i spent a few days in hospital, apparently my heart went back into AF and they thought i may require defibrillation. it was strange as i attempted to let my brother know but he just hung up on me, which is standard for him to be honest, possibly the worst communicator i have ever known. unfortunatly i had to let jake know which is something that i would have liked to avoid as he is dealing with his mother in hospital and she is dying a slow agonising death so i didn't want to burden him with additional anxiety. anyways, having downplayed my state at least someone knew where i was.

the hospital up here is very good, i was thinking how lucky i was to be among such friendly nurses and specialists. x-rays, blood tests, ECG's tubes, needles and hundreds of questions later they decide the best course of action is to discharge me and wait for my cardiologist to assess the situation on monday when coincidently i have an appointment. i make my way home, it's late night and i'm thinking of my father and the last time i saw him.

the days and nights seem weighted down, there's death in the air, hanging over everything. it's annoyingly frustrating because it's everywhere, on the end of each passing minute, outside the door. i don't know about that archetype image carrying the scythe, my version seems to carry some sort of hourglass, sand passing through the chamber, maybe the knife is hidden in his cloak, the one that cuts my heart out and weighs it on the scales with the feather. 'wait death, that heart is leaking, it's hardly worth weighing old chap.'

sometimes i just wanna close my eyes and see my dad again. talk about all the usual stuff we liked to chat about. i miss him.

sydney is expensive now, it's a ridiculous city when coffee costs the same as a loaf of bread. bills rates petrol all just seem out of control. apparently its economics but economics in the modern world is extortion, and the public are being extorted severely by our ruling class. i am re reading the 'list of seven' by mark frost, twin peaks co creator. it's better second time around, and i must admit I'd forgotten a lot of the details. it's a supernatural occult murder mystery with arther conan doyle as the main protagonist, and several founous people of the age making appearances in one form other than the other including madame blavatsky, bram stoker ect.

i decided to re read this as i came across the very rare sequel 'the seven messiahs' which i would like to read next. it's strange how david lynch received most of the credit for twin peaks yet mark frost very little. yet the series could not have worked without mark frosts input. anyways he is a good writer and the tale he tells is great victorian adventure, not without it's humour. 

getting my heart scanned today and it does look like i have returned to arrhythmia which i will have to manage for two weeks before i see my cardiologist. it's just another challenge i have to deal with but i did enjoy chatting to the technician who was telling me the vaccine is the cause of it all, in his profession ever since the vaccines there has been a huge increase in heart issues and cancers. he explained how nsw health actually manipulated information on vaccines on two seperate occasions and have remained unaccountable. this is the curse of the age, unaccountability. at the bottom of the food chain we are all held to account, fined, sacked or penalised but at the top end you get away with mass murder.

so sad when i think about my friend martin von donaldson, i really wanted to see him again. was hoping i could zip over this year, hang out for a weekend or something. that would have been very special, martin jean and tea and old captain mission. and who knows maybe we could drag chris along as well. the thought makes me smile but life is filed with surprises and not all nice ones. 

lots of sad news this weekend, the first was from my brother informing me about a mutual friend of the family who was found dead in his bath. and not in a rock and roll way, nope mark it seems appears to have died from self neglect. overweight, no life, no friends, living on junk food  he just gave up and died. only 50. the irony is he was one of the kids my mother always wanted me to be like, and throughout my childhood and youth he was held up as shining examples of the people i should aspire to become. sure he was rich, he had loads of money but he was a strange guy who eventually my mother began to dislike. me i recall as a kid we would visit their big mansion in radlett and watch michael caine in zulu on the projector or play hide and seek. it was a huge freaking house. mark was okay as a kid, he was just very straight and he had an older brother nicky who was even straighter and even more boring. anyway's it's sad but to be honest there's no real connection for me. 

