ahh finally a lone day to myself, i'm exhausted from the various demands, the external pressures and the strange anticipation about an upcoming procedure that i though would be fairly straightforwards but is now proving quite complex. i really don't want to die or become seriously sick which means i have to trust whatever process these doctors and technicians will provide while i am anesthetized.  however these days as i inwardly am pessimistic i must adopt a brave front for all around, and set my controls for the heart of the sun, in more ways that one. 

out of the blue an old friend rang and we had a good chat, he's moved up to mullinbimbi, although he spends a lot of time in sydney. i must admit it was good to hear his voice, really good. a sane man, a wonderful man actually, the kind of guy i would have been happy to be jakes godfather if i were able to go back in time. his mother made all those decisions and chose a woman i never heard from or see. not that i believe in all that stuff, but i guess if something happened to me when jake was very young i would have liked a male figure to step in as mentor. my friend would have been a perfect guy but i didn't know him back then. anyways we chat about fatherhood, expectations, women, music, the world wars and mutual acquaintances. 

my work is disheartening, i feel no energy to do anything, same at home, as if caught in some weird spiders web. i do manage to find a way into some markets, which will motivate me. i just need a few days to line up. i figure i can move quite a lot of stuff, if i sell cheap. this will clear out a lot of space at mission control.

i speak to my friends in nz and defer my plans to visit pending my procedure. i miss them a lot but need to be healthy.

ah well, loose ends must be tied up i guess.