the shadow's encircle me, i trudge through the forest, grumbling and complaining the words of her majesty rotating and spinning through my head like an irritating song. the crystal sword begins to glow slightly and in the moonlight probably looks quite beautiful but i'm to miserable to appreciate it.

i find myself whistling and then suddenly stop as i ponder how i came to be living in a clique childhood tale. of course i had spent many years pondering my situation, regret weighed down on my like a heavy tombstone, two snorts had changed everything, sentenced me here for eternity.

although i had learnt how to live here i still never quite felt contentment, i never found peace or stillness and my life was filled with a longing to return home. but home was chaos, it was a place of war, greed, envy. t was a place where time ran out, it was a place where the skies were filled with pollution and the warring tribes bleating like sheep in an abattoir. i must confess my heart was conflicted. 

i attempted to be positive, after all fairy folk are always positive, there's the music, the books, the wonderful films people make, there's my friends...

i wandered deeper into the darkness, even the strange washed out moonlight failed to penetrate the darkness of the dark lands, and there i saw peering right out of the sky a pair off eyes. 

big red eyes towering above me, i steadied myself, thrust my sword forwards to illuminate. it was a monstrous shape, bulky and irregular but bipedal. i could see it's outline, make out thick layers of fleshy flab and fine sharp teeth, gnashed in shock as it watched me, long cheeks hanging down jowls wobbling as it made a grunting sound and loomed in closer to inspect me closer.

'what are you little thing, not a fairy that's for certain as i can be now.'

the voice was in contradiction to it's physical shape, seemingly friendly.

i considered its question, 'i am an explorer, just passing through.'

it brought it's large chubby fingers up to it's chin and looked bemused, 'well ex..ex..porer, this here is troll territory and you are trespassing.'

'ah so you are a troll then?'

'i'm a troll alright, ha ha,' i watched it shake as it laughed out, stomping from foot to foot finding something hilarious in my question, 'and mr. ex-porer what do you taste like?'

'i'm not fit for troll consumption actually, highly poisonous.'

the thing now stopped laughing and grabbed me with its fat hand bringing me up to it's face for a closer look.

'not fit for trolls. not fit for trolls hey trespasser, what shall i do with you, snap your bones and boil you up.'

about now i confess being very frightened, off course living in the fairly lands had desensitised me to a lot of this nonsense but i ad never been so close to a trolls mouth before and as i waved my sword about i could make out the pointy teeth were filthy yellow, rotting and the stench of trolls breath was enough to make me feel nauseous.

i looked at the sword and for a moment thought i could at least use it to plunge into the trolls fingers and then if my plan worked he would drop me and i could run off, but i was here for a reason and i needed to deal with the situation in confidence.

'listen troll, listen to me before you do anything hasty. we ex-porers are very poisonous and if you eat me or boil me you will die immediately a very painful death so put me down and i will tell you what i will do for you.'

the troll contemplated this, i could see the dim slow machinery of his mind, a piece of string and some old wooden cogs turning slowly as he considered my words.

okay when i say slow i mean really slow and i began to think he may just be to dim to take self preservation seriously, so i jabbed him hard with the sword, like rally hard, plunging it down into his hand.

i had enough time to withdraw the sword before he dropped me in shock and let out a bellow.

i fell onto my back and watched him hop around, tears streaming out of his eyes, 'you hurt me, my poor hand hurts.'

'yes, i didn't want to hurt you troll, that's why you must not eat me or harm me, for i am very poisonous for trolls.'

'your one of those pesky fairies ex-porer,' he whimpered,' come to hurt poor old troll.'

'fairies don't hurt trolls you know that. that's why you eat them, your a bully troll.'

'those bleeding unseelie's do hurts us trolls, we hate em ex-porer. are you unseelie?'

'no i don't know who they are but i wont hurt you, i came here to make you a special soup, a gift.'

'special soup, gift for troll, what trick is this.'

'why it's no trick at all, in fact i'll drink it with you and then you will know it's no trick.'

'mmm, troll is hungry, troll can't eat ex-porers bones because they are to poisonous,' he seemed to have forgotten about the stab wound and now appeared interested in my offer.

'what kind of soups is it?'

'a special soup for trolls. now be quick and get me your cauldron, i'll also need some vegetables, but no bones.'

the beast went clumping off into the darkness, i would only have a few hours before the sun rises so i immediately opened up my bag and started preparation.

he had brought me a pile of what i would say were yams, sweet potatoes, cauliflower's and barley, he offered them to me and proceeded to build a fire, placing the huge water filled cauldron on it's centre.

i added some garlic to the water, a few drops from a small bottle of sweet water which incidentally works on a homeopathic principle. i also added some of my herbs and then very carefully added the barley and the vegetables, finally sprinkling the heated mixture with my special ingredient. 

this better work i thought, else i will be in the pot.

the troll seemed to get excited, he was obviously hungry and in need of a meal. he danced around in a circle, singing, just like in a children's book i'd read when i was a child eons ago. 

i encouraged him to dance and yes i confess i joined in to, dancing around the cauldron like an idiot, hoping he would tire and his resistance wear down.

occasionally he would kneel down and stir the pot with a huge wooden spoon. then as the pot began to bubble i showed him the soup was safe but taking a sip from the spoon as he held it for me.

i can't say it tasted great, it's didn't but there was enough marijuana in there to put an entire country to sleep, and it was very strong.

the fairy marijuana is perfect, it's biodynamic, grown with love and the added magic faire use to make everything special. 

immediately i felt the narcotic effect as my lips warmed up and my body seemed to lighten itself.

'perfect,' i proclaimed, at which the troll picked up the cauldron and drained it dry gulping it down like a greedy, err troll i guess.
i watched him as he stumbled over laying on the ground with his tongue hanging out, his eyes rolling around looking for something to fixate on, which was of course me. i walked up to his face.
'no listen troll i made you a special soup and soon you will be fast asleep dreaming beautiful troll dreams but first you must tell me how i get home, back to the place i came from.'
i confess he was so discombobulated he could hardly get his words out, but he mentioned something about standing in a crystal circle and in the first ray of sunshine my hearts desire would come true, like a wish, he pointed to the woods, follow the path. 
there didn't seem any reason to distrust him although my experience with these trolls was negligible. as i backed away he asked, 'what are you ex-porer?'
'i'm a human,' i replied, 'just a human.'
he looked at me with a deeply penetrating look that and then he just said, 'the humans are the real trolls,' his eyes closed and he fell into a heavy sleep, snoring loudly.
as i prepared myself and started walking along the pathway i began thinking about his words, after all life here in the fairy realm was particularly different from my own and offered much more in the way of harmony and peace than in my own civilisation. i wouldn't have to ever deal with taxes, telephones and stupid cars. what was i doing, it was crazy, attempting to find my way back to the madness, when here i could be, happy. 
i found myself at the circle of stones, a mini stonehenge, beautiful crystals glowing with the fading moonlight. i sat in the middle of the circle and focused on my heart, waiting for the sun.
i must have sat there for forty minutes or more focusing on my breathing steading my mind. my hearts desire. when the sunlight hit me it was dazzling, i closed my eyes and knew when i opened them i would return, right back to the beginning, where i pace around worrying about my jazz cigarette situation. i could feel something happening, something special, sparkles, i imagined opening my eyes, i imagined seeing my friends, the witches and drinking their strange bitter teas, i imagined pacing up and down with a pile of unpaid bills. i opened my eyes!