i was planning on an early night but ended up at terrible, with the gang just watching moonrise, it was lovely as the sky was incredibly dramatic with a multitude of whips clouds and streaks of blue shades, a pink tinge and a rising crescent moon. the ocean was intense, large waves and a curious shade of turquoise, a few twilight surfers and one lone swimmer.
as it happens i was in bed at 1130pm and slept through the celebrations, although could hear a few fire works as i fell asleep. 

the end of an awfully weird year and i'm feeling somewhat jaded from it, work being the main ball and chain, but my attitude has to change and my expectations. it's financially challenging and i'm stretched to an all time low but somehow i survive and live and keep my book habit going.

my plans for the year are to anchor myself and discipline my writing regime which is erratic, to continue loosing weight and maintain my fitness and to find happiness in simplicity. i like my small circle of friends whom seem to have adopted me, and integrated me, faults and all. it's nice to be asked over for dinner occasionally.

i did go for a surf in the wild waves, very nasty but managed to catch a few monsters, one was amazing but as i stood up and turned around another fell upon me and wiped me out. 

for the next few days i have a lot on and won't be going out much, my throat seems to be sore so i need to nurse that, plus various bills need to be paid. if i can get my technologically challenged brain around it, i have to set up a blu tooth cd player in my car so i can hear music cds which will make driving perfect. 

and thus olde captain mission enters the new year. lets see what it brings and where i travel.

i'm helping a client get ready for bed, she's a great lady, a very unique individual and we have a great friendship, although it's professional over the 12 years i have known her we have really connected and enjoy a laugh together, so tonight I wish her all the best for the new years.

'when will I see you again' she asks as i leave.

'well if they don't replace me with a robot, maybe new years day,' i say.

'oh no, we don't want any robots, they are to dangerous.'

'oh most robots i've met are very friendly.'

'no, they keep breaking things.'

i laughed, not sure where she gets her information from but it was quite funny and in a way i'm glad she doesn't want me replaced by a robot.

what can i say, post bondi, it was inevitable. switched on people knew it was going to happen, how could it not. for 2 years thousands of zombies marched through sydney saying 'globalise the infitatda'  and last sunday they got what they wanted right on their doorstep, i hope they feel happy and proud that they are responsible for these deaths. along with our current government which are really just a bunch of 6th formers who know nothing about the world as they never move outside their bubble of the abc and guardian cocoons along with the ridiculous mythological perspective on israel. these people are insane with hate, their brains infected with an ancient mind virus that blots them to logic, reason or any understanding. in the spiritual war against god, they chose the wrong team. ironically the death cult attacked on the festival of lights, a celebration of life and survival. i don't know what else to say. 

on a train filled with beautiful monsters i don't feel quite the freak, just an old gothic twilight vampire out on the streets of sydney with all the other concert goers. heavy rainfall all day but suddenly as i emerge at newtown the sun transforms the sky into orange and reddish hues, and summer saves the day. 

it's the second gig i will see of the singles tour in sydney at the encore, and it's a packed house again. i'm on the balcony in the middle, good vision, good sound, and a brilliant band. you probably know just how brilliant but this time i notice some tweaking in the songs that bring out the percussion and drumming, these small elements transform the energy of the songs and really work well. in the middle off tantalised there's a section where nick and tim beat out a tribal, almost talking heads rhythm and it's beautiful. perfecto.

on the way home i'm surrounded by beautiful monsters all excited about seeing their queen, all dressed up in freaky outfits. but me, i'm just smiling on a post gig high, feeling that energy cruise around in my plasma, happy.

 exhaustion, i think i am officially burnt out. 

i do feel physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually depleted, from a multitude of factors and various energies. the next few days i will be focusing upon healing but it seems like some motivation is required as my energy is very low, thankfully there's a church gig tonight. it's heavy rain fall. 

