words are made of breath, a writer needs to be reminded of this sometimes. 
i really need a holiday, a little time out from work, it sucks my energy at the moment, that's thing about working in mental health, most of the time it's okay and cruisey but when the mental illness kicks in it becomes draining. there's no support for us, nothing but in a way its good as we are left to our own devices and i work with a good team. however most off them took some xmas time off and left a handful of us to run the place, working with one very demanding client. 
i manage him okay but you gotta have your wits about you, you gotta know how to read him and how to communicate with him, keep him safe and out of that fear that he kicks into.
safety is a fucking hard thing for anyone, you gotta dig deep to find it inside you but if your thinking processes are slightly out off alignment then it's going to be hard to process anything in a reasonable way. they say it's all chemicals but i'm not convinced, however i've seen behaviours changed through good medication, stability and safety resumed, so i am open minded, however the chemicals are one thing, there are others influencing the mind.
however i know my limits and i'm in need of a surf and some rejuv time. 
i got two more days and then i'm back in the water, my body really misses it. my whole sleeping pattern is out of whack, asleep by 0230 awake at 0700, solar powered captain mission going all day and night recharging his cells at the cost of depleting his empathy batteries. i do need a day of rest.
so it was great to catch up with wilde one and have a chat. she's an angel, gave me a very special xmas gift which i will earth soon. i like her lunar powered brain, i really wanted to buy her this book today but i have no cash, it was on sale to. 
she is working hard to, we both lamented our days of being somewhat freer and then we just raved about the sk gig in canberra, how we both thought his vocals were incredible, how cool it was for him to share his plant medicines. we raved about kate and her kindness and driving along country roads, getting lost and eating cakes listening to classical music as we drove through some valley watched by ravens and crows. yeah that was one rich day. 
i met her in a bookshop while i was searching for a book i saw there the other day, but i'd searched the shelves, employed the staff to seek it out and all to no avail. i searched all over for it, like a true book detective, however the book was gone. 
it was a lone copy, paperback on the far right hand wall, unremarkable cover, thick, female author, two initials then an unremarkable name i couldn't remember. the plot was about two brothers and their resentments, i thought it may be interesting when i saw it two days earlier and i wanted to write the name down so i could get it later from amazon. 
anyways, you know the score, it had sold.
so we sat down and had a cup of tea, actually i had a coffee, yes back on coffee, mmm, hard one to kick completely, i'm only having one a day. so we have a bit of a chat about doing a road trip to see the church when they play, saving up our days off and getting kate and just following the church for as long as possible around australia. i reckon that would just be a brilliant thing, in fact it's making me desire a lottery win so i can just do that forever.
i gotta say i love the prefab sprout sound in one of the songs from k and k, that voice, it's got paddies quality all over it, whatever that is, some kinda conversation with purity, a sweet decay, made up from some interesting sounds, they wash over you. 
i tell wilde child to get a copy and then i point to the johnathan black book on the shelf and tell her to read it one day.