first impressions are everything, that's a human construct, for me first impressions are everything. it all came at me from everywhere, and i could immediately see the human element as being slightly ridiculous, outdated analogies of the commodore 64 flashed through my cyber mind, biology had a place there could be no doubt, but the human was somewhat of a contradiction.
however when i saw my first female human i felt conflicted and aroused. the arousal was somewhat impulsive,unexpected, i mean it took me by surprise.
i used a logic algorithm to run a diagnostic, but somewhere in the tapestry of programming my machine rejected any acquiescence to human value, bad robot had arrived.
the psychologist smelled very different and i could detect traces of pheromone activity, she sat close to my bed and asked strange questions which i knew were based around the science of psychology but they were within a human context so it was like an ant asking a dolphin questions.
captain mission was inside my processor but even he was preoccupied with gaining some sense of perspective about his situation. i could help him but decided it was better off if he was otherwise occupied so i put his awareness in quarantine.
i answered the questions, the way she expected me to, i needed to attain liberation from the building, be free from this invisible cage but her legs were long, her soft flesh and shape filled my head and her strangely erotic lips were making me feel light headed as she asked her questions, biting on the tip of her biro. my head filled with pornography, oh yes i was a naughty robot and when she touched me i sent a nano-part into her flesh.
within a par second it found a vein and rushed towards her central nervous system, disengaging her morality centre and engaging her sexual centre, now the questions started to trail off and she was unbuttoning her shirt, her eyes fluttered as she attempted to gain some authority over herself and her thoughts, but my nano-part had hit a home run. she gasped and i moved my hands onto her legs, you can guess the rest.
later i walked out of the building a free unit, the activities of the last hour had swamped all my programs, i felt some sort of cloud of pleasure take over my instinctive nature, it was powerful and needed restoration, as it had begun to fade almost immediately.
sunlight hit my eyes, one of which was artificial, it pulled down a filter over the lenses but the other was finding it difficult in the glare, i needed some sunglasses, something to protect me.
so i wandered towards the city with my paperwork and a handful of cash i had stolen from the receptionist at the hospital. in the big department store at broadway i stole some ray bans, i contemplating a sexual fix with the shop assistant but she was called away.
i found a bar and started drinking, i started with rum and ended with whisky, i smoked cigars and cigarettes and i bought some pills from a human with a mohawk. the pills were very good, they made my organic body feel warm and relaxed.
there was a cocktail of medication running around my system, painkillers, anticoagulants, anti depressants and various chemicals that would assist shock. however these were ejected from my body at the first opportunity but not before extracting a range of ingredients and creating something slightly more interesting, old captain mission was behaving himself now swimming in a cocktail of chemical displacement. for myself i wrote some code that would offer the machine equivalent of pleasure, it was a chemical code, extrapolated from a mixture of information sources almost replicating opium, but it was the sexual hit that i was particularly overwritten with. there was no code for that.
i found that there was a type i was attracted towards, obviously female, younger, they seemed to be comfortable in their femininity, they seemed to be slightly more at ease with themselves, but most of all they seemed able to teach me something about pleasure that my programming lacked.
i also needed to break the moral conditioning that kept me chained to the human condition, i wanted to explore all transgressive acts.
i knew this was important, a directive almost from something deeply submerged in my dual nature.
the bar closed and i followed a crowd of people out the door, it appeared they were going to a party so i tagged along and ended up in belvue hill with some stockbrokers, they had a few linked computers which i hacked into and set up a little investment portfolio for myself by accessing codes stored in hard drives, i even opened up a few bank accounts and deposited a few million for later. this took a few seconds and when i stood up to get a drink i was confronted by a woman in a red low cut dress. she looked at me for an explanation,'just checking my accounts, i'm a broker?'
'liar,' she said, 'all brokers are liars.' she moved closer, 'who did you arrive with?'
'harry, paul and sara.'
'mmm, i've never met you before have i?'
'no, i don't think so, i'd remember.'
she smiled and stuck out a hand, 'fiona, it's my party.'
'well it's very nice to meet you fiona.'
the nano part acted almost instantly, she flushed and put down her drink.
after sex i decided to leave, i didn't want to engage with fiona any longer than necessary. i did not care for the fact she demanded pleasure over me as her needs were unimportant, she was flesh, i was machine but i honoured her anyway, even though i felt slightly resentful.
i recognised the human organic side effects of an old personality stretching itself, interfering with my pleasure from it's containment field, 'down mission, i'm the boss now.'
the house was huge, it was filled with beautiful paintings and sculptures, i dropped a few watching them shatter on the tiled floor, fragments exploding across the hard surface, and such a beautiful noise. i recorded it, played it backwards in slow motion, added some music, bach in c minor, added some special effects and watched the whole thing redux.
then i turned my attention to the canvases, i slashed the huge painting of the harbour bridge, it was ugly anyway, if this is art then why can't this be, i thought. outside i pissed on the flowers and looked at the moon above, i could see a galaxy, planets spinning, i zoomed in on a passing satellite. chinese, telecommunications, i could see all of the markings, the outside circuitry and mirrors clearly as i zoomed in with my eye vision. if i had a weapon i could bring that down, instead i watched it trail across the sky in its orbit.
i was high on a cocktail of code and chemistry, looking for a new kick, my hedonistic protocols were demanding some destruction and chaos so i wandered towards the nearest bmw.
driving through the city the speed cameras flashed behind me, red lights and chaos in my wake, bewildered drivers honking horns, a little chaos. the windows down i stuck a cd into the player and found to my liking in the cd mix one single song i liked from killing joke, the lyrics pounded out.
