7am and we are at the beach, its all action, non stop hardcore girl kite surfing, there is enough wind to get a short session in, the grey clouds offer a range of diverse conditions, Emile says it's the ones that are shaped weirdly that are the dangerous ones, they are low in the sky and produce vicious winds. From where i stand the ocean looks messy, the type of surf that i would never go into, it's a choppy violent opaque mish mash of torrent waiting to steal your soul. But emile is already unfurled and inflated her kite, it's massive thing with lots of string and leads and she looks like an angel as she heads towards the waters edge, her wings spread behind her in all their Blakian glory.
Pansy and i play at the shore, the girls are out there and suddenly i see the extreme in the sports, it's not only one challenge but it is two, the ocean and the wind.

So here i am with the most beautiful girl in the world, she's the girl i created, a french anjelina jolie, she's independent, smart and gorgeous and like all the creations i manifest comes from a desire that is deep and strong, instictive and intuitive, propelled by a power i developed called quantum magick. And Emilie wants to marry me. Yes you read that right. It's all i ever wanted in my romantic life, to marry a french girl, yet here's the catch, the irony, the yin to the yang, the bittersweet truth, the paradox, the love and non locality.
Emile has only three months left on her visa, the govt. in their glorious bureaucratic wisdom have given her a use by date, and options are running short, the sands of time slip through the hourglass, marriage is the last resort and i am there, for once in my life standing in the right place at the right time, and yet like every great french love story, its going to be a tragic ending.

Here's the options,

1. Marry emilie as a business arrangement, after she gets the papers we separate, she's happy and i am miserable but i can speak french and kite surf.

2. Marry emile and hope that in a few months she actually starts to feel some emotional attachments towards me and falls in love with me, thus the sham becomes legitimate.

3. I drag myself through the anguish of heartbreak and silently die day by day as emile becomes happier and happier the closer her permit reaches her.

Bottom line, i really can't marry unless it's for love, yeah the benefits with emile are huge but i rather not pretend to be all noble as i fall apart. A girl like emile is easy to fall in love with.

"Be careful what you wish for" is the lesson here, although i learnt it a long time ago, when it come's in a package like emile i don't mind learning it again.

I spoke with this to Proffessor Leary, i rang him in an emotional meltdown, (yes i am human) and he said, 'it's what makes you intresting.'

Bless him.

Okay, i am sleepwalking through my day, muscles ache, my teeth feel like they need a holiday, gravity is unfair, the weather starts in miserable London grey and ends on a lovely bright aftenoon in paradise then my phone rings, its Jake. (Jake if you're reading this, this is the conversation i have waited 15 years for.) He asked if he could move in with me.