here i am on the central coast of nsw, how did i get here, thrown from the northern beaches, blown adrift after tims death. the central coast where there is car culture, some gypsy folk across the way, smoking cults and winery restaurants, i could be anywhere really, i'm always just lost. 
here i am alone, day in day out with only friends who border autistic spectrums, they can't fathom me but they trust me, and that feels good.
it's okay i whisper in their ears, it's okay. i see their fear, what is this madness outside of them, why it's the world of man, hard to navigate my friends, i don't know how i do it, just barely. that's the resonation, that's why they trust me, they know i am one of them, freaked out by religions, politics, banks ad tax, freaked out by haircuts and cars and money, shoelaces and cake tins. i'm lost in civilisation but somehow i surf it. 
it's okay man, it will pass, all things pass. i don't know what it is, just some ones idea. it's alright sister, it won't hurt you if you don't believe in it.
what do you believe in, you can see them pleading.
i believe in you.
but we are lost causes.
thats technically out of context, your found effects.
that's a good name for a song or book.
yeah, i make a note to myself.
a found effect, i found you and you found me, and the effect is just a kinda good feeling right.
are we friends
yes
i loose all my friends.
me to eventually.
i'm scared.
me to. it just means your alive.
here i am not quite alone.
today the girl from fbi radio rang me up, asked me how i was.
it had been so long since i had spoken to anyone i just rambled on. when she hung up i was standing there wondering why she called.
i don't really understand anything sometimes, even what i think, it just passes in and leaves me. if i'm lucky i may get to write it down.

this is evening, travelling fast, it's late and i've sat in the darkness listening to an old church cd, parallel universe, disc two.
i have a small lamp sending out a red soft light across the floor, while the volume pumps out these incredible songs. my joint is burnt out, my skin cold and i'm wrapped in blankets like some north american indian in a teepee. 
have you heard this cd? play it, loud and in the darkness, let it wash over you, my god, it's full off stars as dave said as he flew through the black oblix and became a star child.