the first part of my library is packed up in boxes, all the esoteric books sealed in cardboard awaiting transportation. as i packed them i recalled some lost memories, the times i had experimented with enochian magick, the way i had invoked my hga, the strange encounter with the scarlet women, the discovery of new falcon and hyatts strange projects, my initiation with odb, tgd and the iot and my rejection of the skools, i packed up all those books and stuck them in the boxes until i stood in an empty room. i remembered keeping a notebook and went to look for it, i remembered the meditations, the beginning of yoga, the end of tantra, my head is filled with these things, so many conceptions and i thought it would burst open, it certainly ached. i had to go and lay down, the splitting sensation in my head began to get worse as if a horrible swarm of insects were eating my brain, i'd disturbed some energy and it did not like it, i lit some incense and smudged, i lit a candle and attempted a clearing rite, opened some windows, piled up the boxes, my eyes weighed down with some unfathomable tiredness. 
i should have been a little more respectful in that room, you can't dismantle a sacred space after ten years and expect the energy to go quietly, you need to take precautions. all that memory flooding back and i still know nothing.