missing my daughter i rang her on her mobile number.
'dad, it's the middle of the night, are you okay?'
'yeah, i miss you, just wanted to her your voice and know every things okay.'
'yeah dad, your silly, i love you dad, are you okay?'
'yeah i am, now. thanks sorry to disturb you.'
'hey give pan a hug for me.'
i laugh, 'okay sweetheart'
i put the phone down and returned to reading my book, el narco, about the mexican cocaine wars, but there's something that keeps distracting me, an unformed anxiety, a strange nagging idea that something is wrong. i put it down to my body requiring a coffee, so i grab a lead and wander out into the damp morning with pan. 
he's looking a little bored by all this rain, i think he may require a bone or something to play with, at least he can run around a little in the park. 
later i scan the papers, not much news in them, just the usual, i read some arts stuff, i'm thinking the government should really fund the arts some more, especially film and music, maybe give the church a grant to make a film, i float of into a daydream, but something is bugging me, something just not right. i drink my coffee and buy some home made lentil soup to take home for lunch, the rain starts again so i trudge through it, pan and i both disappointed that it's wet and miserable, our options are limited. i always carry a book with me, so i turn pages, while walking, while throwing pans ball. 
suddenly as i turn into my street i realise what it is, a strange awful sick feeling in my guts as i pack the book away and put pan on his leash jogging home. 
i don't have a daughter, who the hell was i speaking to, how did she know pan.
i throw down my stuff and grab my phone, the number i called appears on my screen, i'm conflicted about dialling, it will be the middle of the night in london but i call anyway, two three rings before a sleepy voice answers, 'dad, it's the middle of the night, what's wrong now?'
'who are you?'
'it's me dad, its the bloody middle of the night, three o clock, you woke me up.'
'what's your name?'
'it's ariel.'
'ariel, like the little mermaid?'
'dad, what are you doing, i have to get to sleep dad, i have to get up in three hours.'
'will you call me later'
'yeah dad, please don't worry, i have to go to sleep, we can talk later.'
i hang up, still confused, i should have waited until the morning, until we could have cleared it up, i didn't know what to say, but the sound of her voice did sound familiar, it was soft and gentle and the name ariel, if i did have a daughter that would probably be her name. i smiled, it felt good to have a daughter, even if i didn't, i returned to el narco and gradually i fell back into a deep sleep.