my mother and father left these shores, flew back to their european home. it's strange for me, i feel empty, sad and alone but at the same time any longer and i would have lost my temper and started screaming at my mother who is a loud, self righteous, dominating, rude and emotionally unbalanced person. she is extremely damaging for me and terribly difficult to spend time with. despite all that i love her madly.
everything i say or do is immediately compared to my brother, every comment i make is negated to the point i am not listened to at all. it's painful. she will do this in front of people and irrespective of how dumb it would sound. here's an example.

i was waiting in bondi with my father, my mother and martin and his girlfriend had been walking. when they arrived we all had a coffee and was joined by one of martins friend. she had been on a boring date and was debriefing with us. i wasn't listening to the conversation but i did hear her mentioned if we had seen any good movies. i said star trek, to which my mother butted in and said, 'don't be stupid, we are having a proper conversation about culture and you mention some childish science fiction film for children.'
she then ignores me and leaves me speechless. in my head i am thinking,

star trek, written in the 60's dealing with the political zeiglist in a science fiction frame work, the first tv show to have a black woman as a main character and officer, a multi cultural crew, exploring space, coming to terms with issues like racism, alienation, identity and sexuality. each episode a moral dilemma, and a dichotomy between emotion and logic. yeah no cultural significance at all.

my father a quiet gentle soul is easy to get on with and nowhere near as stressful as mum. i wish he could have stayed and mum gone back.