im so tired these days. nights are just a cold blur. if i told you mission control was like a remote aortic ice station in a power cut you would be getting close to last night. under my covers i shiver and shake, i'm so cold i can't actually stop moving, attempting to generate heat. heat, it's being sucked out of the universe. i'm in a weird sci fi movie, trapped in a skin tight bunker as an ice age looms around me. my moon powered zap gun has frozen, my feet are numb, my fingers are blue. fuck this!

i throw myself into the darkness, avoiding the piles of books, making headway down to the kitchen in my leopard skin fur coat, fill up the kettle and make a mug of hot chocolate. the kettle will take a few minutes to boil so i grab the last of my whiskey and drain the bottle.

now this is no normal whiskey, this is pokeno. all the way from new zealand. bliss. i love this stuff, it's warm and interesting, it's unlike any whiskey i have ever had, more a liquor. 

my eyes are aching from tiredness, i'm standing in candle light freezing my ass off being warmed from the inside out, waiting for the kettle to boil.

it must be around 4pm, i have not slept at all, soon the sun will rise, soon a warm wavelength will scan its way across the landscape, lighting up the suburb. i head over to the back garden and watch the shadows, soon birds will begin their rituals. i think about my friend who is learning to walk again, to stand even. i think about how she would be my number one person to call at such an odd hour as we keep similar times, i think about how much i miss that. i think about how brave she is, i think about how when i finally heard from her she asked me if i was okay? suddenly i feel tired. i forget the kettle, make my way through the obstacle course of mission control, walk up the steps to the bedroom and slide under the covers. sleep hits suddenly and i'm in some dream state almost immediately.