my body worn out from surfing out my attitude and aggressive persona, it seems to have done the trick, i feel calm and peaceful again, although i guess it takes time to really know who's driving my ego. i get home after hitting some mighty waves, one kept me airborne, i was lifted out of neptune's reach and them floated down into his soft embrace. between air and ocean i felt something shift, maybe in a moment of fear as i lost control, maybe it was just the unreality of finding myself surfing in air, i can't say for sure but when i emerged from the ocean i was a different being. i flicked through the media sipping my coffee, nothing to report, it's all the same old stuff hardly worth reading, i read a sizeable chunk of joyce carol oates remarkable gothic novel, the accursed as the characters all face their demise one by one i'm shocked by the fate of the youngest. what an incredible book this is, almost a meditation on karmic consequences but also a novel of race and sexism, quite exquisite but terrifying. it's a book that requires commitment, it demands intelligence.
returning to mission control i wash the great dog pan, he's enjoying himself immensely as i tickle and scratch him in his favourite areas, massage his legs and hips, whisper kind words into his ears. 
what a friend a dog is, pan is so exceptional, he loves everything, he is loyal and kind natured and i agree with william james who said, 'if you want to know what love is look into your dogs eyes.'
pan makes me feel ashamed of my failings, he is one of the best teachers, always there for me, no judging or conditions. 
i do some gardening, i confess i have committed ferncide, my beautiful fern looks like it is dead, i will know for sure in spring, lets hope i can revive it. 
i lay down and read some more of the accursed, soon i will complete it, what will i read next? i have a pile of novels to get through. 
as i write i watch the sunlight filter through trees and leaves, the sounds of birds fill the pocket of bushland and down on the river wind causes ripples across the water surface, it's beautiful, the light feels alive.