines or the science that takes a wholistic approach. 

day by day i challenge my traumas, perhaps the biggest was my brussel sprout trauma which spawned from skool where for skool dinners they fed us boiled brussel sprouts which is possibly why i don't like anything from brussels, and view it with a sort of suspicion most people perceive north korea. 

over the last week i have experimented with how to eat brussel sprouts, obviously without boiling. 

i have tried many variations and now i am proud to say have discovered the perfect way to make a sprout taste amazingly good. if you want the answer let me know. i can't just reveal this else it will send the price sky high and seeing as though it's all i eat these days i can't allow that to happen. however i could eat them for breakfast, lunch and diner now!

still skeptical about brussels. 

the world is closing in, the time is running out
east becomes the west and north feels just like south
the space gets more confined, 
the words no longer rhyme
and it looks like we have to face the facts, 
we ran right out of time.
the girls are not so beautiful, 
they talk of strange desires
and they burn in their own inferno, 
consumed by invisible fires
all that was will be
and all that will be was

what i leave behind 

is for you to find

up at dawn, take the long walk along terrible beach, the new walkway is spectacular as the sun pierces the dawn. everyone out without the mask, without bothering about the social distancing, it's good to see. as if a flimsy mask can actually stop a virus. 'follow the science' the dumbed down zombies say, and if you do you actually discover the truth. i have to laugh at humanity, lemmings or sheep. 

i get as far north as possible and turn around, a few swimmers are out and a handful of surfers out on the point, dangerously close to the rocks.

i grab my new coffee, a macadamia latte. sip slowly watching the surf, the electric blue sky and the sun kissing my skin. it's a good life.

i've been watching the new adaptation of phillip k dicks, 'the man in the high castle' and it's excellent although the pace is slow, execution to detail is accurate and the plot intriguing, even though it deviates from the novel somewhat i wonder where it will take me. 

imagine if the nazi and japanese armies had won the war, imagine an america divided west and east, the west japanese the east german. a small slither of mid state as a free zone. imagine the japanese uneasy alliance with the nazi's as a small resistance smuggles cinema films interstate that depict an alternative reality where the allies won the war. that's just the background in which the story takes place. 

alternative history is interesting but not a genre i have really enjoyed, i read a book once about what may have happened had the american indians met the romans but generally i stay away from these types of books. pkd managed to cover many themes in his work, and alternative history of 'the man in the high castle' is recognised as one of his greatest works. 

i drive the hybrid back home, i like driving it when the roads are empty and the sun is out, it's very relaxing. at home i potter around and complete my chores, it's a good feeling. i take a few calls and then find myself exhausted so i sleep upon the chaise lounge and let the afternoon pass me by. 

every one knows only one person made it through afghanistan, alexander the great but even that was considered his greatest challenge, as just like russian, america and nato he left battered and with not much to show for it. the harsh terrain and guerrilla warfare laid claim of all of alexander's successes. despite winning most battles the torturous enviroment from ice capped mountains to dry desserts took their toll and when he left after two years the country descended into factions. he did leave a mark, cities are still standing kandahar the most infamous, he found his bride there as well. but afghanstan also left it's mark upon alexander, and it was shortly after this campaign his mental state declined into fear and paranoia, he began drinking heavily and began to demonstrate cruelty.

a famous rudyard kipling poem written during the british invasion...

and when you are wounded and left upon afghans plains

women come out to cut up your remains

just troll to your rifle and blow out your brains

and go to your god like a solider.

and now in contemporary america withdraws in the most brutal clumsy arrogant way, due to one man. an illegitimate president whom was supported by wall street, hollywood, china and the media, not to mention the countless idiots who supported him. a man whose history of foreign affairs has been failure and catastrophic decision making. always backing the wrong horse. these people are responsible. they were so politically inept and focused on stopping trump their prejudice and embedded confirmation bais was unable to see clearly. now i hope when they see their tv screens and watch mothers throwing their babies at soldiers to rescue from the taliban they realise (although they are two brain dead to ) that those soldiers they are entrusting their babies lives with are the children of the deplorables.  

what a shameful situation, the us government is a disgrace and biden must be impeached. and the people that voted for him need to get a grip on how stupid they have been. the sad thing is the vice president is even worse.  

