there's no doubt i have upset a friend of mine, i feel awful about it, i don't know, christ, i am really sorry i never ever meant for that to happen, i don't really know how i did it, well i probably wrote something i should not have, that does happen occasionally, i get carried away and just write whatever drivel comes out, never really thinking to much about what it is i am writing, i don't like the thinking bit, i'm not that accomplished at it after my head injury, never was before either. i'm more a feel person. people often criticise me as i have no real logic, can't grasp lot's of things that people take for granted. when i was a kid i was picked upon because teachers could not understand why i didn't learn their subjects, in those days dyslexia was not really known about, i'm not sure if teachers hated me because they saw the potential and became frustrated or they just hated me, skool was brutal in those days.
after the brain injury my faculty for memory changed, i instantly forget things or i can't really grasp at things in a linear sequence. these are not excuses, i have no excuse but i know my brain is hardwired in a different way than others.  


how do you repair a friendship like that, i don't know, i don't have the skills, i'm barely skilled at making friends let alone keeping them but it's never my intention to distress my friends, i love them, they are very few and all quite brilliant individuals but they know me and what i am like, totally hopeless at the social skills needed to be a proper frend. i'm like an invisible imaginary friend, you have to do most of the work and just accept me with all my flaws and strange ways, i'm so sorry for that and hope my good points outweigh the bad. i don't know what my good points are really, i guess i'm loyal and if push comes to shove i've got your back covered, well i can't sell myself to ya...
i'm just me, captain mission, and i love you so don't feel bad about things old chap, try and forgive me, for i am an idiot savant with - out the savant part.
i'm glad all is well with you, i'm really happy that you seem to have found some happiness in life, it's really all i ever wanted for you, honestly, i loved the stuff you do and it enriched my life so much it killed me to know you were suffering. it really did, but that's just under the bridge now, that kind of bridge makes me think about building invisible bridges, the ones that connect people from distance, like i felt connected when i first heard those words you write, i didn't feel alone or alienated. i felt like there was some one else in the world who seemed to feel similar. i don't know, i got close like icarus did to his sun, i didn't set out for the sun, i think i would fly to venus given a choice, my wings just caught fire and i crashed but i can still float around sometimes, i just play those songs and gravity can't hold me. what's that all about. i know we are different, i know there's stuff about me that repulses the warlock hat and the banana skin boots, ha, i don't know man, i'm just surfing the waves as they come along, i gotta natural curiosity about all things except violence and drinking, the dumb drugs. i think i'm mostly harmless but i understand the mechanics of repulsion, attraction, repulsion, attraction.
i understand, i'm an anomaly, but if i could i would build that bridge right back to you somehow.