impossible to sleep, to cold to leave my bed. i twist and turn, i read for a while, i listen to a podcast, i dream in and out, i feel my father around me, i'm not sure as i don't like to put faith in uncertainty, but i keep seeing the word

BELIEVE

everywhere i look. it pops up in flashing lights, it's in my kitchen, it's said by strangers in cafes to me in random acts of weirdness. there was a time i believed in everything but these few years i believe in less. knowing my dad he is talking in some spiritual terms, there's no way i could believe in any human endeavour unless it is artistic, creative and beautiful.

BELIEVE

somewhere after 3am i slip into a deep sleep, like being enveloped by deep stasis, i travel between galaxies. my space ship knows which way to go. in my dream state i understand i have come a long way, travelled a distance, not just metaphorically but in a tangible history, in a psychological one as well. my 4D body is twisty, long and full of angles and angels. it's extreme, with huge arches of contrast. in a strange way in my dream it connects to my father, and then his father and it leaves a very long trail back through time across geography, wrapping itself around the globe until i take it off planet and into space.

BELIEVE

i wake late, drag myself to the shower and then head out. it's still gloomy, a bit cloudy and wet but the sun is breaking through. in a few weeks i have an event, i'm going to get together with my friend wild child and see out fave band and our very own rockstar. there are not many things that i look forwards to, nothing that would drag me out on a winters evening, but this event for us is our drug. it fills me with energy and propels me forwards. often a few weeks before a gig i feel deflated and empty, and then like being plugged in, i am alive again. wild child feels the same. i don't usually have expectations about the church gigs but this one will be very special i know. i can feel it. astrologically on that date venus aligns with the sun. and it's symbolic stone is moonstone, which is my stone.

BELIEVE