my legs are healing, badly scared but functional, i am alive and kicking, my mind seems to be in overdrive after being shattered, i've been in rehearsing with the deep fix. i have a band, we are four.
louis plays sax, he plays like a jazz demon, a wailing devil renegade, he's a fallen angel, a really decent chap and appears to have great taste in music being a hawk wind fan and having knowledge of jan gabbrick and oscar peterson, two of my fave musicians. he's an old master, i can see his history in his eyes, like a fabulous furry freak brother, i recognize a familiar.
then there's nevin who played with us for the first time this sunday, and like the icing on a cake it all came together. his guitar was a texture that i would say blends in as the missing ingredient. he plays in the shadows, much like i would, he uses feel and intuition, he is a sonic energy magician wielding wavelength like a warrior. he's got some strange amplifier accessory filled with effects and buttons, he gets sound that doesn't sound like a guitar, he gets the deep fix.
and then there's val, the alchemist who seems to take my raw materials and somehow get something greater from them, i don't know but he's a master at intuitively getting me. a very rare thing in my life. and this is what i think the deep fix is. it's intuition.
i gotta learn my words and i gotta put together some film, a difficult task in itself because i really want the visual part to work well. i have to create this, manifest.

speaking about manifesting things my experiments with lottery tickets is still ongoing. a short recap.
over the last five years i have taken to buying a lottery ticket at least once every month. and i never spend more than 10 dollars. i vary the game, there are so many i just enter the ones with big prizes. each time i buy a ticket i win, 9 times out of 10. however i never win more than i spend on the ticket. i seem to average about $7. once i won $14 but that never repeated itself.
last week i won $7 again. i'm going to have to try to change something but im not sure what, i like winning but i wanna win more than i spend so that it counts for something substantial as a verification of personal power. i've been playing with these ideas of lottery tickets for years as part of my experiments with magick and chaos. to me it seems like a great test for random effect to be influenced but some intent. and using a home made concoction of chaos theory and crowley and tantra i seem to be getting somewhere but not far enough. it is time to change something in the formula but i have no idea what.

i've just finished The Night Sessions, the new book from Ken MacLeod. In it he gives us a near future where we finally have got rid of religion. its a detective story played out in scotland and a new zealand christian theme park but there's robots and space elevators in the mix. great ending very satisfying.