 here's a strange tale
just over a week ago i seriously began to have trouble breathing, i'd developed a cough and my chest hurt. worse than all of this was the way i'd be exhausted after putting on my socks, walking to the mailbox or just getting up. i thought the coughing was due to having to wear a mask, but when i started coughing at home i knew something was afoot. 
so i'm at work and start to feel very strange, in fact i do something i have never done which is leave early. i planned to drive to the covid testing clinic as obviously that's what i figured i must have. it was only a matter of time and to be honest i actually wanted to catch it and have natural immunity. however by the time i arrive at the clinic it's shut, not to reopen until midday the following day. 

at home i have a shower slip into my pjs and put on some agatha christie drama. i'm establishing a theory that the second wife did it or was it the son in law?  but when my phone rings my detection skills go on hold.

its a friend, 'how are you?' she asks.

i tell her.

'get to hospital,' she says.

'no, i don't like hospitals,' i say.

my friend knows me well. she knows i won't go so she calls an uber and gives me 10 minitues to pack a bag. i'm somewhat cursing her under my breath despite her good intentions, besides my pattern recognition was about to come together and reveal the killer.

i grab a pair of pants, a fresh shirt and a toothbrush. and a dune messiah which i am reading. 

sure enough the uber is waiting.

at hospital i do all the entry questions and they place me in isolation. i know i must have the covid and when the doctor appears tell him i need a test. he gets together with a few other doctors and they look me over, start sticking me in telemetry and monitoring equipment.

you've had a heart attack, they say.

i'm moved into a new area, scanned and x rayed and various drips attached to me, and a nurse says, you need magnesium and potassium.

i get a bag of magnesium and about 20 bags of potassium, plus i have to drink several potassium tinctures. 

later they wheel me into a private room in intensive care, and leave me in isolation until they get the covid results. 

about several hours later, a nurse comes in and says she can move me, the results are negative. so i end up in a nice little room in the cardio ward. again it's sealed and has a huge shower, toilet area, it has a nice window with a fantastic view from which i can watch the sunrise, it has several monitors and quite a comfy bed. my heart rate is twice what it should be, they have to bring it down and after several days they do. i have to take some meds, and i figure these are traditional meds and tried and tested. then some nurse comes in and tells me i have to have an angiogram. there's a 1 in 1000 chance i could die from it. i have to sign some paperwork. 

the doctors and nurses are amazing, they come in introduce themselves and treat me with the upmost respect and compassion, it's incredible. this is a public hospital. i have always thought australia as one of the best health systems in the world but this proves it. even a waiter comes to take my meal orders, and there's a vast choice of different things to choose from. 

i resign myself i'm hear fro the long haul and settle into a routine. it's actually peaceful and at least i can read. there's a tv if i want but i keep it switched off. 

eventually i come to accept the peacefulness of it all and when my phone rings it becomes irritating, and although i am speaking to people who are obviously concerned about me, i really just want to be left alone. my friend who forced me into hospital thus saving my life sends me two massive bags of luxuries. however i can't eat the stuff she has sent as it's sugary, salty, liquid or irritates my throat. i do use the notebook she sent and smile at the photo she sent although the frame is broken. 

there's a few books too. some clothes that don't fit me and a toiletry bag stuffed with lipstick and eye liner. cute.

the days and nights fade into a sort of strange blur fractured by bloodtests, heart monitors and meals. most of the time i just sit by the bed reading or on the sofa watching the sun rise meditating. 

i weigh 125ks, by the time i am released i weigh 118ks, so i have to maintain weight loss and get down to about 75ks. i have to watch the liquids intake, only one litre a day. i drink one litre of coffee a day so this is going to be very hard.

eventually i am discharged. 

at home i water plants, feed fish and try to clean up the place but give in. a friend takes me shopping, she organises a set of scales with a heart monitor attached. i wander through the fruit shop, i buy a few groceries and remain perplexed at how empty this big shopping mall is, and why all the shops are shut. these covid years are bizarre years, totalitarian and dystopian are the words that spring to mind. that day in melbourne the police use tear gas and rubber bullets on people protesting about lockdowns.