on the opposite end of the spectrum is my very old friend martin von donaldson, i was told about him sunday morning by jean and it's still quite shocking and sinking in. i first met marty around 1979 when i worked in carnaby street at a punk rock kinda shop. those days london still had a vibe and was heading into the post punk period, i hung out with lots of people and bands without knowing much about their aspirations, the sound, boy george before fame, the southern death cult who went on to be the cult, wham, the ruts, the au pairs and such just a parade of people that hung around the area, drinking in coffee shops, pubs or shopping for clothes. everyday around noon i'd see this guy walking down the street, he actually didn't walk, he strutted, with a bright orange ziggy haircut, chelsea boots and a black leather jacket he would cruise past. it turned out he worked at the bbc and spent his lunch break in carnaby street. one day he walked passed in a ziggy tee shirt and i was wearing a velvets one so we connected and started talking music and how i always wanted to sing bowie tunes. and he being a guitarist was attempting to put a band together. history was made. we became best mates, he would often come up to north london and hang out for the weekend at my parents and i would in turn go to his neck off the woods, bromley and tour old bowie landmarks with him. he introduced me to the band, a collection of lovely people including my friends tez and jean whom i still know and see when in the UK. martin and i eventually moved to west berlin together and shared an apartment, and many adventures until 1987 when i decided to move to australia.

marty was very talented, a natural rock star, he was even a rock star before he could play, he just had that energy. he was clever, very funny and possessed a temper on him that was explosive. i once saw him destroy a stamp vending machine with a block of ice in berlin with such ferocity and aggression there was nothing left of the machine. we had a lot of crazy times over there, like real crazy.

in australia i seemed to loose touch with everyone, i was starting a new life, a family and it was hard, we swapped a few letters, he wrote great letters but then we stopped, until 1998 when I googled his name with berlin guitar attached and his name popped up attached to a studio so despite it all being written in german the number was readable and i rang it then and there.  

'is martin there danke'

'yes, yes, he is standing right here.'

and thus we had our first conversation in a decade. 

although we exchanged a few e mails Martin never seemed to write back, although jean and tea kept in contact and even visited him in spain where he moved to. i knew he was ill but really thought he was recovering and so it's a big shock.at the back of my mind i thought we would meet up again and maybe record. we used to do a cracking version of 'cracked actor.' 

anyways, it's sad and can't help me thinking about it, the sudden elimination of life, one second you are here the next you ain't, it really is a blink of an eye. life. 

anyways marty was like me, a bowie nut, so it seems fitting i post this for him, see ya on the other side Martin.

for mvd 

morrissey - notre dame

the usual calamities at work, all i seem to do is pick up other peoples mistakes and have to correct them as well as attempt to do my own work, every thing becomes a challenge not due to clients but through the staff i work with, it's become untenable and absurd. no one would believe me however it would make a great tv show. i'm exhausted from it, i told my manager she suffers from 'the tyranny of low expectations' which as you may guess didn't go down well. anyways, enough about that, on friday will be seeing the best band on earth, the church, it's their last show in sydney unless they decide to tour the new album lacuna, which steve says is being delayed due to the record company wanting to release their past catalogue on vinyl, which doesn't sound like a major issue except past members are disputing things and holding everything up. i dunno, it's not my place to get involved at all, i wish them all well but fucking hell, i can't wait to hear the album, by all accounts it is amazing. 

they single sacred echoes is complemented by a track called 'the mirror world' which is fucking amazing, so if that's any indication of what to expect no one could possibly be disappointed, and all i hope for is i can stay alive to hear it, maybe see it preformed. these are the simple desires of old captain mission these days, stay alive, keep healthy, and get through each day with minimum damage. which is really why i like staying home and reading.

from the mirror world to the mirror wars which i am reading, about to finish, an english science fiction novel which is far to english for my liking, although i sympathize with the writer who is just trying to tell a good story. i mean i am in the same position however my lenses when it comes to science fiction is something peculiar, i mean i expect a good story above all else but i also expect something mind blowing and interesting and this kinda fails. weak dr. who like characters, over polite dialogue and irrelevant conversations, this is a trilogy that should be edited into one novel and it may be very good with the correct hand guiding it.    

however it has some good moments and i will continue reading because i admire people who at least make an effort, it doesn't have to be perfect and i want to know how it turns out.