you must have taken the hypocritical oath, sworn to sword tongue barbarianism and brutality over love, you must have chosen this corruption because you have no insight for the heart of the poet. it was the poets who saw through the veil, pierced the occluded frontier, in trance cities they fell away the flesh, while the barbs of the daggers from the will of opposition attempted death blows, suffering and crippled the pen was always mightier than your bladed tongues and eyes, everything about you is sharp and caustic, like the fish hook of lies.
look waywards, across the horizon there lay's a place where freedom and peace await those who have journeyed, the road was filled with surprises and traps, it's a challenge, it's a trip, it's the journey we can't escape. 
some african witch doctor once told me my best friend would kill me, it was in the bush somewhere in the mountains of tanzania. he said i should pay him in gold and he would remove the act from my future, i said no, i can do it myself.
i can do it myself.
they say you need to keep your enemy close, i say it's better they are far away. 
i can do it myself.
i will do it myself.
i get protection from the people who do love me, i get protection from the universe that loves me, it's bestowing it's gifts upon us all, you just have to know how to receive them. 
i get protection from the spirits that live within my aura, guardians, servitors, angels and a few demons i've trained.
i get protection from my diet and dieta. you are what you eat, and drink...
i get protection from the velocity of my own history, self directed evolution, towards something better than myself, for the flesh is always weak, but the spirit is strong, i may loose my mojo but it's never far away, i may even loose my way but that's all part of the mojo, i may even take the occasional hit but that's okay for it tests my defences and belief systems. i protect myself by the white egg light radiating around me, with it's purple strands and yellow solar plexus, but it is the green heart charkra that protects me for despite the attacks that is stronger than the forces used against it.
i told you i'm protected.


the year took it's toll, started great but ended in madness and sadness and now everything is at rest, how fast things change.
i have some final notes on clusterfucks, call it 'an afterwards.'


no one really wins, it just fades away to where it came from and maybe you bear it well but it leaves a deep scar, a blemish and if it does not destroy you it will wound you and hurt you and maybe even wound others close to you. it will try to do this when it realises it's loosing the war. but the clusterfuck is just an experience and it's there to also test you, challenge what you know, it grows as you battle it, spreading out into different domains, money, family, travel, friends, work, self respect, love can't defeat it although it may be the best defence against total hatred which is exactly what it desires. for once hate fills you it has won.
yeah you come close to hating, i felt my anger reach out but i never really hated it, just felt sad and even that sadness was a passing energy. 
here against the clusterfuck, it is will over love that is necessary,love can't do it alone, it requires a little bit of shaping, the way perhaps a sword maker would shape his / her blade, for love needs force and force needs a will to command it and direct it. 
the clusterfuck is not worth fighting but sometimes it leaves you no choice, it's not something you feel you can just surrender to as it won't allow you that option. 


make a decision, fight, flee or surrender.
if you fight it's the hero's journey, mythical in it's structure and epic in breath, even an unexpected ally may appear from out of the blue to assist. choose your weapons, detachment, non attachment, psychic self defence, banish fear, invoke your spirit guides and face the battle knowing even if you loose you have won. this is not a judgement, merely a fact, for the clusterfuck is a self destroying energy, once you are gone it will turn upon itself again for clusterfucks obey the known laws of the universe, and for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
the best strategy to win this war is of course to operate outside the known laws of the universe. however this is hard to reconcile when you are under constant attack and your own emotional structure is being tested. trust the process and above all else be indifferent to the outcome for it is the lust for result which will get you.