the very same day i catch the pm say, 'we must always fight for freedom'

this is pretty much the information i have been reading about for over a year, actually ever since i stopped believing in the mainstream media and the lies it pushes on certain subjects. there are a number of subjects the media always lies about but this particular one has been dreadful.  it don't take a rocket scientist to join the dots, there are so many to join all pointing in one direction.

what i learnt was the vaccines only cause the virus to mutate. it has to because it's biological imperative is to infect and kill. it was designed to to do this. our bodies have a very good immunity system network that fights infections. however once you put a vaccine in it it compromises our natural immunity and targets the virus which then mutates and slips through the vaccine in it's new form and because our natural immune system is compromised we can't fight it.

no vaccine is administered in the middle of a pandemic.  it's given after when the virus is a singular not variant.

basic elementary research into evolutionary science indicates this yet the people that attack me say i don't follow science, it's true to a point. i certainly don't follow politicalised science which is basically what all the science is nowadays. 

why the mainstream media pushes this narrative boils down to one man, george soros, a fucking evil bastard if ever there was one, just like fuaci, gates, schwab and the other fucking technocrats who basically have all the power and control. all it requires is to begin joining the dots. the left wing woke ideology is a threat to the way of life we have, debate all you wish about the illusion of freedom but given a choice i rather live in the illusion of freedom than the grim truth of a technocracy.  

its weird  how people who follow science follow it religiously and with the same zealot attitude applied to religion. i've always figured the two entwined, science a religion for sceptics. if you know anything about science it evolved from alchemy which is a spiritual pursuit. what most people follow now is a church of science.

contemporary science is a political tool, just like religion, far removed from any kind of truth. which is why this vax thing is a scam, and the more it's pushed the more obvious it becomes. i do feel all people need to do is listen to the information they are not allowed to listen to, put away their confirmation bias because mostly what they end up doing is politicising the argument unconsciously. me i have an open mind, happy to discuss other perspectives yet when i do, people play me and say i live in a 'science fiction world' rather than a science one. i've noticed these types love to play the person not the points raised, attack the man not the argument is a typical communist tactic. anyway the science fiction world is now reality as we move further into the trans human age, george soros, bill gates and kluas schwabb sit above elected governments (democracy is dead until free elections are revived) injecting graphene into the body and changing the genetic code of the human is possibly in my own personal philosophy the most immoral thing a human can do. 

a jewish hippie guy says there is only one unforgivable sin, it's not lust, gluttony, envy etc, its to blaspheme the holy spirit, the body is a temple. it says the same thing in the old books but jesus seems to carry more weight than moses. anyway the first step in transhumanism is to change the body. let me say here and now, i'm all for it however there are ways to do this that work well and evolve the human species in line with the natural order. read up on noah and tubal cain as allegory. 

speculating in my 'science fiction' way, the singularity is upon us. these people that have far to much money and power need one more thing. life extension. they wanna life forever. and this is their pathway. i don't have a problem with eternity, i've been around almost as long but there are other methods to do it, spiritual ones. but these guys have no connection to spirit, they surrendered their humanity a long time ago. they wanna build back better, they don't want you to own anything yet are vastly materialistic themselves and they need to depopulate the world. it's been on the front page of the united nations website for 30 years when i was going on about agenda 21 and everyone was thinking i was nuts. now any switched on cat is aware of agenda 31 (as they call it now)

when i lived in avalon we all knew about it. we discussed it and understood the implications, especially when it came to the codex alimentarius and the plan to ban any supplementary medicines.  that was a long time ago and they are still tying, spanning out from the united nations into world health, into various ngos and soros funded  agencies and in league with the chinese communist party. big tech loves the ccp, they are the same thing, where do you think all that surveillance software comes from.

science fiction, nope, this is science reality, the world we live in. 

anyway if you got the vax i don't blame you, i was very fearful but i guess skeptical enough to investigate. i just looked at the media and realized they all seemed to be pushing the same story without asking the obvious questions. what's in the vaccine and why should people whom have already recovered from covid be forced to take it? why are you not talking about the side effects or promoting the yellow card system (in uk) and what happened to all the people that died of flu? and the bleeding obvious one every single journalist needs to ask right now, gibraltar?