 

down at terrible beach at dusk, big fat full moon coming up over the ocean, crisp summer light casting glorious details over the ever shifting surf, a low flying eagle fly's past me carrying a big fish in it's talons, and behind me the wednesday night drummers ensemble are being to pound their skins, a jungle type rhythm,  full on tribal sounds, echoing through the sleepy suburb as girls hula hoop and dance, fire twirl and pirouete, one shakes her ass and gets down and funky. 

and as usual old captain mission is in the wrong place at the wrong time, somehow i'm designated to take her home as she lives quite far up the hill in an inaccessible part of the suburb. she's a cross between traumatised from something and somewhat drunk, she's constantly seeing reassurance and because i have the constitution of a stoic asking if i am okay.

okay, she is attractive and very sexual, her energy is oozing out but she is also vulnerable and that makes her unpredictable so outside her place when she begs me to come inside i am declining, but my god she is persistent. she offers me a cup of tea and i agree,  but tea turns out into this big thing of wanting to make me dinner, then breakfast after a sleep, and somewhere in the madness i agree to watch a movie with her, but blankets and pillows are brought out, lights are switched off and she decides to remove most of her clothing. 

i keep my eyes on the screen and afterwards run for the door. deep down i know she is lonely and wants me to stay, i know she wants to look after me but to be honest my radar says danger danger and when i return home at midnight I know i made the right choice.

i have a rule, never sleep with anyone i've just met who is drunk or in an altered state, it's far to dangerous in this age.

the surf pounds along, beating out it's gentle rhythm, on crusty pristine sand i walk to greet the dawn, the gentle breeze comes in onshore as i kneel before neptune and raise my fin, blessed by the sun. it's neither cold nor warm, but comfortable enough to feel alive as i wade outwards. i love this part of the day. every morning, dawn ceremony. 

a small group of local ladies known as the friendly floaters swim out to the bouy known as goldie, and today i joined them, i didn't quite make it but got about 3/4 of the way there. giant rays swam by, apparently they are there every day, i just never go out that far. the women chat and take their time, it's funny, lots of laughter, lots of conversation, no competition. i may join them later in the pub when they celebrate their xmas party.

i picked up a new version of 'black and blue' from the rolling stones, i loved that album so hearing the new steve wilson mix is kinda exciting, i think the band had really peaked around now and every song is just drop dead brilliant. the piano playing is fucking brilliant. melody is my fave but they are all groovy funked out cuts.

this time last week i set of to see the church play the encore theatre on their singles tour,  which i must admit didn't sound appealing as i thought when i first heard about it, but that's before i saw the set list, and lets face it there were not many singles people would know after the obvious ones, so if you include block,  sacred echoes and numbers then you have a little more motivation. plus the new incarnation of the church play with such vitality and transform older songs into newer ones, man you should hear them. amazing. fighting some form of flu steve pushed through and delivered a professional vocal performance that was as impressive as ever. i also got a name check, 'just want to thank a friend, 'captain mission, and with a name like that you can guess what he gets up to.'
well there was a time when i would hand steve some weed or dmt before a gig, now it's cough lollies made from elderberries. ha!

then last night i was invited to a friends who was hosting an evening for the staff at the cafe we attend in the morning and it was really lovely. a great evening, which i enjoyed immensely. all the waitresses were there except muffin girl who was mia but it was really nice to get to know skyar and the others, especially library girl who really is lovely. 

the morning surf was ferocious with waves all over the place, chopping me up and spitting me out, seaweed everywhere and although i enjoyed the experience it was a relief to get out and dry myself in the sunlight, drink a coffee and go home. there was a pull to stay but so many domestic tasks await i really need to reorient myself with home duties. i need to fit into a busy day other things i loathe doing, a trim and some grooming all of which take up precious time. but first vacuuming which is where roxy music come in handy, always good to do your housework to.

i surf each morning, the water gets warmer each day and today was lovely although choppy. my head feels the same way as thoughts rattle around and rebound on the walls of my brain or however that works, all i know is i feel slightly over people and their weird perceptions on me but that's okay, i shrug it off and move forwards, sometimes you gotta take the odd bullet just so others can feel okay, and sometimes they just don't know what they are even saying. often words are said in anger and actions follow, that's the cause and effect but occasionally the cause is based upon no evidence or false premise. even i didn't have all the information but it's amazing how malleable a mind can be when it's under attack and for the sake of the peace just accept the falsehood.

