i've always loved the detective show luther and for some strange inexplicable reason realised my work life is similar to his. no i don't solve serial killer murders but i do work within a dept that views me as the outsider and my methodology is the same as luther's. i don't have the red headed psychopathic brilliant and sexy stalker that bails me out but i guess i walk the same line. 
luther is a loner, he's driven and both defeated and champion, lost causes and the ignoble compromise. he's got nothing to loose, nothing to gain but that spark inside will never diminish even if it means self destruction. luther walks into the fire and comes out burnt. i like him, always have. he shambles along, his mind is precision, he knows there are limits and he pushes them. 
i like that he has a wisdom, a quietness, a self confidence that disintegrates under the weight of system abuse. in my own dept. there are villains, mostly operating on an unconscious level because they have no insight into the clarity of their own effect upon the clients whom have mental health issues. to me the staff are the ones with mental health problems, ego driven, vanity, competition, jealousy, a refusal to evolve or change, a power and control issue that they will never address, they justify the grossest acts of negligence and spin it. they hate me, it drips of them like saliva would from a hungry vampire at the foot of a virgins bed. i'm the enemy, my standards are to high, they undermine and sabotage every single step forward i make. a paranoid schizophrenic i spent 5 years building up a relationship with is told by the manager, not to trust me. for weeks i had to deal with the confliction of this individual whom was wrestling with what he knows and what he is told. he hated me but couldn't reconcile it, manifesting in the most random outbursts of pain and suffering. from where i see it, it's torture but for them it's work. 
there's a lot more to this story that i will write about later as i process it all, it's vast, a dostoyevsky like novel. 
humans even when they are trying to be good are bad. we are corrupt and failures at humanity itself, for in these so called care places i've seen no care, only the brutality of bureaucracy and indifference to individual needs and concerns. some one at work said to me, ' you wouldn't want your child living in one of these homes?'
to which i replied, 'not if you worked in it.'
i said that to a man whom self confesses he has no ability to empathise with anyone, let alone clients he is caring for. i've had to make several notifications, saved a life and exposed some unimaginable stuff all to be humiliated and punished. i'm told i'm a drone and should not step out of my role. i guess it's lucky that i am no drone, i guess it's really lucky that i have a brain that can think for itself, that can be independent and not unquestionably follow orders, i'm lucky because if i were not and acted like a drone i would be like the rest of them. 
what a disgusting dept. the government should be ashamed. all it does is spend its resources covering up it's mistakes. middle management living the luxury life, while clients are lucky if they get fed a decent meal. fuck em all.
me. i'm going out in a swan song when i appear in court, those beans will be spilt baby. i'm going to stick a massive tube up the rectum of this dept and give it the enema it deserves.