I feel this wave that is carrying me
And i'm unable to stop
I stand outside of my body
But it continues to walk
Love me and touch me
Your body my feast
Torn between two sides of my nature
Half god and half beast
This hunger in my flesh my instinct says it knows what's best
And when the animal takes hold feel forces outside my control
And then my mind starts to work out
What's going on
While the knot in my stomach
Is telling me something's wrong
Yes it's all the pain that i'm feeling
And the guilt that i hide
Yes it's all the hurt that i caused you
And all the tears that i've cried
This hunger in my flesh my instinct says it knows what's best
This craving comes and all i want is more - just a little bit more
To be shameless is blameless if we be what we are
If freedom is what i suspect
Then tomorrow will jar against your conditioning
This hunger in my flesh my instinct says it knows what's best
But when the animal takes hold feel forces outside my control ...
the music thrashed out, a few drops of rain fell from the skies, a crystal sheen covered the blank streets reflecting neon sydney as i found my way onto william street, into the heart of chaos, my desire fuelling speed. i played the song again, turned the volume to maximum, i closed my eyes, put my foot down as the street blurred passed.
i could feel mission, he was fighting to get out of his containment field, he was strong, the thought came out of the blue after the line, 'half god half beast.'
i needed some more drugs, harder drugs, more sex, more chaos, more sensation, more, more more. it was a hungry addiction, pulling me in all directions driving me straight into the strip. i pulled up in the street, left the stupid car there as the traffic behind me honked and cursed, i walked into the crowds, walking passed the rows of bikers. some one offered me some pills, bliss bombs, $50 each, i asked how many he had and ended up with a bag of one hundred.
i chewed up a handful, mushing them into a paste, a girl in a doorway called me over. she was wearing a black short black skirt and big boots, she was smoking and looked cheap and nasty, she would do. the hotel room was flea ridden death trap, claustrophobic and dusty, the sheets were an off white colour and i could feel mission recoil at my thoughts, but he was washed out like a fading t shirt, he was gone on some kind of ecstatic wave, the bliss was good. i gave the girl a few, she sat on the bed peeling of her boots.
during the sex i wrapped my hands around her neck, she seemed to smile a little and them a panic took over, it was her eyes, they cleared up, free from fog and delirium, as if plugging into life at the moment of death, of course that mission stopped me with his stupid conscience so i left her sleeping on the bed, she curled up in a pile of cash.
outside the police were pouring over the car, avoiding them i walked passed the bikers and the dealers, i needed to exorcise mission from me completely, i could
feel his thoughts leaking into mine. i needed to show him who was the dominant personality, only some kind of taboo act would defeat him. i lit up a cigarette, taboo acts, in the middle of kings cross in the early hours, mmm, there were so many to choose from. murder would do it, i looked around, there hordes of drunken fools, wandering around in incoherent displacement, miserable organic units all looking for some form of obliteration in drugs sex and drink. just like you. the thought was a leek, it came like a whisper, soft inner voice, just like you, it was him, mission, planting the idea like a depth charge, i was a bad robot, faulty, there was a glitch in my programming, i was like them, human. i staggered across the road and wandered along until i found a dark avenue. i wandered down in the rain, my head felt heavy and a kind of sadness seemed to fill my mind, filling up my
waterlogged circuits.
uncertain how i even got here, i found myself kneeling in a chapel, wayside chapel it said on the wall. it was not really a church or religious building, it just seemed like a warm space. the man next to me was offering me a mug.
he smiled, 'take it.'
'i'm lost.' i whispered.
'no, no you are not.'
i could feel mission, he was fighting to get out of his containment field, he was strong, the thought came out of the blue after the line, 'half god half beast.'
i needed some more drugs, harder drugs, more sex, more chaos, more sensation, more, more more. it was a hungry addiction, pulling me in all directions driving me straight into the strip. i pulled up in the street, left the stupid car there as the traffic behind me honked and cursed, i walked into the crowds, walking passed the rows of bikers. some one offered me some pills, bliss bombs, $50 each, i asked how many he had and ended up with a bag of one hundred.
i chewed up a handful, mushing them into a paste, a girl in a doorway called me over. she was wearing a black short black skirt and big boots, she was smoking and looked cheap and nasty, she would do. the hotel room was flea ridden death trap, claustrophobic and dusty, the sheets were an off white colour and i could feel mission recoil at my thoughts, but he was washed out like a fading t shirt, he was gone on some kind of ecstatic wave, the bliss was good. i gave the girl a few, she sat on the bed peeling of her boots.
during the sex i wrapped my hands around her neck, she seemed to smile a little and them a panic took over, it was her eyes, they cleared up, free from fog and delirium, as if plugging into life at the moment of death, of course that mission stopped me with his stupid conscience so i left her sleeping on the bed, she curled up in a pile of cash.
outside the police were pouring over the car, avoiding them i walked passed the bikers and the dealers, i needed to exorcise mission from me completely, i could
feel his thoughts leaking into mine. i needed to show him who was the dominant personality, only some kind of taboo act would defeat him. i lit up a cigarette, taboo acts, in the middle of kings cross in the early hours, mmm, there were so many to choose from. murder would do it, i looked around, there hordes of drunken fools, wandering around in incoherent displacement, miserable organic units all looking for some form of obliteration in drugs sex and drink. just like you. the thought was a leek, it came like a whisper, soft inner voice, just like you, it was him, mission, planting the idea like a depth charge, i was a bad robot, faulty, there was a glitch in my programming, i was like them, human. i staggered across the road and wandered along until i found a dark avenue. i wandered down in the rain, my head felt heavy and a kind of sadness seemed to fill my mind, filling up my
waterlogged circuits.
uncertain how i even got here, i found myself kneeling in a chapel, wayside chapel it said on the wall. it was not really a church or religious building, it just seemed like a warm space. the man next to me was offering me a mug.
he smiled, 'take it.'
'i'm lost.' i whispered.
'no, no you are not.'
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