to me these were obvious questions and i sought out the answers, however what i experienced was if you seek answers you are vilified, not just by authority but the vaccinated. they literally dance on the grave of skeptics when they die from covid. these compassionate hypocrites actually get joy when someone dies. i don't want anyone to die, i actually wish i were wrong, it's not a fucking game yet the global establishment and media made it one. even the stats didn't make sense and then you discover that the scientists, virologists, doctors and molecular biologists who have a different opinion are now cancelled and have gone underground. i listened to a vast amount of people talking freely about this including dr. robert malone the man whom invented mrna vaccines. he has had to go underground because the american govt have threatened him. the ex chairperson of pfizer has warned people not to get the vax unless they are compromised and anyone who advocates the alternative successful treatments are either struck of by whatever authority overseas their profession. you can't see that doctor crying his eyes out in a senate hearing begging to be allowed to continue prescribing invermetin, saying he had saved hundreds of his patients lives with it. you tube banned it.

so i have no more energy to wank on about it, i made my own decision. i want to get the virus, i don't mind. that way i will build up my own antibodies and don't need the jab. if i die then i die and it's on me. you can all dance upon my grave but i am not going to cave into media pressure from celebs, politicians and peers who try guilt games as if they are unaware that even the vaccinated can infect. in fact what they have yet to learn is the vaccinated actually cause the variants. this is what dr. malone and hundreds of virologists have said ( you never vaccinate in an epidemic only after it) and explained it in evolutionary terms. if the virus comes up against a defence it will adapt, it's what all viruses do.that spike protein is a biological weapon. take gibraltar which is almost fully vaccinated. yet it's now reporting a 2500% increase in infected cases. 

anyways work it out for yourselves here i'm not out to convince anyone just state my own perception. and if another person says, 'come down to earth' to me i will fucking cancel them myself. what a fucking insult to say to a social worker. 

here's some science that is not political but remember, you can't un-see this

it's like a scene from a bad movie, some people are at the door awaiting payment. i search through my bag pulling out items, pens, books, a spare mask, a scarf, a scrap of paper, another pen and wait... whats this, some lacy thing which as i open turns out to be a pair of womens black panties.  i stuff it back in and grasp my wallet. this is a new bag, a few weeks old.
later i ponder these undies, whose are they and how did they get in my bag, did anyone notice, and do i care. i have no idea where they came from. 

my life's like that.

wandering along the shoreline, following the starfish trail, the waves are tranquility blue, layered in a network of codes and lattice like information, i read the energy and inhale the negative ions. it's almost green today, crisp air, sharp and blade like while the rising sun begins to make a slight difference, dial turning up, skin adjusting. it's all so beautiful. 
not many out this early, mostly people stick to the path whereas today i've gone off track, onto the sand. when my cousin came out here he declared it was the most beautiful and fave place he had ever seen.  he loved it, whereas i love it and let it love me. 
the birds are healthy, clean and filled with an energy that keeps them young. they swoop down to investigate and a couple of pelicans circle above my head. 
the water is free from people, no surfers, swimmers, boats, it's moving form is nebulous liquid and when i get to the golden path i stop. 

my salutation to neptune. it's been a long time since we communed.

okay, it's been a while since i wrote anything political or controversial but here are my thoughts, her's what i think and no doubt it's going to cost me but it's time to listen.

firstly i understand how you felt about trump, you read the sydney morning herald, you watch and listen to the abc, you believe these guys are the gospel, why would we think differently. i have an advantage, i followed all that socialist bullshit as a kid, and religiously read the guardian. i believed in them and then they sold out sarah tisdall a young public servant who like me thought these people were onside. the guardian fucking sold her out and she went to jail because she had a conscious. these left winger i learnt have no principle, they fight a side no matter what it is who it is or what they say. this is why they cancel people. the argument makes no sense, their arguments are riddled with hypocrisy and double standards and the media lie about almost everything that does not push their globalist agenda. 

now as an adult i find myself alienated in my lack of respect for the left, i see through the academic intellectual ideology, i see through the university brainwashed thinking, the weapons they use are absurd. they call racists, sexists out at every chance while ignoring their own. 

