vast ego distorts as expanded compassion, he gazed at events beyond his sphere of influence, he cried and sobbed, his wrath and anger, his words label and define in ways only he understands yet hopes to influence herd mind.
this is the man who walks the righteous path, above all self enquiry. casting aspersion and blame, fault and expostulation. this is the man whom leads his fellow man down division, oh man love thy enemy, love him when you kill him, for they are dead already. love him when he kills you for they are dead already. love is the law, love is letting go.
i drive to buddha with my new friend phenix, she tells me about her project and it agrees with my strange ambiguous nature, we talk about the old days in newtown, we talk about the world of dating, what a crazy experience this has been for me, we talk about all things on the verge of all things, devotion and listening. my car needs a service, it makes uneasy noises and feels sluggish and listless, my body hacks up some strange chest pain, sharp shooting severe side spasm takes me to emergency status, they send me to get an ecg, they suck my blood, they x ray me. 
i hate all this shit but it has to be done, my life feels ancient already, yet i feel i were born yesterday. it's strange to be waiting for death, have i had a stroke, a heart attack, some sort of weird psychosomatic affliction. i breath the pain away, i look for the raven, there he is in front of me. am i at peace? yes, i am at peace. is this my time, no! old man you have many years left but let me remind you all things must pass, and your flesh is in decline, your bones haunt you, your organs pound onwards in steady resolution that the ghost in the machine drives them into tomorrow, and when old captain missions number is up, its up so let it go....