i'm drifting through work like a cobra, my energy is high as i pass through the fire of stupidity, all around me petty little egos and wars, people clambering up the ladder of corporation, squabbling with their peers over morsels and crumbs, chowing down on the carcasses of those that just get on with it. it's a game for the insecure and desperate.
i breath in toxic fumes, lungs burn, eyes water, i sit at the keyboard and do what needs to be done, this space ship is directed towards the sun. people don't know what i am doing, they moan and complain about my navigation skills, they look for the weak link and they attempt to destroy me with their claims and judgments but i have no weakness, i have no fear i have no need to prove or disprove, i am guided by things i cannot explain, driven to write, compulsion to describe in metaphor and language of the sphere and pentagram.
i meet with jake in a small coffee shop. he's motivated to go overseas, we make a loose plan, it's all coming together, all tangents converging. everything is on track no matter what events confound me, there is a plan, it's impossible to know, like the flea cannot know the dog or the world it exists within. i am blessed/cursed with a loophole, a software glitch, a peephole, a rift in my psychic filters, i am shown the patterns, i am shown the schematics and directed through dreams and conversations with these forces. i don't understand all of these things, i know i can create changes in my reality, i can effect what i wish for but my wishes are strangely simple, now i am older, wiser my desire is simple and driven by simplicity and elegance.
i've had everything and it didn't really feed me in a nourishing way, only writing reading and watching my son in the world gives me satisfaction. the rest is maya, all. my memes are exorcized and i am free from entrapment most of the time, but occasionally i slip and fail. this is all good, humility is the key to power.
i now have a few days off.

i finish the book 'perfect circle' a story about a giant sphere buried under the jungles of the congo, discovered by a mining company. the premise is good, hard sci fi but it slips into soap opera and the soap opera slips into some kinda political rant and then in a few short pages we are into the mystical environmental and indigenous and then a little action and sci fi and then some more mystical all wrapped up in a terrible cataclysm. although a great idea the book was extremely unrewarding.