my doctor whom has helped me massivly through the last few years deducted my cough that has afflicted me over decades was not an infection at all but a form of reflux. i had undergone several tests and specialists, speculation from lung disease to mould poisoning to asthma often surfaced as everyone had their own take but my doctor suggested 'reflux' and prescribed me some medication which instantly fixed the issue. only i had forgotten all about it as this occurred over a year ago. 

when last weekend i started coughing again i just logically thought i'd picked up some bug from everyone i work with, as they were all sick. it wasn't anything else but reflux, fixed by one of those pills. but the damage was done, can't change the history or the intention, it's no ones fault but just the way things sometimes play out and although i carry no ill will or negative thoughts i do feel a sense of sadness that this type of misunderstanding or situation occurrs wen you least expect it and have no real defence due to circumstance.

it was nice to get a call from jake this morning, he arrived yesterday afternoon and had been to see his mother, things do not look good, it's pretty bad but he's prepared and strong. me, i'm still not sure what to make of the whole thing. i was wondering if I should attend the funeral, more outa respect for jake than her but the whole thing could backfire. those people hated me, they were cruel and behaved disgusting towards me, i have nothing to prove or any point to make but i wanna do the right thing, once i work that out.

cancer.

that c word again, what is it why do we get it, i have theories, ideas i have collected that may or may not be true. it appears many people i know have cancer in one form or another and i am no expert at all. it's always been something of a mystery to me, something that i just blank upon when it came up in conversations, a sort of medical term for some complex type of cell mutation, not something i am interested in. words like remission, benign, malignant and remission seemed to fly way above my head and on a need to know basis i never needed to know. anyways, at the moment several people i am close to and some i am not are all suffering from it or have had close encounters. now my ex wife has it. it's appears terminal in her case and although i have nothing to do with her it's tragic as she is only early 60's and obviously it effects my son who has to deal with it.

my own process would be o avoid all medical treatments, and throw myself into ayahuscia or sound therapy, sounds via vibrational medicine and alternative treatments, and i would probably die. but there is no way I will surrender to the medical model. it's inherently wrong and although society invests in it i don't. so if i get cancer chances are i will die.

however i don't plan to, i plan to live and grow old on my own terms. cancer can get fucked.

anyways my theories are:

it's some sort of parasite and can be treated as such

it's a physical manifestation of emotional trauma

it's caused by the covid vaccinations

it's just a fuckin nasty illness nature throws at us.

who really knows. all i know is i'm kinda sick of how much money is wasted on so many unessessery things when we could just cure it. if we had a will for where there's a will there's a way. it stands to reason if we can get to the moon we can cure this, so why haven't we.

logic says, it's because its a cash cow, an industry which keeps the markets spinning and a cure would be catastrophic for the multinationals and peripherals who profit from it.

a friend of mine told me that research after the holocaust showed that none of the survivors had heart disease, kidney disease, cancers, in fact all their organs were clean. recently i heard a guy who was captive of hamas for two years say when he was released the doctors could not believe how healthy his organs were. he was officially starving but internally his organs were clean. they said it was a mystery. maybe the way to deal with cancer is to fast but it's so extreme. i could only manage 24 hours. i guess if you are forced it's a different story.

stupid cancer. i wish it would just fuck off.

okay early night, early morning, here i am waiting to be picked up for the blue mountains trip, i'm wearing long pants, a new church tee shirt and my big overcoat. we had over night rain but it has stopped now and there is a hint of sunlight. i'm listening to a great podcast from winston marshall interviewing alison pearson from the telegraph, it's very good. i've grown to really like winston's interviews, he's a magnificent host and very knowledgable for such a young man.

well i better get my skates on.

early mornings in the terrible surf as the sun rises and warms my skin, waves are okay but my fin is battered and falling apart, it is time to take out the new one. yesterday i hurt my foot, it's throbbing hard today and difficult to stand upon, i must stop thinking i am a teenager when it comes to jumping over walls.
lots happening, my book is due out in the new year, it's kinda exciting plus i've modified or in process of modifying 'yuri' which hopefully will make it less dense, and then i can begin work on manifesto which will take a full year to complete art work and all.
fortunately i am highly motivated and ironed out all the creases in my productivity, plus incentivised and i think getting work play balance in order. a few recreational events upcoming, trips to the blue mountains, the church gigs, a sk solo show and some social activities and readings, so that's kinda nice.
outside they are digging up my road, trucks, dust everywhere but new pipes and surface makes my little cup de sac quite the lovely place. now time to get me skates on as a friend has made me pancakes. yay!