not that i have much respect for the other side, i loathe them to but i'm capable of following an argument on policy without attaching it to a side. a good idea is a good idea. 

when trump came along i was happy as he was not a politician, he was no great orator but he did make a commitment to, 'drain the swamp,' and the swamp is vast and wide and deep. it's the deep fucking state.

from the word go the establishment attacked him, called him a russian agent and ignored all the incredible things he did economically. all i expect from any govt. is to get a good economy in their country. they tried to nail him every chance they got, they humiliated him, banned him, lied through their teeth about him and denigrated any achievement he made. when asked why they were out to get him he replied, 'they are not really out to get me, they are out to get you, i am just in their way.'

the most powerful statement ever made by any president.

cancelled!

so we got biden in a stolen election, (chinese hackers working with some naughty democrats like pelosci) sure joe was promoted by all the establishment, hollywood, wall street (who just lost a trillion dollars of american workers pension funds to the chinese), the left and the usual suspects but he's suffering demetia and will be removed soon. it's elder abuse to keep him propped up while he forgets who and where he is. his son and him got a free pass from the media when they knew hunter was having sex with underage kids, on the payroll of the chinese govt. and being used to gain access to his dad. 

while western govts, america and australia funded wuhan scientists in gain of function research the chinese knew only one man on the global stage stood in the way of their ambition, hong kong, tiawan and the south pacific. it was trump. 

the war had already started 10 years earlier, via the economy. china had been buying up strategic points all over the globe. it had become the manufacturing agent of the world thanks to weak western leadership and dumb decisions made by left and right globalists. the un had already done the work, modelled itself of chinese communism under the alluring concept of the great reset, a mish mash of technology, environmentalism, socialism and control, i call technocracy.

this is where the individual is ruled by the expert, only the expert is on the payroll of the dictator. thus china moved into the second stage of its war and released flights directly into the wold infected with covid while restricting internal flights. the biological warfare caught us by surprise, even now no body has looked into the genesis of the event. the who is corrupt and on the chinese payroll so their investigation was compromised. and now a year and a half later we see troops on the streets of sydney keeping people in check should they take of their mask. 

the truth is this c-19 is a deadly virus that kills less than 0.01% of the infected, usually those with compromised immune systems and vaccines should be used for those people. but know this, vaccines create mutations and variants, it's simple evolutionary biology, and ironically all the automatons that blurt out how much they follow science are not following science at all. they are following the technocracy. the science has been cancelled. the vaccines have a life of 6 months, if people had researched the pharmaceutical companies they would have seen the investor page where investors were told they would have annual returns on the software of the vaccine as it had to be administered and updated. 

think. if they really wanted to keep you safe they would have said use hydroxychloroquine which is tested has a very high success rate against c-19 and is safe. same with invermectin which pulled india out of an appalling death rate quickly. these facts have been cancelled.

why was the govt health experts not telling people to increase their intake of vitamin c and d and zink and eat vegetables and avoid processed foods. the masks inhibit oxygen which we need, the social distancing creating anxiety and depression which compromise the immune system. why are the streets of south west sydney filled with soilders enforcing these stupid rules while the beaches of east sydney are packed. why is the biden administration forcing vaccines on people including children while letting 2 million people through the mexican border who are untested. 

if you have a critical eye, nothing about this makes sense, there are so many inconsistencies, olympic games, sports is allowed but numbers at a funeral have to be limited?  

you have to have swallowed the cool aid if you trust the technocracy have your interests at heart, or if you think they are benevolent. they are the same bastards that have been in control for the last 30 years, getting more and more control from the individual. so much control they now tell you when you are sick. 

these experimental vaccines have not been tested, they are not fda approved and the cdc is now admitting they do not work. investigate the spike protein in your body. it's the most dangerous weapon in this war. 

it took me almost 50 years to get around to reading dune, which many say is the best sc fi novel ever written.  i can understand why it holds that title. now all i want to do is read the sequence and see what herbert does with his story and where he takes us.

i can't say it is the best sci fi novel i have read but it certainly is amongst the top, it's scale is massive and the story once you crack it moves fast and has considerable nuance.