 

and here it is, out of the blue the new church tune and video, sacred echoes 2. interestingly based upon the photography of dorothy lange, a woman i studied at university when i was learning photography she worked for the food and farm administration and captured the depression down in the south so people in the north could see the photographs of how it was impacting. i guess in some ways this was the beginning of photojournalism. lange did something quite brilliant, she captured the humanity of people, that emotion transmission a photograph can carry, a picture speaks a million words. 

after last weekend i begun to burn out, exhaustion and fatigue had infected my psyche and the weariness was showing, i was finding it difficult to sleep and my motivation was at an all time low. work was giving me a headache and flu like symptoms were showing. the walls were closing in. on to of that i was having long distance issues with family and no resolution. therefore i made the difficult discussion to just take a week off and look after myself.
thankfully the weather was fine, surf was up and i managed to spend my mornings catching waves and hanging out in the sun at the beach, during the afternoon i settled into the routine of writing and finishing up my book, 'the antidote.' 
evenings i would wind down with an early night so i could get up early. 
one day i climbed the skillion, and watched the whales and one day i visited my friend who was in hospital. 
there was no real major change in my lifestyle, just a lot more sleep and routine. my cough disappeared fast and the old bones stopped aching, in fact by about wednesday i was beginning to feel much better and happier about the completion of my book. and today friday i planted some seeds my friend had given me in a big pot at the bottom of the garden, cleared a few piles of junk and pottered around doing laundry and a deep clean in the bathroom.
the road outside is being dug up as they are laying a new pipe so access has been tricky lots of trucks and dust but it has been completed and looks a lot better, at least the potholes are filled in. so that's the week. 

 

great early morning surf out on the south end of terrible, waters sharp but waves are wild and i manage to catch a few but it is time to pick up a new fin, my old blue one is on it's last legs, after 20 years the pod is going into retirement and the replacement will be a wooden one. it's the end of an era and beginning of a new one.

from wild waves to wilde childe it's been ages since i managed to catch up but today i drove around to her new abode,  which is not far from me and we spent an hour together chatting planning and laughing, she's looking great and still in the process of unpacking which is something i seem to still be doing.

it's home for me for a rest, my body feels somewhat in need of a siesta after all this palaver so i wander in and have a rest. oh it's nice o be home again, put me feet up. there's a lot of work i need to do but to be honest can't be bothered, i just wanna lay down and have a mid afternoon snooze.

i have to meet some people for a samhain gathering later in the evening, so i better attempt to look somewhat presentable. 

it's halloween time

 

the carpet crawlers are here, well the cleaner is although he is on his hands and knees with his weird steam machines as he attempts to clean up the terrible blood splatter stains that trail along my upstairs corridor and most of my bedroom. it really looks like a serial killers den up there, and it's embarrassing if visitors would pop in.  i mean it's always the person you least suspect right?
oh he was such a quiet neighbour, always had his head in a book. real nice guy.
anyways it's been going on a while and i just hope he's making progress with the blood. Jesus, it really is a mess. 

how did it get there you ask.

well i was moving a massive bookcase and the bottom of out hit my leg, and then blood just spurted out non stop, being on blood thinners didn't help. anyway's it not only hurt like hell, i was unable to move as the furniture was blocking my path to the bathroom so i just carried on until the bookcase was slotted into place. and the blood stained carpet was left looking like a pro hart / dexter variation. 

eventually i cleaned up my wound with some hydrogen peroxide, a very handy chemical to keep. i just hope the carpet crawler cleans up as effectively.